Ex wants to take kids on hotel trip with new bf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

How do you know the guy has an ex wife and kids in the M.East?

Flag on the play.

Have you not heard of polygamy?
It is a different world out there

I know all this about the guy from my ex. I inquired about it with her after he met kids just after dating her for a month. These kinds of things raise red flags so I got in touch with her about this guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why the trip is an issue. He’s already met the kids so if he is a molester he can do that at home. I guess you can argue about traveling during a pandemic, but plenty of people are doing that. Why does the trip make the difference? And certainly concerns that’s he is a new citizen so won’t behave in the US are pretty ridiculous. I don’t think there’s anything you can do at this point. It’s too late to get something in writing - why would she agree to that now?

If Dad wanted to do it with his new girlfriend of the month would you be ok with that?

Oh, I think it’s terrible parenting. But OP cannot do anything about it, unfortunately. You people suggesting he talk to his lawyer or just refuse don’t understand how divorce works. There’s no suggestion of anything dangerous, OP has no evidence of anything illegal...OP is correct that calling the lawyer will turn things ugly and there will be no upside because he has no right to stop it. This is a downside of divorce and one of the reasons people stay married for the kids.

Op here, I understand there is no suggestion of anything but there but my ex has a pattern of doing wat she wants and completely disregarding safety of children. She had a bad fight(domestic violence) with her sister at her house, missing kids doctors appointments, making my daughter watch ph-13+ vulgar hip hop videos, a few small physical abuse like pinching the son during the church service, issues with her previous bf, etc. after all this, I just don’t trust Her that she has our kids interest in mind as the first thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why the trip is an issue. He’s already met the kids so if he is a molester he can do that at home. I guess you can argue about traveling during a pandemic, but plenty of people are doing that. Why does the trip make the difference? And certainly concerns that’s he is a new citizen so won’t behave in the US are pretty ridiculous. I don’t think there’s anything you can do at this point. It’s too late to get something in writing - why would she agree to that now?

If Dad wanted to do it with his new girlfriend of the month would you be ok with that?

Oh, I think it’s terrible parenting. But OP cannot do anything about it, unfortunately. You people suggesting he talk to his lawyer or just refuse don’t understand how divorce works. There’s no suggestion of anything dangerous, OP has no evidence of anything illegal...OP is correct that calling the lawyer will turn things ugly and there will be no upside because he has no right to stop it. This is a downside of divorce and one of the reasons people stay married for the kids.

Op here, I understand there is no suggestion of anything but there but my ex has a pattern of doing wat she wants and completely disregarding safety of children. She had a bad fight(domestic violence) with her sister at her house, missing kids doctors appointments, making my daughter watch ph-13+ vulgar hip hop videos, a few small physical abuse like pinching the son during the church service, issues with her previous bf, etc. after all this, I just don’t trust Her that she has our kids interest in mind as the first thing.

My ex-husband does a lot of these things OP. Courts around here don’t care.

Try suggesting separate rooms instead of cancelling the whole vacation all together. It might work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why the trip is an issue. He’s already met the kids so if he is a molester he can do that at home. I guess you can argue about traveling during a pandemic, but plenty of people are doing that. Why does the trip make the difference? And certainly concerns that’s he is a new citizen so won’t behave in the US are pretty ridiculous. I don’t think there’s anything you can do at this point. It’s too late to get something in writing - why would she agree to that now?

If Dad wanted to do it with his new girlfriend of the month would you be ok with that?

Oh, I think it’s terrible parenting. But OP cannot do anything about it, unfortunately. You people suggesting he talk to his lawyer or just refuse don’t understand how divorce works. There’s no suggestion of anything dangerous, OP has no evidence of anything illegal...OP is correct that calling the lawyer will turn things ugly and there will be no upside because he has no right to stop it. This is a downside of divorce and one of the reasons people stay married for the kids.

Op here, I understand there is no suggestion of anything but there but my ex has a pattern of doing wat she wants and completely disregarding safety of children. She had a bad fight(domestic violence) with her sister at her house, missing kids doctors appointments, making my daughter watch ph-13+ vulgar hip hop videos, a few small physical abuse like pinching the son during the church service, issues with her previous bf, etc. after all this, I just don’t trust Her that she has our kids interest in mind as the first thing.

What do you mean by courts around here don’t care? I don’t see how courts could condone this behavior if attorneys are willing to push it.

I did suggest separate rooms for them and a few other suggestions but she’s hell bent on sharing the room with kids and her new bf.

My ex-husband does a lot of these things OP. Courts around here don’t care.

Try suggesting separate rooms instead of cancelling the whole vacation all together. It might work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why the trip is an issue. He’s already met the kids so if he is a molester he can do that at home. I guess you can argue about traveling during a pandemic, but plenty of people are doing that. Why does the trip make the difference? And certainly concerns that’s he is a new citizen so won’t behave in the US are pretty ridiculous. I don’t think there’s anything you can do at this point. It’s too late to get something in writing - why would she agree to that now?

