Switched DS to Private School- Now He Refuses to Play Soccer.

[Anonymous]

HS kid.
In a private school he hates
You won’t let him transfer even after things settle out with COVID
Does want to play soccer, so you are going to lock him in his room until he tries out
And when he tanks the try out on purpose, then what?

I’m assuming you had PE also chosen his college and his major, registering him for classes and handing him his schedule, posting on the college mommies and daddies board to play matchmaker to find his roommate.

You really need some family therapy and a better way to communicate with your kid. And some respect for the fact that it is not going to end well if force him through a HS experience he hates. He sounds like a smart talented kid with options. Why are you so determined to make him do things he doesn’t want to do?

Would it kill you to tell him it’s important for his further to make the best on it for now because COVID is limited everyone choices, and that when things stabilize if he still hates it, your family will discuss finding a better option? Would it kill you to talk to him about why he doesn’t want to play soccer and what he want to do instead?

This road ends badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was truly competitive in soccer he would be playing Academy and couldn't play HS anyhow. So why bother with school soccer? I don't understand why you care.

OP again. You don't understand why I think my son would benefit from a positive connection with his new school?

Well, they aren’t positive if he’s resentful the whole time he’s there. They aren’t positive if he’s forced.

[Anonymous]

Could you ask the coach at the private to talk to him to encourage him to try out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was truly competitive in soccer he would be playing Academy and couldn't play HS anyhow. So why bother with school soccer? I don't understand why you care.

OP again. You don't understand why I think my son would benefit from a positive connection with his new school?

NP here. I think you have a kid with a history of being overwhelmed, who is finally thriving and you want to force him to put more on his plate than he's comfortable with. Are you intentionally sabotaging him? Or in denial?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was truly competitive in soccer he would be playing Academy and couldn't play HS anyhow. So why bother with school soccer?

NP, that's simply not true. Many schools have athletic programs that are considered supremely superior to any private organization.

——————-

I agree with the earlier poster - outside of the private IMG school in FL that is always false.

Set that aside though, and let’s assume this is a legit post for the sake of argument.

If the kid’s club team is active this Spring then it is no question that he should play club. This covid year is creating huge issues with scheduling high school sports. As a 15 year old guy, high school soccer is at best a xxxx show. And, I am a big supporter of high school soccer. The problem for guys is that club players are almost always too good for JV and way too small for Varsity where they play against 17 and 18 year olds. In this pandemic year / with shortened seasons - you are nuts to consider playing. I would also say that your kid already knows that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was truly competitive in soccer he would be playing Academy and couldn't play HS anyhow. So why bother with school soccer?

NP, that's simply not true. Many schools have athletic programs that are considered supremely superior to any private organization.

——————-

I agree with the earlier poster - outside of the private IMG school in FL that is always false.

Set that aside though, and let’s assume this is a legit post for the sake of argument.

If the kid’s club team is active this Spring then it is no question that he should play club. This covid year is creating huge issues with scheduling high school sports. As a 15 year old guy, high school soccer is at best a xxxx show. And, I am a big supporter of high school soccer. The problem for guys is that club players are almost always too good for JV and way too small for Varsity where they play against 17 and 18 year olds. In this pandemic year / with shortened seasons - you are nuts to consider playing. I would also say that your kid already knows that.


+1000%. High school soccer usually sucks for exactly the reasons outlined above. He can always play next fall for the school. If he's getting good exercise and playing for two other teams, let him be. It needs to come from within him. Great that he is cooperating with academics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was truly competitive in soccer he would be playing Academy and couldn't play HS anyhow. So why bother with school soccer?

NP, that's simply not true. Many schools have athletic programs that are considered supremely superior to any private organization.

This “supremely superior” statement is so absurd that I want to know more about what sport the PP is imagining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could you ask the coach at the private to talk to him to encourage him to try out?

Holy cow. No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he playing travel/club? I would think that would make more sense if he's a talented player.

OP here. Yes, he is captain of his extremely competitive travel program. He also plays city rec for fun. He loves the sport. No one is 'trying to live through' him or his sports. I was not even remotely athletic and my DH played basketball. No connection to soccer anywhere. This all came from him.

Then let him enjoy those two. Don't push a third on him just so he integrates sooner/better at the private school. I agrer he's cutting off his nose to spite his face. But as a daughter of a Tiger Mom that pushed me to no end, I can tell you the resentment has lasted decades. She got me admitted to a coveted private and a top college. But guess what. Career success or life satisfaction did not follow afterwards.

