Why do husbands never leave for the affair partner?

[Anonymous]

My cousin left his wife for his mistress (who was also married and left her husband). Honestly everyone is happier. He had no interest in being a father and daily married life with small kids was boring and miserable to him. And his ex wife met and married a childless widower who happily stepped up and devoted himself to raising the kids.

[Anonymous]

Well the ap's are often lower on the food chain yes, but they often harbor the belief that they are unique and special well into adulthood. My husband's ap had dry bleached blond hair, was no longer working her prior big job and was conversationally a big bore and drank a lot. But she had an inflated sense of herself. Years later, he now sees what she was more objectively. The veil lifts, it usually does, It just takes time. These are not real connections built for the demands of real life, but a small percentage probably are. Most involve a lot of fantasy and often a lot of alcohol, honestly, usually among both partners.

[Anonymous]

They don't? Huh, that's news to me. Someone should have told my ex he wasn't supposed to leave his family for his AP........I'm sorry, his soulmate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They do sometimes. My ex-DH left me for his affair partner some 20 years ago and he's just left his wife and 3 kids for another affair partner.

Never say never.

That’s surprising

Why is it surprising? If you are a serial adulterer sometimes you're going to move on with the person you cheat with. Law of averages.

[Anonymous]

I think that nowadays less men leave for AP than in the past when people got married younger due to social pressure. The other thing is I feel like the few instances where I know the husband left it was for someone they got to know in real life and now at lot of wandering spouses find sex on the internet.

The two examples I know where DH actually left the dudes were really not good catches and the women were not exactly top of the heap.

One I always felt was emotionally abusive. His wife had cancer and as a result of some medication she was taking after it went into remission gained a decent amount of weight and he was on her back all the time about losing weight (which she did). Also she is a very sweet and beautiful woman and he is literally 5’5”. He dragged her all over the place for his career and then left her for his much older coworker.

The second dude was just a bald, fat, guy who was one of the dumbest people I’ve ever met.. Left his wife and two kids for a younger woman (also dumb) then had two kids with her and then had the nerve to ask a bunch of people for “loans”. New wife is also insane and would call him incessantly at work. And when she couldn’t reach him would call the secretary and try and get her to find him. Like honey no one wants this loser with four damn kids from two women. I was his manager and have never worked with someone with such bad judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They do sometimes. My ex-DH left me for his affair partner some 20 years ago and he's just left his wife and 3 kids for another affair partner.

Never say never.

That’s surprising

Why is it surprising? If you are a serial adulterer sometimes you're going to move on with the person you cheat with. Law of averages.

That he cheated in his 2nd marriage on the one he cheated with during the firs marriage.

It was sarcasm.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Well the ap's are often lower on the food chain yes, but they often harbor the belief that they are unique and special well into adulthood. My husband's ap had dry bleached blond hair, was no longer working her prior big job and was conversationally a big bore and drank a lot. But she had an inflated sense of herself. Years later, he now sees what she was more objectively. The veil lifts, it usually does, It just takes time. These are not real connections built for the demands of real life, but a small percentage probably are. Most involve a lot of fantasy and often a lot of alcohol, honestly, usually among both partners.[/quote]

Alcohol to be able to sleep with somebody less attractive often plays a big part for the men. Inflated sense of self is so true. They are delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men usually don’t leave bc men tend to affair down. They are looking for opportunity, not someone to date and grow a relationship. It’s common that the affair partner is much less attractive, accomplished, etc than the wife. Women tend to cheat for more emotional reasons and often are looking for exits.

Men seek affairs for their sexual needs that are not met within the marriage, in order to stay in the marriage. For that purpose, affair-ing up or down or sideways are all valid.
Women are rarely driven to affairs by unmet sexual needs (and let's face it her boring husband is right there if ever she "needs" sex) so there is just a lot more behind their affair choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men usually don’t leave bc men tend to affair down. They are looking for opportunity, not someone to date and grow a relationship. It’s common that the affair partner is much less attractive, accomplished, etc than the wife. Women tend to cheat for more emotional reasons and often are looking for exits.

