How many dates before sex is reasonable?

[Anonymous]

Dated a lot until tying the knot two years ago at 35. I never pursued it on a first date, always did on the second date, and never kept dating any woman who kept me waiting by the fourth date. Honestly would be worried about the hang-ups in someone’s psyche that they think sex is so complicated and special that they need 5+ dates as an adult to decide to do it.

Weird way to think about it. When I was younger, generally by the third date, but frankly, a lot of the people I thought seemed interesting/compatible wound up losing my interest (personally, not sexually) by the sixth or seventh date. So now, I prefer to wait longer, because I am not looking to have sex with a bunch of people that don't wind up being longer-term partners. Nothing wrong with people doing it differently, just not for me. Have not had a problem finding dates who accept that, but like me, most of them are divorced and have kids, so at a different place in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dated a lot until tying the knot two years ago at 35. I never pursued it on a first date, always did on the second date, and never kept dating any woman who kept me waiting by the fourth date. Honestly would be worried about the hang-ups in someone’s psyche that they think sex is so complicated and special that they need 5+ dates as an adult to decide to do it.

Some people actually prefer to know the person they're having sex with rather than just using them to satisfy their horniness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Need to wait at least 5-10 dates. Anything less and I presume you are a promiscuous man and will likely have an STD.

exactly—likely STD, plus inpatient and impulsive. Terrible qualities in a long term partner. Complete deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need to wait at least 5-10 dates. Anything less and I presume you are a promiscuous man and will likely have an STD.

exactly—likely STD, plus inpatient and impulsive. Terrible qualities in a long term partner. Complete deal breaker.

75% of Americans have been exposed to HPV and over 50% for herpes. You're likely to be exposed even among those who wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need to wait at least 5-10 dates. Anything less and I presume you are a promiscuous man and will likely have an STD.

exactly—likely STD, plus inpatient and impulsive. Terrible qualities in a long term partner. Complete deal breaker.

75% of Americans have been exposed to HPV and over 50% for herpes. You're likely to be exposed even among those who wait.

I’m 50 and no to both. I don’t have with strangers. Don’t people even test for stds first?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Need to wait at least 5-10 dates. Anything less and I presume you are a promiscuous man and will likely have an STD.

If he could show you a recent negative STI test would that change your mind and you’d be willing to do it earlier?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dated a lot until tying the knot two years ago at 35. I never pursued it on a first date, always did on the second date, and never kept dating any woman who kept me waiting by the fourth date. Honestly would be worried about the hang-ups in someone’s psyche that they think sex is so complicated and special that they need 5+ dates as an adult to decide to do it.

Some people actually prefer to know the person they're having sex with rather than just using them to satisfy their horniness.

That’s what the 2-4 dates are for...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dated a lot until tying the knot two years ago at 35. I never pursued it on a first date, always did on the second date, and never kept dating any woman who kept me waiting by the fourth date. Honestly would be worried about the hang-ups in someone’s psyche that they think sex is so complicated and special that they need 5+ dates as an adult to decide to do it.

Some people actually prefer to know the person they're having sex with rather than just using them to satisfy their horniness.

That’s what the 2-4 dates are for...

But you said you always pursued on the second date. You really feel like you know someone midway through the second date? Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need to wait at least 5-10 dates. Anything less and I presume you are a promiscuous man and will likely have an STD.

If he could show you a recent negative STI test would that change your mind and you’d be willing to do it earlier?

I’d feel better about it but then I might still question his promiscuity because what kind of weirdo carries and STD test with him? Bottom line: Whether you are a man or woman, don’t be a ho. Take your time. Connect mentally and physically before spreading your legs. That sustains in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need to wait at least 5-10 dates. Anything less and I presume you are a promiscuous man and will likely have an STD.

exactly—likely STD, plus inpatient and impulsive. Terrible qualities in a long term partner. Complete deal breaker.

75% of Americans have been exposed to HPV and over 50% for herpes. You're likely to be exposed even among those who wait.

I’m 50 and no to both. I don’t have with strangers. Don’t people even test for stds first?

I had approximately 25 partners before getting married at 36 in 2003. Only one them ever asked me to get tested before having sex (with a condom.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need to wait at least 5-10 dates. Anything less and I presume you are a promiscuous man and will likely have an STD.

exactly—likely STD, plus inpatient and impulsive. Terrible qualities in a long term partner. Complete deal breaker.

75% of Americans have been exposed to HPV and over 50% for herpes. You're likely to be exposed even among those who wait.

I’m 50 and no to both. I don’t have with strangers. Don’t people even test for stds first?

I had approximately 25 partners before getting married at 36 in 2003. Only one them ever asked me to get tested before having sex (with a condom.)

Are you female?

I had 3 boyfriends before getting married at 28. I only had PIV in context of a relationship.

So 4 partners (not casual sex) and I’m 50. It’s likely why I never contracted any type of STI.

[Anonymous]

Pressure from a guy makes him seem like a creep.

[Anonymous]

Also a woman here. I typically have sex 5-10 dates in. It’s 1-2 months of active dating and him showing real interest. I lose interest though after date 3-4 in most cases, even if originally there was a sexual chemistry. Men tend to hide things and I recommend that women take time

[Anonymous]

The 3 date rule was a thing back when people dated one person at a time.

It makes zero sense now that people date multiple people at a time. It’s too easy not to with dating apps.

I wait much longer now. Just because it’s date number 2 or 3 with me doesn’t mean he doesn’t have other date number 2 and 3s the same week!

[Anonymous]

I’m a younger woman. A man suggesting sex on the first date would be a big turn off for me. I would think he sleeps around and is only looking for sex. I will sleep with a guy between 3-5 dates if I like him. I don’t do sex before the third date.