Switched DS to Private School- Now He Refuses to Play Soccer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he playing travel/club? I would think that would make more sense if he's a talented player.

OP here. Yes, he is captain of his extremely competitive travel program. He also plays city rec for fun. He loves the sport. No one is 'trying to live through' him or his sports. I was not even remotely athletic and my DH played basketball. No connection to soccer anywhere. This all came from him.

Wait - he's already on two other teams, and you're insisting he play on a third?

Back off, mom.

It’s a good way to ensure he grows to hate a sport he currently loves. And that’s he’s so over-scheduled that his grades start dropping again. And that he resents his parents even more than he clearly already does.

If he currently has a balance that’s working on all fronts, I’d let it ride.

Don't forget, it probably turns him gay, too. Right?

[Anonymous]

OP I hear you. At some point we as parents have to let out children make their own decisions. That means they will make choices different than ours. That’s life. If you have a good kid (and it sounds like you do) let go and let him decide this issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll, because OP doesn't know anything about truly competitive soccer.

I suspect this is more about OP's social climbing. She's having a hard time finding a foothold with the private school social scene she wants to be a part of, and thinks that if her kid joins the soccer team, that will be her "in."

I suspect neither of you read all the posts before commenting. Several of us believe OP obfuscated details to remain anonymous in their town. Smart really. This is more likely about a DD playing field hockey for Madeira while being recruited by Brown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll, because OP doesn't know anything about truly competitive soccer.

I suspect this is more about OP's social climbing. She's having a hard time finding a foothold with the private school social scene she wants to be a part of, and thinks that if her kid joins the soccer team, that will be her "in."

I suspect neither of you read all the posts before commenting. Several of us believe OP obfuscated details to remain anonymous in their town. Smart really. This is more likely about a DD playing field hockey for Madeira while being recruited by Brown.

And that does not change the basic answer or improve OP’s bad attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll, because OP doesn't know anything about truly competitive soccer.

I suspect this is more about OP's social climbing. She's having a hard time finding a foothold with the private school social scene she wants to be a part of, and thinks that if her kid joins the soccer team, that will be her "in."

I suspect neither of you read all the posts before commenting. Several of us believe OP obfuscated details to remain anonymous in their town. Smart really. This is more likely about a DD playing field hockey for Madeira while being recruited by Brown.

Except field hockey is not a spring sport (at least where I am). Maybe lacrosse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't craft the perfect child. Either give up his grades and let him coast at public school but be a soccer player, or stay at private school, keep his grades up but he quits soccer.

And yes, he is biting his nose off to spite his face. Teens are experts at this.

So which is more important to you in the long run? Sports or academics?

This. He is probably capable of doing one or the other, but not both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll, because OP doesn't know anything about truly competitive soccer.

I suspect this is more about OP's social climbing. She's having a hard time finding a foothold with the private school social scene she wants to be a part of, and thinks that if her kid joins the soccer team, that will be her "in."

I suspect neither of you read all the posts before commenting. Several of us believe OP obfuscated details to remain anonymous in their town. Smart really. This is more likely about a DD playing field hockey for Madeira while being recruited by Brown.

That doesn't change my suspicion that this has at least as much to do with OP's social climbing as an concern about her child. It also doesn't change the fact that OP is a terrible person based on her attacks on other posters and their kids, and that she shows little regard for her child's actual wellbeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll, because OP doesn't know anything about truly competitive soccer.

I suspect this is more about OP's social climbing. She's having a hard time finding a foothold with the private school social scene she wants to be a part of, and thinks that if her kid joins the soccer team, that will be her "in."

I suspect neither of you read all the posts before commenting. Several of us believe OP obfuscated details to remain anonymous in their town. Smart really. This is more likely about a DD playing field hockey for Madeira while being recruited by Brown.

That doesn't change my suspicion that this has at least as much to do with OP's social climbing as an concern about her child. It also doesn't change the fact that OP is a terrible person based on her attacks on other posters and their kids, and that she shows little regard for her child's actual wellbeing.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he playing travel/club? I would think that would make more sense if he's a talented player.

OP here. Yes, he is captain of his extremely competitive travel program. He also plays city rec for fun. He loves the sport. No one is 'trying to live through' him or his sports. I was not even remotely athletic and my DH played basketball. No connection to soccer anywhere. This all came from him.

Wait - he's already on two other teams, and you're insisting he play on a third?

Back off, mom.

