Boyfriend won't leave ex-wife alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When people show you who they are, believe them.

He is emotionally close to his ex. That’s simply the fact of the matter. You have to decide whether you’re okay with that or not. Either accept it or move on, as he’s made it clear this is a relationship that matters to him and will continue.

I know I wouldn’t be happy with it, but that’s me. You have to make a decision for yourself.

And this doesn't mean it's wrong. It's fine for it to bother you, but it is not fine to characterize this as him doing something wrong, or doing something to you. It is neither.

[Anonymous]

No one here can tell you whether this is indeed entirely platonic friends or if he isn't quite over her. We haven't met him and don't know, and therefore don't know if you're being reasonable or not. Who initiated the divorce?

What we do know is that you've told him this behavior hurts you and he has decided that is an acceptable price to pay for remaining in touch with his ex.

Take what you know and do with it what you will.

[Anonymous]

Have you met her? Have you become friendly with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I would not be ok with that. I would have to,d him he had to choose between me or her four to six months into dating him.

Sounds like OP did say that, and he said he's not willing to cease communication with EXDW.

Yet three years later, she’s still with him. So it must not really be that big of a deal.

OP: It is a big deal. It eats at me. I try to become more comfortable with the idea of their friendship, but it just doesn't ever stop feeling wrong.

What advice did you get before and why have you not followed it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've posted here before about a similar issue, but...

I have been dating a man for almost 3 years. We were both previously married. I have children from my previous marriage, but he does not.

Since the very beginning of our relationship, my boyfriend has maintained contact and communication with his ex-wife. I had to have a discussion with him about a year into the relationship that it was not appropriate for them to continue to keep up for drinks and dinner several times a month. To this day, 3 years into it, they still text about daily life minutia. "I'm making salmon tonight. What should I make with it?" "Look at this that I picked up at the grocery store! Remember the great cheese incident of '05?!" I do not like it, and I've told my boyfriend that I find it disrespectful to me and inappropriate for them to still be having this kind of communication. He says he's known her for 20 year, and she's a friend. He also told me he's not willing to cease communication with her.

He cites my co-parenting communication with my ex-husband as reason enough that he should be able to talk to his ex. The communication I have with my ex-husband is 100% about co-parenting ("Does Sam need a math book for e-learning next week?" "Grandparents are coming into town next month. Can we switch weekends?") and I don't have a choice in it. His communication with her is 100% by choice, but he doesn't see the difference.

It is maddening to me the way they continue to communicate like they're dating, but I have asked many times for it to stop, and he says "Don't you still talk to ex-husband?" What can I do?

You can listen to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I would not be ok with that. I would have to,d him he had to choose between me or her four to six months into dating him.

Sounds like OP did say that, and he said he's not willing to cease communication with EXDW.

Yet three years later, she’s still with him. So it must not really be that big of a deal.

OP: It is a big deal. It eats at me. I try to become more comfortable with the idea of their friendship, but it just doesn't ever stop feeling wrong.

Then BREAK UP.

OP: I'm asking for advice. That's what this forum is for. I'm asking people what they would do, what they would say, whether this is a normal interaction, etc. I'm asking, responding, and listening.

DP, same answer. Break up. What advice are you looking for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’ve been having the same fight for three years, he isn’t going to change. Either make peace with it or end the relationship.

For the record, there’s nothing inherently wrong with him remaining friends with his ex.

+1

He's friends with his ex-wife. Accept that or leave.

OP: They can be friendly with one another! I just don't know why he has to text "It's really coming down out there, isn't it?" to her when it rains. I don't wish them ill-will toward one another, but he communicates with her like he communicates with me.

It doesn’t matter why. He has stated he won’t stop. Please believe him.

[Anonymous]

Just leave him OP, You don't continue to have the same conversation.

He's made it clear she's his priority and not you.

And take some time to work on your picker, you clearly struggle with picking decent men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’ve been having the same fight for three years, he isn’t going to change. Either make peace with it or end the relationship.

For the record, there’s nothing inherently wrong with him remaining friends with his ex.

You wouldn't be mad at your significant other for sharing pictures of the things he baked and the minutia of his day with someone he used to have sex with? Come on now.

No, I wouldn’t. My husband is still good friends with two of his exes, and it doesn’t bother me.

But whether it would bother me is irrelevant to this situation, because OP’s boyfriend has made it clear that he’s not going to stop.

Your husband still texts back and forth little details of this day, like how he's cooking his salmon, every day, with these exes? I seriously doubt anyone would be okay with this.

[Anonymous]

Eh, it may work for them (in a non-romantic way) but it is clearly working for you, and they are not going to change, so I think you need to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’ve been having the same fight for three years, he isn’t going to change. Either make peace with it or end the relationship.

For the record, there’s nothing inherently wrong with him remaining friends with his ex.

You wouldn't be mad at your significant other for sharing pictures of the things he baked and the minutia of his day with someone he used to have sex with? Come on now.

No, I wouldn’t. My husband is still good friends with two of his exes, and it doesn’t bother me.

But whether it would bother me is irrelevant to this situation, because OP’s boyfriend has made it clear that he’s not going to stop.

Your husband still texts back and forth little details of this day, like how he's cooking his salmon, every day, with these exes? I seriously doubt anyone would be okay with this.

This is a red herring. It doesn’t matter whether we all think this is okay or not, because OP’s boyfriend isn’t interested in our views on his relationship with his ex. All that matters here is that her boyfriend has said he’s not going to change his behavior, and OP can either accept that or end the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is this the guy with Winnie the Pooh stuff in the house? Some shared character with his ex?

Pretty sure this is Winnie the Pooh guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be ok with that. I would have to,d him he had to choose between me or her four to six months into dating him.

Sounds like OP did say that, and he said he's not willing to cease communication with EXDW.

Yet three years later, she’s still with him. So it must not really be that big of a deal.

OP: It is a big deal. It eats at me. I try to become more comfortable with the idea of their friendship, but it just doesn't ever stop feeling wrong.

Then BREAK UP.

OP: I'm asking for advice. That's what this forum is for. I'm asking people what they would do, what they would say, whether this is a normal interaction, etc. I'm asking, responding, and listening.

DP, same answer. Break up. What advice are you looking for?

After 3 years if you're still not comfortable with this and there's been no real commitment, I would definitely move on.

[Anonymous]

Op - (1) leave him (2) stay and embrace that you don’t like it but there are enough things you like OR (3) stay and try to convince yourself to like it. You decide

[Anonymous]

Your subject line is incredibly misleading.