Boyfriend won't leave ex-wife alone

[Anonymous]

He's still sleeping with his ex. Move on.

[Anonymous]

He’s just not that into you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be ok with that. I would have to,d him he had to choose between me or her four to six months into dating him.

Sounds like OP did say that, and he said he's not willing to cease communication with EXDW.

Yet three years later, she’s still with him. So it must not really be that big of a deal.

OP: It is a big deal. It eats at me. I try to become more comfortable with the idea of their friendship, but it just doesn't ever stop feeling wrong.

Then BREAK UP.

OP: I'm asking for advice. That's what this forum is for. I'm asking people what they would do, what they would say, whether this is a normal interaction, etc. I'm asking, responding, and listening.

Dear OP: it is not normal, especially after a 3-year relationship with someone else. He has made it clear, though, that he won't change, despite how much it bothers you. No, it is not normal to be friends with your ex-wife to the point of weekly dinners and drinks. They have no children and no need to remain in constant contact. She is a part of his life. Leave him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is this the guy with Winnie the Pooh stuff in the house? Some shared character with his ex?

Pretty sure this is Winnie the Pooh guy.

Just found that thread. Sounds very much like the same guy. From that thread, op, it sounds like you guys started dating before the divorce was final. Do you know why they divorced? He sounds very emotionally attached to her. Does she have a boyfriend? Have you met her? Are you two friendly?

[Anonymous]

First off- I wouldn’t let something like this go on for 3 months let alone 3 years- if he already told you he isn’t going to stop taking to her- why are you still with him?

He is completely disrespecting you by maintaining this relationship with her. He doesn’t love you enough to let it go- so please do yourself a favor and breakup.

One of them- or both, want to get back together. Honestly they could already be sleeping with each other. Anyone who says this is normal behavior is out of their mind.

It would be helpful to know why they divorced- because normally exes who are divorced aren’t super friendly with one another- and sure as hell don’t keep texting each other everyday like they are still together.

Please have some respect for yourself. If you won’t take advice here please talk to a therapist and figure out why you don’t believe you deserve better than this.

[Anonymous]

Op isn’t coming back because she’s not getting what she wanted, which is for her boyfriend to magically change based on the sheer force of DCUM will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op isn’t coming back because she’s not getting what she wanted, which is for her boyfriend to magically change based on the sheer force of DCUM will.

OP: I have a life and children to attend to outside of the internet.

[Anonymous]

Do you suspect he is cheating? If not, either accept or move on. If it’s just a friendship thing, you sound really insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op isn’t coming back because she’s not getting what she wanted, which is for her boyfriend to magically change based on the sheer force of DCUM will.

OP: I have a life and children to attend to outside of the internet.

Don’t forget a BF with a Pooh obsession that is cheating on you. That’s a lot to manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op isn’t coming back because she’s not getting what she wanted, which is for her boyfriend to magically change based on the sheer force of DCUM will.

OP: I have a life and children to attend to outside of the internet.

Wow, that drew you out quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t seem like an unhealthy dynamic.

I agree. Frankly to me it is crazy that people expect that when a 20 year relationship ends, you have to be angry and never talk again. People can remain friends and there's nothing wrong with that - in fact it shows maturity. People who get worked up about this seem really emotionally immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First off- I wouldn’t let something like this go on for 3 months let alone 3 years- if he already told you he isn’t going to stop taking to her- why are you still with him?

He is completely disrespecting you by maintaining this relationship with her. He doesn’t love you enough to let it go- so please do yourself a favor and breakup.

One of them- or both, want to get back together. Honestly they could already be sleeping with each other. Anyone who says this is normal behavior is out of their mind.

It would be helpful to know why they divorced- because normally exes who are divorced aren’t super friendly with one another- and sure as hell don’t keep texting each other everyday like they are still together.

Please have some respect for yourself. If you won’t take advice here please talk to a therapist and figure out why you don’t believe you deserve better than this.

You sound crazy. This is what possessive and controlling people are like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t seem like an unhealthy dynamic.

I agree. Frankly to me it is crazy that people expect that when a 20 year relationship ends, you have to be angry and never talk again. People can remain friends and there's nothing wrong with that - in fact it shows maturity. People who get worked up about this seem really emotionally immature.

Friendship and being respectful is one thing. Sharing your inner monologue multiple times a day is another. This isn’t wishing an ex happy birthday once a year, or keeping in touch about major life changes. This is daily communication, of the sort that people typically share with their partner, not their ex. Few women would tolerate that. Op is hardly alone in that feeling.

[Anonymous]

(Boyfriend does thing that everyone agrees isn’t right like lick the bottom of shoes)
GF: licking the bottom of shoes is gross, please stop
BF: but I like licking the bottom of shoes, I’m going to continue
GF: but everyone agrees that licking shoes isn’t normal
BF: it’s important to me, so I’m going to keep doing it

Three years later...
GF: (to DCUM) my bf licks the bottom of shoes, that’s weird, right?
DCUM: —various opinions about shoe licking, but mostly it’s gross and should stop
GF: What should I do about it? I keep telling him to stop, I don’t like it but he keeps doing it
DCUM: you have to accept it because he’s not going to stop or breakup with him
GF: but I don’t want to breakup with him, I just want the shoe licking to stop
DCUM: you’ve asked, he’s refused. So accept or move on
GF: but you don’t understand, shoe licking is gross and he should stop? Why should I break up with him when he’s wrong?
DCUM: because he’s not going to change
GF: I don’t like your response, you obviously don’t understand

So OP, what do we want to tell you? Regardless of whether talking that much to his ex is weird or not, he’s not going to change. If there was something to be done or said that would change his mind, I would assume you would’ve done it or said it by now.

It’s obvious he gets emotional support from her that he’s not getting from you. There is no magical elixir he can drink that will stop this. And what we are ALL trying to tell you is you have 2 options. (There is NO OTHER option like blow him more, or cook him an amazing meal, or convince him he is wrong.) The options are: 100% accept or leave.

Sorry if that’s not what you want to hear. But asking more people, telling us we don’t understand will not change things. You asked him to stop, he said NO. With that information, what are you going to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've posted here before about a similar issue, but...

I have been dating a man for almost 3 years. We were both previously married. I have children from my previous marriage, but he does not.

Since the very beginning of our relationship, my boyfriend has maintained contact and communication with his ex-wife. I had to have a discussion with him about a year into the relationship that it was not appropriate for them to continue to keep up for drinks and dinner several times a month. To this day, 3 years into it, they still text about daily life minutia. "I'm making salmon tonight. What should I make with it?" "Look at this that I picked up at the grocery store! Remember the great cheese incident of '05?!" I do not like it, and I've told my boyfriend that I find it disrespectful to me and inappropriate for them to still be having this kind of communication. He says he's known her for 20 year, and she's a friend. He also told me he's not willing to cease communication with her.

He cites my co-parenting communication with my ex-husband as reason enough that he should be able to talk to his ex. The communication I have with my ex-husband is 100% about co-parenting ("Does Sam need a math book for e-learning next week?" "Grandparents are coming into town next month. Can we switch weekends?") and I don't have a choice in it. His communication with her is 100% by choice, but he doesn't see the difference.

It is maddening to me the way they continue to communicate like they're dating, but I have asked many times for it to stop, and he says "Don't you still talk to ex-husband?" What can I do?

You don't like it
It's clear he's not going to change.
Move on