It’s a good way to ensure he grows to hate a sport he currently loves. And that’s he’s so over-scheduled that his grades start dropping again. And that he resents his parents even more than he clearly already does.

If he currently has a balance that’s working on all fronts, I’d let it ride.

Don't forget, it probably turns him gay, too. Right?

Huh? Making him join a team he doesn’t want to join turns him gay? Even as sarcasm, this is confusing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll, because OP doesn't know anything about truly competitive soccer.

I suspect this is more about OP's social climbing. She's having a hard time finding a foothold with the private school social scene she wants to be a part of, and thinks that if her kid joins the soccer team, that will be her "in."

I suspect neither of you read all the posts before commenting. Several of us believe OP obfuscated details to remain anonymous in their town. Smart really. This is more likely about a DD playing field hockey for Madeira while being recruited by Brown.

That doesn't change my suspicion that this has at least as much to do with OP's social climbing as an concern about her child. It also doesn't change the fact that OP is a terrible person based on her attacks on other posters and their kids, and that she shows little regard for her child's actual wellbeing.

Oh. My. Gawd.

Step away from your computer lady. Get a grip. Take a deep breath. Call your mom. Someone is not a "terrible person" because they hurt your feelings on the internet.

Stalin was a terrible person.
Hitler was a terrible person.
Dahmer was a terrible person.

Some anonymous stranger on the interwebs alluding that your kid is fat and playing video games (which, face it, huge numbers of kids are, it's a national crisis if you really want to take it there) is not the end of the world or indicative of one's self worth.

Maybe it hurt because its true.

Jeeeeeesus Christ some of you are lunatics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was truly competitive in soccer he would be playing Academy and couldn't play HS anyhow. So why bother with school soccer? I don't understand why you care.

OP again. You don't understand why I think my son would benefit from a positive connection with his new school?

If he wanted to do it yes. But, he wants to quit. Didn't you ever want to quit something? Also, non athletics people can live through their kids. I have a sibling that does it with their kid ( they were not athletic competitively) Your son is old enough to make this decision. Let him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be the voice of disset. A 15 yr old doesn't see the long term impacts of his decisions.

When my DC was younger, I pushed DC to do some things that I thought would be good for DC. DC hated it, but deep down, DC knew that I was right. So, DC did what I pushed DC to do. Years later, this activity helped DC, and DC realizes it and is grateful that I pushed DC. DC is now 15.

I don't know your kid's situation, but sometimes, in some things, it is worth pushing your kid.

Frame it this way.. no matter what happens, we are not pulling you out of private for xyz reason. Are you really going to give this up to spite us when in the long run this activity is for you?

Also, if he gives up soccer, what activity will he do? I always tell my kids they have to do something - a sport, after school activity, something. So, what will he do?

I would not take away the phone for this. But, make it clear that he has to do something. Give that choice to him.

Unless he's on the road to D1 scholarships and/or a path to FIFA, he's not giving up anything but his parents' dreams. And, FTR, MOST kids are not on those paths.

I'm not saying to encourage him and/or make clear, he's staying so he may as well do the best of it. And to tell him that he may be cutting of his nose (something he likes) to spite his face (you). But at the end, you cannot force him. I mean, what? He goes to the tryouts and tanks it. Then what? You punish him?

You've had your win. He's in school and doing well. Take that and be grateful for it. But make clear that some physical activity is required for his health.

Like the TWO other soccer teams he already plays on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's doing well in school, is not miserable at the new school you forced him to go to, is successful on two sports teams in a sport he loves, and apparently is a pretty good kid all around, and OP STILL isn't happy. WTF, seriously?

Why is this cutting off his nose in spite? He's still playing soccer. Can you give this kid just a little bit of space to be his own person and make his own decisions? And even if he is being spiteful, so what? That's something within his control, and teenagers need some control in their lives. It's developmentally appropriate and important.

Also, what is the real downside here? If he regrets this decision, he can try out next year.

This. I don't see why OP and her husband are so hell-bent on their kid playing on YET ANOTHER soccer team. He's playing a sport. Why does he HAVE to play that same exact sport at school, too? He can't possibly make connections at school any other way?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he's playing on too many teams already OP.

He probably doesn't like being pushed academically, and that's why he's in the school he's in right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our rule for all our kids has been the same, through high school--we won't make you do any specific thing, but you must do something, whether it's a sport, band, or other extracurricular. They get to pick, and they can change from year to year, but they can't do nothing.

But son is playing on TWO soccer teams? What do you do that is extra? Or you only force your kids?