[Anonymous]

He's doing well in school, is not miserable at the new school you forced him to go to, is successful on two sports teams in a sport he loves, and apparently is a pretty good kid all around, and OP STILL isn't happy. WTF, seriously?

Why is this cutting off his nose in spite? He's still playing soccer. Can you give this kid just a little bit of space to be his own person and make his own decisions? And even if he is being spiteful, so what? That's something within his control, and teenagers need some control in their lives. It's developmentally appropriate and important.

Also, what is the real downside here? If he regrets this decision, he can try out next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was truly competitive in soccer he would be playing Academy and couldn't play HS anyhow. So why bother with school soccer? I don't understand why you care.

OP again. You don't understand why I think my son would benefit from a positive connection with his new school?

Does the positive connection have to be soccer?

OP again- it's the most logical one. And he's already being recruited by colleges and universities so it would be beneficial to stay in that realm.

I will add- lots of you must have abject failures for kids. Insisting your child stay disciplined in something he excels at is a positive, not a negative. But, something tells me your kids are fat and sitting on a play station in the basement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was truly competitive in soccer he would be playing Academy and couldn't play HS anyhow. So why bother with school soccer?

NP, that's simply not true. Many schools have athletic programs that are considered supremely superior to any private organization.

——————-

I agree with the earlier poster - outside of the private IMG school in FL that is always false.

Set that aside though, and let’s assume this is a legit post for the sake of argument.

If the kid’s club team is active this Spring then it is no question that he should play club. This covid year is creating huge issues with scheduling high school sports. As a 15 year old guy, high school soccer is at best a xxxx show. And, I am a big supporter of high school soccer. The problem for guys is that club players are almost always too good for JV and way too small for Varsity where they play against 17 and 18 year olds. In this pandemic year / with shortened seasons - you are nuts to consider playing. I would also say that your kid already knows that.

Going out on a limb here but I assumed "Soccer" was code for basketball or baseball or track and field or swimming or any other sport than soccer. Especially, because there are sports that the penultimate play is in HS, like field hockey or lacrosse at some of the DC area privates

I also assumed DS was actually a DD. I know when I post, I change enough of the pertinent details to not be identifiable in case my neighbor or colleague is reading...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was truly competitive in soccer he would be playing Academy and couldn't play HS anyhow. So why bother with school soccer? I don't understand why you care.

OP again. You don't understand why I think my son would benefit from a positive connection with his new school?

Does the positive connection have to be soccer?

OP again- it's the most logical one. And he's already being recruited by colleges and universities so it would be beneficial to stay in that realm.

I will add- lots of you must have abject failures for kids. Insisting your child stay disciplined in something he excels at is a positive, not a negative. But, something tells me your kids are fat and sitting on a play station in the basement.

Im the PP at 8:14. My DC1 graduated near the top of his high school class, was nominated for a state award for his volunteer work and was president of a high school student club, participated in this same club activity on a nationally ranked team in college, and graduated from college last year summa cum laude and Phi Beta Kappa. My DC2 has excellent grades and plays both on a high school and a travel sport team.

So having established my bonafides, let me just add one more thought and then I'm done with this thread. You're a jerk, OP.

[Anonymous]

You decided where he would go to HS. Even though the decision was successful, he may view it as having no control over his life. He's doing well but doesn't want to play soccer at this school? Let him decide. He needs to be able to make some decisions about his life, so this is a good one to let him. Forcing or punishing him is going to backfire as he can opt not to play well, not show up, etc. If he's playing on another team, is happy with that, then stop forcing him into your entire vision for his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was truly competitive in soccer he would be playing Academy and couldn't play HS anyhow. So why bother with school soccer? I don't understand why you care.

OP again. You don't understand why I think my son would benefit from a positive connection with his new school?

Does the positive connection have to be soccer?

OP again- it's the most logical one. And he's already being recruited by colleges and universities so it would be beneficial to stay in that realm.

I will add- lots of you must have abject failures for kids. Insisting your child stay disciplined in something he excels at is a positive, not a negative. But, something tells me your kids are fat and sitting on a play station in the basement.

Hahaha, no. I have a kid who plays at a higher level of soccer than yours. You obviously don't know anything about truly competitive youth soccer.

But you go on ruining whatever relationship you have with your poor kid