If Dad wanted to do it with his new girlfriend of the month would you be ok with that?

Oh, I think it’s terrible parenting. But OP cannot do anything about it, unfortunately. You people suggesting he talk to his lawyer or just refuse don’t understand how divorce works. There’s no suggestion of anything dangerous, OP has no evidence of anything illegal...OP is correct that calling the lawyer will turn things ugly and there will be no upside because he has no right to stop it. This is a downside of divorce and one of the reasons people stay married for the kids.

Op here, I understand there is no suggestion of anything but there but my ex has a pattern of doing wat she wants and completely disregarding safety of children. She had a bad fight(domestic violence) with her sister at her house, missing kids doctors appointments, making my daughter watch ph-13+ vulgar hip hop videos, a few small physical abuse like pinching the son during the church service, issues with her previous bf, etc. after all this, I just don’t trust Her that she has our kids interest in mind as the first thing.

My ex-husband does a lot of these things OP. Courts around here don’t What do you mean by courts around here don’t care? I don’t see how courts could condone this behavior if attorneys are willing to push it.

I did suggest separate rooms for them and a few other suggestions but she’s hell bent on sharing the room with kids and her new bf.

Try suggesting separate rooms instead of cancelling the whole vacation all together. It might work.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by courts around here don’t care? I don’t see how courts could condone this behavior if attorneys are willing to push it.

I did suggest separate rooms for them and a few other suggestions but she’s hell bent on sharing the room with kids and her new bf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by courts around here don’t care? I don’t see how courts could condone this behavior if attorneys are willing to push it.

I did suggest separate rooms for them and a few other suggestions but she’s hell bent on sharing the room with kids and her new bf.

Because it doesn't fall into the realm of abuse. None of this will change custody. Courts don't litigate every parental disagreement. Something bad has to happen and "she might have sex with her boyfriend while they are asleep in the same room" won't qualify, unfortunately. 7-8 is probably too young to be in a hotel room alone, anyway.

[Anonymous]

It’s strange that you mention your ex-wife’s age, op. Why did you do that?
Is something wrong with her?

I ask since giving an adult’s age isn’t relivant to this topic and it isn’t something people mention in general conversation. Doing so makes her seem childlike which she very well may be.

As for your question, I’d not be ok with what your wife is doing.

I agree with the poster who says that your wife will probably leave the kids alone when she shouldn’t.

If I were you, I’d book a hotel room at the same hotel as your ex and kids and just be there so that the kids have a place to go should they need or want it.

I’m not sure you can prevent anything from happening, though that is true with married couples and adults kids may be exposed to.
You can however be there and let your kids know that you have their back.

I also don’t understand why you won’t use the legal resources you have as a divorced dad, why you are so worried about your ex’s feelings.
One reason people get divorced is so that they can protect their kids from the creepy adult.
You talk a good game, yet you are unwilling to talk to a lawyer or go stay at the hotel. Why is that?

Finally, you don’t get to decide what conversations your ex has with the kids. You wouldn’t get to decide that even if you were married to her. You can only control what you will discuss with your kids and what caregivers discuss with your kids.

Many conversations just happen. One of my kids will say something, I’ll respond and a conversation will happen.
Your ex is free to discuss anything she’d like with her children, just as you are.

You seem to be a strange mix of controlling and impotent and I don’t mean this in a sexual context.

If you are truly worried about your kids, get your ass to the hotel where they will be staying and talk to your lawyer about what you can and cannot do in terms of keeping your kids safe. If you don’t like your lawyer, find another one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Ugh, I would hate that. Not only the boyfriend but the hotel in pandemic times. Your ex has a high risk tolerance, doesn’t she?
Sorry, OP, I would just refuse point blank.

She has done this before with another ex bf and his 2 kids, all 6 of them in one room. Pretty awkward and inconvenient.

Another thing that bothered me a little is that this new bf is in US since last 3 years and became a US citizen recently. His ex wife and kids are in Middle East so he has no accountability to behave properly in US. May be I am overthinking this but the thought of it scares me too.

Where are you from, OP? I'm sensing from your writing that you are not American born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s strange that you mention your ex-wife’s age, op. Why did you do that?
Is something wrong with her?

I ask since giving an adult’s age isn’t relivant to this topic and it isn’t something people mention in general conversation. Doing so makes her seem childlike which she very well may be.

As for your question, I’d not be ok with what your wife is doing.

I agree with the poster who says that your wife will probably leave the kids alone when she shouldn’t.

If I were you, I’d book a hotel room at the same hotel as your ex and kids and just be there so that the kids have a place to go should they need or want it.

I’m not sure you can prevent anything from happening, though that is true with married couples and adults kids may be exposed to.
You can however be there and let your kids know that you have their back.

