Why are men surprised a change in responsibility may lead to change in sex?

[Anonymous]

Just tell the guy up front before you get married tnat he wont be getting regular sex after kids and a few years of marriage. Give him the info he needs to make an informed choice before pledging monogamy. It's the bait-and-switch aspect of all this that leaves some men feeling resentful.

[Anonymous]

I think men really dont understand that for most women sex isn't something they want, its something they end up desiring if conditions are right and the romantic energy is good like when everyone is young and carefree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every day it is a different man wanting the same level of sex and intamacy and energy out of their wives that they had while dating.
Yet no one realizes that she does not have the same work load, burden, etc that she did while dating.
I haven't had 8 hours of sleep in almost 8 years. First it was babies not sleeping through the night. Then it was DH gaining weight and developing snoring (refusing to do anything until recently), then it was a work promotion and working longer hours etc.
I haven't had a day to myself in over a year due to kids, DH working from home and inlaw visits.
I have to cook or find food for 5 people daily, even if it is cereal or a sandwhich a 2 year old can't do that himself.
I have to do laundry for myself and 3-4 others routinely (DH hates laundry and will ask me to do his too at least 1x a month)
I have to buy more birthday gifts and send cards then I care to (and we have cut back) but with kids in school and friends/family it all adds up.

These are just a few things that deplete my energy and wanting to have sex. We do have sex right now 1-2 times per week but any more than that I just don't have any more to give.
Now, if I had my own place again, only cooked for myself, did laundry for myself, slept in until 9 on the weekends, where a day off of work was all about ME. Then hell ya. I would have a ton more energy to throw at a guy or a husband or whoeever but you know what? That is not what marriage and having a family is. I am sick of the woman always getting blamed for not being willing to light herself on fire to keep others warm without 1 bit of empathy from the men on this thread about all that the woman in their life does to keep it going.

OP, it really doesn't sound like you mind is in a good place, but many on here have let you know where the road you are choosing often leads.

[Anonymous]

They should teach this in sex ed including how often married couples actually have sex (once a week or so, often less over 40). It will give men the knowledge that sex dies off in marriage and not to take it personally.

This used to be common knowledge

[Anonymous]

To all the complaining mommy martyr women who married useless man babies: just divorce that worthless no good loser! Problem solved. You are welcome.

Or, stay with him in a platonic room mate sexless (meaning open) marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They should teach this in sex ed including how often married couples actually have sex (once a week or so, often less over 40). It will give men the knowledge that sex dies off in marriage and not to take it personally.

This used to be common knowledge

But so were affairs with the secretary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They should teach this in sex ed including how often married couples actually have sex (once a week or so, often less over 40). It will give men the knowledge that sex dies off in marriage and not to take it personally.

This used to be common knowledge

But so were affairs with the secretary.

Well, sure. Monogamy was never expected, at least not for men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell the guy up front before you get married tnat he wont be getting regular sex after kids and a few years of marriage. Give him the info he needs to make an informed choice before pledging monogamy. It's the bait-and-switch aspect of all this that leaves some men feeling resentful.

Yep. Been there done that. He STILL was just shocked that after getting up 6 times a night with raw nipples i wasn't wanting him to fondle them less than a month after giving birth. And that me being the only one soothing a colicky baby was killing my libido. I communicated this with him but his sleep trumped him wanting sex so we basically just stopped and then of course I was the wife not putting out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every day it is a different man wanting the same level of sex and intamacy and energy out of their wives that they had while dating.
Yet no one realizes that she does not have the same work load, burden, etc that she did while dating.
I haven't had 8 hours of sleep in almost 8 years. First it was babies not sleeping through the night. Then it was DH gaining weight and developing snoring (refusing to do anything until recently), then it was a work promotion and working longer hours etc.
I haven't had a day to myself in over a year due to kids, DH working from home and inlaw visits.
I have to cook or find food for 5 people daily, even if it is cereal or a sandwhich a 2 year old can't do that himself.
I have to do laundry for myself and 3-4 others routinely (DH hates laundry and will ask me to do his too at least 1x a month)
I have to buy more birthday gifts and send cards then I care to (and we have cut back) but with kids in school and friends/family it all adds up.

These are just a few things that deplete my energy and wanting to have sex. We do have sex right now 1-2 times per week but any more than that I just don't have any more to give.
Now, if I had my own place again, only cooked for myself, did laundry for myself, slept in until 9 on the weekends, where a day off of work was all about ME. Then hell ya. I would have a ton more energy to throw at a guy or a husband or whoeever but you know what? That is not what marriage and having a family is. I am sick of the woman always getting blamed for not being willing to light herself on fire to keep others warm without 1 bit of empathy from the men on this thread about all that the woman in their life does to keep it going.

OP, it really doesn't sound like you mind is in a good place, but many on here have let you know where the road you are choosing often leads.

Because I chose this alone? I somehow got myself pregnant alone? I am sitting here refusing his help with all of the above?
Nope on all accounts. I actually ask for his help in areas and he just doesn't deliver. I ask for a few hours to myself for him to take the kids and Nope. I take a long bath and that is about the only alone time I get. If i don't come to bed right after the kids go down to watch a show with him (and instead read or do somethng I enjoy) I am ignoring him Boohoohoo.
Covid is part to blame but so is he.

[Anonymous]

For men sex is a chance to get away from and forget about responsibility. Responsibility and the grind of life are reasons to want to have great sex. For women, the grind of life destroys libido.

[Anonymous]

Should women continue to expect the level of dating that they had before marriage? Why are we not treated the same after marriage and that is ok once he puts a ring on it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Should women continue to expect the level of dating that they had before marriage? Why are we not treated the same after marriage and that is ok once he puts a ring on it?

Are you telling your husband that you need these dates (same as before), and that it’s a deal breaker for you, yet still he refuses to “date” you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell the guy up front before you get married tnat he wont be getting regular sex after kids and a few years of marriage. Give him the info he needs to make an informed choice before pledging monogamy. It's the bait-and-switch aspect of all this that leaves some men feeling resentful.

LOL, if anyone had told me in my early 20s that I would lose my libido in my 30s I would have laughed at them. You think women have a crystal ball on this shit!?

[Anonymous]

Marriage is a losing proposition for both parties. Arguably the only ones it benefits are children. Which is great but women AND men need to understand that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Should women continue to expect the level of dating that they had before marriage? Why are we not treated the same after marriage and that is ok once he puts a ring on it?

Are you telling your husband that you need these dates (same as before), and that it’s a deal breaker for you, yet still he refuses to “date” you?

Yep. He is too tired, doesn't want to spend the $$, babysitters are hard to find. He has a million excuses.