Men seek affairs for their sexual needs that are not met within the marriage, in order to stay in the marriage. For that purpose, affair-ing up or down or sideways are all valid.
Women are rarely driven to affairs by unmet sexual needs (and let's face it her boring husband is right there if ever she "needs" sex) so there is just a lot more behind their affair choices.

Or just variety. Some men do get it at home but after 20 some years desire something different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men usually don’t leave bc men tend to affair down. They are looking for opportunity, not someone to date and grow a relationship. It’s common that the affair partner is much less attractive, accomplished, etc than the wife. Women tend to cheat for more emotional reasons and often are looking for exits.

Men seek affairs for their sexual needs that are not met within the marriage, in order to stay in the marriage. For that purpose, affair-ing up or down or sideways are all valid.
Women are rarely driven to affairs by unmet sexual needs (and let's face it her boring husband is right there if ever she "needs" sex) so there is just a lot more behind their affair choices.

Or just variety. Some men do get it at home but after 20 some years desire something different.

And as you said, not always “better”, just new and different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men usually don’t leave bc men tend to affair down. They are looking for opportunity, not someone to date and grow a relationship. It’s common that the affair partner is much less attractive, accomplished, etc than the wife. Women tend to cheat for more emotional reasons and often are looking for exits.

Men seek affairs for their sexual needs that are not met within the marriage, in order to stay in the marriage. For that purpose, affair-ing up or down or sideways are all valid.
Women are rarely driven to affairs by unmet sexual needs (and let's face it her boring husband is right there if ever she "needs" sex) so there is just a lot more behind their affair choices.

Or just variety. Some men do get it at home but after 20 some years desire something different.

And as you said, not always “better”, just new and different.

It is often just an escape from real life with zero desire to ever bring the AP out of the bedroom. The internet affairs are usually not going out to dinners or being wooed, given gifts or having romantic dinners. Wham, bam, thank you- Ma’am. Now back to my family and love of my life.

[Anonymous]

Yes, new and different and obviously the secrecy and forbidden aspect fuels it..for awhile at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men usually don’t leave bc men tend to affair down. They are looking for opportunity, not someone to date and grow a relationship. It’s common that the affair partner is much less attractive, accomplished, etc than the wife. Women tend to cheat for more emotional reasons and often are looking for exits.

That's not a real truth, just what scorned women tell themselves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They do sometimes. My ex-DH left me for his affair partner some 20 years ago and he's just left his wife and 3 kids for another affair partner.

Never say never.

That’s surprising

Why is it surprising? If you are a serial adulterer sometimes you're going to move on with the person you cheat with. Law of averages.

That he cheated in his 2nd marriage on the one he cheated with during the firs marriage.

It was sarcasm.

If you need to further explain it. Your delivery is terrible. Don’t do sarcasm unless you know how, you seem awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men usually don’t leave bc men tend to affair down. They are looking for opportunity, not someone to date and grow a relationship. It’s common that the affair partner is much less attractive, accomplished, etc than the wife. Women tend to cheat for more emotional reasons and often are looking for exits.

Men seek affairs for their sexual needs that are not met within the marriage, in order to stay in the marriage. For that purpose, affair-ing up or down or sideways are all valid.
Women are rarely driven to affairs by unmet sexual needs (and let's face it her boring husband is right there if ever she "needs" sex) so there is just a lot more behind their affair choices.

Or just variety. Some men do get it at home but after 20 some years desire something different.

And as you said, not always “better”, just new and different.

It is often just an escape from real life with zero desire to ever bring the AP out of the bedroom. The internet affairs are usually not going out to dinners or being wooed, given gifts or having romantic dinners. Wham, bam, thank you- Ma’am. Now back to my family and love of my life.

Had friend who dated a married man. Went on “work” trips together. He would introduce her out as his wife. Shocking!