I also don’t understand why you won’t use the legal resources you have as a divorced dad, why you are so worried about your ex’s feelings.
One reason people get divorced is so that they can protect their kids from the creepy adult.
You talk a good game, yet you are unwilling to talk to a lawyer or go stay at the hotel. Why is that?

Finally, you don’t get to decide what conversations your ex has with the kids. You wouldn’t get to decide that even if you were married to her. You can only control what you will discuss with your kids and what caregivers discuss with your kids.

Many conversations just happen. One of my kids will say something, I’ll respond and a conversation will happen.
Your ex is free to discuss anything she’d like with her children, just as you are.

You seem to be a strange mix of controlling and impotent and I don’t mean this in a sexual context.

If you are truly worried about your kids, get your ass to the hotel where they will be staying and talk to your lawyer about what you can and cannot do in terms of keeping your kids safe. If you don’t like your lawyer, find another one.

This is so freaking creepy I don't even know where to begin. Do not do this, if you want to have any sort of positive relationship with your ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s strange that you mention your ex-wife’s age, op. Why did you do that?
Is something wrong with her?

I ask since giving an adult’s age isn’t relivant to this topic and it isn’t something people mention in general conversation. Doing so makes her seem childlike which she very well may be.

As for your question, I’d not be ok with what your wife is doing.

I agree with the poster who says that your wife will probably leave the kids alone when she shouldn’t.

If I were you, I’d book a hotel room at the same hotel as your ex and kids and just be there so that the kids have a place to go should they need or want it.

I’m not sure you can prevent anything from happening, though that is true with married couples and adults kids may be exposed to.
You can however be there and let your kids know that you have their back.

I also don’t understand why you won’t use the legal resources you have as a divorced dad, why you are so worried about your ex’s feelings.
One reason people get divorced is so that they can protect their kids from the creepy adult.
You talk a good game, yet you are unwilling to talk to a lawyer or go stay at the hotel. Why is that?

Finally, you don’t get to decide what conversations your ex has with the kids. You wouldn’t get to decide that even if you were married to her. You can only control what you will discuss with your kids and what caregivers discuss with your kids.

Many conversations just happen. One of my kids will say something, I’ll respond and a conversation will happen.
Your ex is free to discuss anything she’d like with her children, just as you are.

You seem to be a strange mix of controlling and impotent and I don’t mean this in a sexual context.

If you are truly worried about your kids, get your ass to the hotel where they will be staying and talk to your lawyer about what you can and cannot do in terms of keeping your kids safe. If you don’t like your lawyer, find another one.

This is so freaking creepy I don't even know where to begin. Do not do this, if you want to have any sort of positive relationship with your ex.

Not only is it creepy and inappropriate, the kids cannot just go stay with OP in his room on the mom's time. Does no one here understand what divorce means?

[Anonymous]

I would not be OK with this in any way and I appreciate you sharing this experience here so I can be sure to write it into any agreement.

It doesn’t sound as if you have any legal recourse here, but if you have the means I think it would certainly be worth a 30 minute consult with your lawyer to find out if there’s any recourse.

At the very least, they need to be in their own separate hotel room. I can’t believe your ex would be subjecting them to the presence of this man relentlessly for all this time. It would be bad enough just having him sleep over their house. But to not even give the children a separate room to be able to be free from him for sometime is absolutely outrageous to say nothing of ridiculously dangerous.

Call your lawyer and just see if there’s anything you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why the trip is an issue. He’s already met the kids so if he is a molester he can do that at home. I guess you can argue about traveling during a pandemic, but plenty of people are doing that. Why does the trip make the difference? And certainly concerns that’s he is a new citizen so won’t behave in the US are pretty ridiculous. I don’t think there’s anything you can do at this point. It’s too late to get something in writing - why would she agree to that now?

You really don’t see the difference in risk between meeting the guy at a dinner party and spending multiple nights in a hotel room with him? Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On this board since it’s the wife, everyone will say no big deal. Reverse the genders, and it’s a huge deal, he’s an ass, etc.

I disagree. It’s more dangerous for kids to be around a man than a woman from a sexual molestation threat perspective.

So you have evidence to corroborate that, right?

OP, I don’t think it’s a good idea for her to be taking the kids. Does she have low self esteem? I would try to reason with her again and offer to keep the kids. But it sounds like this man is already around your children, unfortunately.

4-5% of sec offenders are female. Did you really need to see a study to believe that? https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1057/9781137358134_3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Ugh, I would hate that. Not only the boyfriend but the hotel in pandemic times. Your ex has a high risk tolerance, doesn’t she?
Sorry, OP, I would just refuse point blank.

She has done this before with another ex bf and his 2 kids, all 6 of them in one room. Pretty awkward and inconvenient.

Another thing that bothered me a little is that this new bf is in US since last 3 years and became a US citizen recently. His ex wife and kids are in Middle East so he has no accountability to behave properly in US. May be I am overthinking this but the thought of it scares me too.

Ok you lost me here OP. WTF?