"Fast" kids -- how do they get that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of it stems from parents who want their kids to grow up too quickly. Look At all the 7 year olds with phones now. No one wants their kid left out... keep up with the Jones’s mentality. This carries into the teen years too. Parents let the kids do too much because they ( the parents) want to be cool.

Pretty sure you just made that up.

I agree with this. I see it with the parents who want their kids to walk home alone at 7 years old.

Huh? Walking home alone at 7 is not the same thing as wanting your kid to be cool. A lot of 7 year olds are perfectly capable of walking themselves to their home.

7 year olds should not be walking home alone and if they do they should have a phone for safety.

Early independence like walking alone is highly correlated with extremely successful people. It's been studied.

[Anonymous]

Older siblings. The little kids want to like the big kids, and parents want little kids to catch up enough that they can all do things as a family, eg, watch a movie that big kids will enjoy.

I also think parents & grandparents sometimes want to rush to their favorite years or the years when kids do and enjoy certain things. I like infants but a lot of people find them boring and can't wait for a kid to be more independent, or in sports, or whatever.

[Anonymous]

I'll bite: this describes my niece, 15.

Parents divorced when she was 4. Ping ponged back and forth between mom's house and dad's. Mom quickly got into a serious relationship and moved new boyfriend in to shared house. Mom has mental health issues, dad is an alcoholic.

Mom and boyfriend broke up, so another move. Now mom has a new boyfriend, a divorced dad with an older teen daughter who is "fast." Huge influence on niece.

Mom always raised DD to be a little teenager; was highlighting her hair in kindergarten, dressing her like a mini teen by 8. Makeup and hair straightened in 6th. Mom even encouraged DD to get portfolio made to get into modeling.

[Anonymous]

I agree that personality and peers matter most.

I do think there is something to the parents who are always rushing their kids to grow up. Phones, R rated movies, pushing them to give up babyish toys and games. Not all kids are in a rush to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This question is hard to answer universally -- look at families with siblings. One or two might be rule followers and one or two might be into drinking and sex at a young age. Same parents, same rules.

Sometimes its the personality, sometimes its the friends they spend a lot of time with in their formative years (12/13/14) and the boundaries those friends have, and sometimes its a traumatic event.

Agree with this.

My parents didn’t have very many hard and fast rules. But up until I left for college, I always told them where I was going, I always called when I got there, and I always knew what time to expect me home. I never actually had a curfew because they knew where I was every second. That was all me. I just felt like it was a courtesy to let them know so they wouldn’t worry. That’s just how I’m wired.

This is how my parens were. If I was late, I had to call. I also knew where they were too. And, this was pre-cell phone days. There is no excuse not to know where you kids are with cell phones and to call and verify if necessary.

PP here and I just want to clarify - the calling was not my patents rule. I just did it as a courtesy to them.

[Anonymous]

I was fast - I had sex at age 13, and experimented with alcohol and marijuana. I used to sneak out with guys - some even over the age of 18. I don't think it was a lack of parenting or bi-polar disorder or anything like that. I think it was a combination of early puberty and low self-esteem. I am socially awkward, so when my body developed and boys expressed interest in me, it was easier to be physically sexy than communicate in other ways.

[Anonymous]

Former fast girl here. Sex at 14, smoking pot at 12 and hard drugs at 15. My parents were normal, doting parents but all my friends had parents who didn’t supervise us or even gave me drugs (shocks me now to look back on!).

I didn’t even realize this wasn’t normal until I was an adult. All I can point to here was peer group. Sometimes I was the voice of reason like not getting into a drunk drivers car (at 16) so I had sone boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think that being mature means dating young and drinking? Because I don't.

I mean mature in their interests, dress, etc.

OP, I think you're talking around something, and it's making your post confusing.

Do you mean mature as in dressing like an urban 20 year old? Mature as in connecting better with adults? Mature as in wearing revealing clothing?

Are you asking why some kids are interested in romantic relationships (or just hooking up) early? Are you asking why some kids drink?

Can you describe a "fast" boy?

NP. Oh, please PP...stop with the passive aggressive attempt at PC bullsh&t. Everyone knows what OP is saying (except for people like you, who want to act deliberately dim to make a point).

