Boyfriend won't leave ex-wife alone

[Anonymous]

I've posted here before about a similar issue, but...

I have been dating a man for almost 3 years. We were both previously married. I have children from my previous marriage, but he does not.

Since the very beginning of our relationship, my boyfriend has maintained contact and communication with his ex-wife. I had to have a discussion with him about a year into the relationship that it was not appropriate for them to continue to keep up for drinks and dinner several times a month. To this day, 3 years into it, they still text about daily life minutia. "I'm making salmon tonight. What should I make with it?" "Look at this that I picked up at the grocery store! Remember the great cheese incident of '05?!" I do not like it, and I've told my boyfriend that I find it disrespectful to me and inappropriate for them to still be having this kind of communication. He says he's known her for 20 year, and she's a friend. He also told me he's not willing to cease communication with her.

He cites my co-parenting communication with my ex-husband as reason enough that he should be able to talk to his ex. The communication I have with my ex-husband is 100% about co-parenting ("Does Sam need a math book for e-learning next week?" "Grandparents are coming into town next month. Can we switch weekends?") and I don't have a choice in it. His communication with her is 100% by choice, but he doesn't see the difference.

It is maddening to me the way they continue to communicate like they're dating, but I have asked many times for it to stop, and he says "Don't you still talk to ex-husband?" What can I do?

[Anonymous]

He chooses her. Deal or leave.

[Anonymous]

If you’ve been having the same fight for three years, he isn’t going to change. Either make peace with it or end the relationship.

For the record, there’s nothing inherently wrong with him remaining friends with his ex.

[Anonymous]

You've made your feelings clear and he's made his position clear. Your choice is either stay with him and accept it, or break up.

Or, I guess, stay with him and continue complaining about it until you end up miserable and resenting each other and break up then. But that seems like a worse option than the other two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’ve been having the same fight for three years, he isn’t going to change. Either make peace with it or end the relationship.

For the record, there’s nothing inherently wrong with him remaining friends with his ex.

You wouldn't be mad at your significant other for sharing pictures of the things he baked and the minutia of his day with someone he used to have sex with? Come on now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’ve been having the same fight for three years, he isn’t going to change. Either make peace with it or end the relationship.

For the record, there’s nothing inherently wrong with him remaining friends with his ex.

You wouldn't be mad at your significant other for sharing pictures of the things he baked and the minutia of his day with someone he used to have sex with? Come on now.

No, I wouldn’t. My husband is still good friends with two of his exes, and it doesn’t bother me.

But whether it would bother me is irrelevant to this situation, because OP’s boyfriend has made it clear that he’s not going to stop.

[Anonymous]

Your being right isn't ever going to change his behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’ve been having the same fight for three years, he isn’t going to change. Either make peace with it or end the relationship.

For the record, there’s nothing inherently wrong with him remaining friends with his ex.

You wouldn't be mad at your significant other for sharing pictures of the things he baked and the minutia of his day with someone he used to have sex with? Come on now.

Apparently not mad enough to leave him.

3 years? I hope he's good in bed.

[Anonymous]

Why are you wasting time with someone with whom you’re having this continuous power struggle? Do everyone, especially your kids, a favor and move on. Find someone who is more suited to your needs.

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t seem like an unhealthy dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t seem like an unhealthy dynamic.

Between the ex-spouses, I mean.

You seem like you have issues, though.

[Anonymous]

I would not be ok with that. I would have to,d him he had to choose between me or her four to six months into dating him.

[Anonymous]

I would find that situation to be incredibly unsettling, especially given that he's told you he's not willing to prioritize you. My DH is not in any way going to be texting an ex daily. Everyone here who says that's fine is delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not be ok with that. I would have to,d him he had to choose between me or her four to six months into dating him.

Sounds like OP did say that, and he said he's not willing to cease communication with EXDW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be ok with that. I would have to,d him he had to choose between me or her four to six months into dating him.

Sounds like OP did say that, and he said he's not willing to cease communication with EXDW.

Yet three years later, she’s still with him. So it must not really be that big of a deal.