OP, I was one of those kids. I'm a female. My parents divorced and went bonkers. I was totally neglect and exposed to things I absolutely shouldn't have. Both my parents openly slept around and decided they were done being parents. They turned a blind eye to the fact I was self-harming. I was sleeping around, using drugs, drinking, smoking. Doing very, very dangerous things. I was also failing out of school. Went from being an A student to failing every class. My mother didn't care as long as I was gone so she could bring her boyfriends over and drink with them. There was never a single conversation about the fact I should respect my body, consider birth control, STDs, danger of drugs alcohol, drinking, driving etc. My parents didn't care about me. I knew it, and as a result I duplicated the behavior they modeled for me. I'm a very different person today, thankfully.

To the PP above...OP isn't implying that a girl that has sex is "fast" while a boy isn't. She's referring to a pattern of self-harming, reckless behavior that any gender child (regardless of how one identifies them self) exhibits.

[Anonymous]

Same loving, involved and strict/not insanely strict - but be home at X time, etc and consequences if not. Knowing our friends, etc and my brother (middle child) was beyond wild. He had Senior girls fighting to drive him to High School as a Freshman. He was good looking, athletic, funny...but bad and horrible student because he never did the work (but very smart.

My sister and I were very balanced, good students, behaved and not sluts.

[Anonymous]

I was like this. I was molested as a child and then allowed to rain free as I wanted from a young age. Maybe second grade? My parents had no idea what I was doing. Got drunk for the first time night before my 12th birthday with some beer from the neighbors house. They had 7 kids and were basically like “get outside”.

Pay attention to your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they tend to be kids who have an innately high EQ, such that their parents stop worrying about them and so stop supervising them at a much younger age that is typical. So, while they seem mature and know how to manipulate adults (and others), they do not in fact have fully developed frontal lobes yet, so they do stupid things without getting caught.

Really? I tend to think of the exact opposite... Those who are susceptible to group think, peer pressure, impulsivity...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of it stems from parents who want their kids to grow up too quickly. Look At all the 7 year olds with phones now. No one wants their kid left out... keep up with the Jones’s mentality. This carries into the teen years too. Parents let the kids do too much because they ( the parents) want to be cool.

Agree. Have seen this too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they tend to be kids who have an innately high EQ, such that their parents stop worrying about them and so stop supervising them at a much younger age that is typical. So, while they seem mature and know how to manipulate adults (and others), they do not in fact have fully developed frontal lobes yet, so they do stupid things without getting caught.

Really? I tend to think of the exact opposite... Those who are susceptible to group think, peer pressure, impulsivity...

Kids with high EQ often are susceptible to peer pressure because they are so good at recognizing what peer expect, so used to being popular, and also so good at snowing adults. I don’t think this is the group most likely to be really wild but it is the group that is usually pushing the envelope in terms of makeup, dating, clothes meant to attract the opposite sex, cell phone usage, etc. I think this is more for girls that boys because male peer pressure is so different—but it may just be that I’m more attuned to the female stuff as a female.
The really wild ones often have mental health challenges or abuse/neglect issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is using the word "mature" but doesn't mean that. I think OP means wild.

OP, the wild kids are the ones who think dressing older and drinking and partying MAKES them mature.

My daughter didn't drink until her junior year of college, but as a sophomore in high school took mass transit with a friend into NYC for a long weekend and they ran around going to all the museums and two Broadway plays. The girls wouldn't have been allowed to do that if they weren't mature enough to be street smart and make good decisions.

You only know what she tells you. I didn’t drink until college too

Ugh, I hate the attitude that every teenager is desperate to drink and have sex. That's really not the case.

[Anonymous]

I was fast in a lot of ways and had no supervision whatsoever "if you aren't home by xxx time, I'm putting the chain on the door and you'll have to sleep elsewhere" were my weekends. Guess where I didnt sleep on weekends? Home. That said, I was insanely street smart, kept myself safe and never got caught.

My younger sibling with no sense however, got caught a lot and did a lot of stupid $hit. They also didnt leave home until they were mid-late 20's (and didn't go to college).