Annoying Girl Scout Family--what to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our troop leader has mentioned many times if a parent involves alcohol in an activity their daughters get kicked out. She drinks herself (not at gs stuff of course) but is hyper paranoid about this.

And yet at our outings/camp outs half the moms are drinking 'tea' from an insulated cup at 9pm....

[Anonymous]

I'm starting to feel sort of bad for Suzie. If she's in fifth grade, this girl is only 10 or 11 years old and has already been through a lot.

I've watched how the one emotional and sort of troublesome girl in my kid's group gets treated by the moms and I'm sure the girls are learning from those moms. I wish there were a better solution that involved helping Suzie rather than excluding her, but I know that's contrary to the direction the rest of the folks in here are going. ¯\_(?)_/¯

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It might also help if you note that, if you break the GS rules, then there's at least some possibility that the GS insurance provided by Council will not cover the adults involved. And, as a result, if anything happens and they were drinking, there's some chance they could be personally liable.
The insurance thing is one reason we raise why parents need to register and, where necessary, be trained for trips. You don't want to be carrying the liability on your own insurance policy -- let the GS policy be primary.

But, again, I am shocked by the number of posters who think it's a big deal to give up alcohol in this context. I'm from a big Irish catholic family -- teetotalers were are not. But I've been a GS leader for 6 years now, and have never felt like I needed a drink to get through, or come down from, a meeting. A cup of coffee, yes. A hot shower, followed by bingeing of some mindless TV, yes. But not a glass of wine.

Huh? I just went back to see if I missed posts. I don’t see this at all. You can’t tell that people are joking?

[Anonymous]

I really think people are overlooking the restorative powers of s'mores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to feel sort of bad for Suzie. If she's in fifth grade, this girl is only 10 or 11 years old and has already been through a lot.

I've watched how the one emotional and sort of troublesome girl in my kid's group gets treated by the moms and I'm sure the girls are learning from those moms. I wish there were a better solution that involved helping Suzie rather than excluding her, but I know that's contrary to the direction the rest of the folks in here are going. ¯\_(?)_/¯

I feel terribly for Suzie but what would you suggest? It's impossible to plan some things without an accurate headcount and I absolutely can't handle her behavior on a trip, it's challenging enough to handle it at a meeting. The girls and moms are kind to her and I always match the kids up for activities myself so that she doesn't get excluded (but that said, she usually drops out of whatever we are doing partway through leaving her "team" or her partner high and dry).

I am genuinely curious what you'd suggest I do? I don't know if she can come on the trip. If she does come on the trip I need her mom to support her. Her mom has proven an unreliable chaperone but I am willing to give her one more chance...but she won't even write back!

[Anonymous]

What about considering hiring someone additional to come along on the trip, kind of like a babysitter or an extra pair of hands like some families do for birthday parties? Don't tell the other families it's specifically for Suzie, and person could help out generally with everything. But they'd be there as a backup. ??

[Anonymous]

That would give the mom a break, and eliminate the issue you're worried about anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about considering hiring someone additional to come along on the trip, kind of like a babysitter or an extra pair of hands like some families do for birthday parties? Don't tell the other families it's specifically for Suzie, and person could help out generally with everything. But they'd be there as a backup. ??

? Who is paying for that person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about considering hiring someone additional to come along on the trip, kind of like a babysitter or an extra pair of hands like some families do for birthday parties? Don't tell the other families it's specifically for Suzie, and person could help out generally with everything. But they'd be there as a backup. ??

? Who is paying for that person?

Wow, seriously? You just said:

Fast forward a couple more years, the girls are about to go into middle school and are trying to decide if they want to disband the troop. We have decided to spend down all of our savings on a big trip this year and I've sent at least 5 emails about it. One for availability (no reply from this family), one for choice of location and activities (no reply), one confirming date and choice of location (no reply), and one with all of the details of the trip and asking for volunteer chaperones (no reply). I have emailed the family directly TWICE asking them to respond. Nothing.

and apparently some of your past activities included horseback riding and hotel rooms -- is this out of your budget? Maybe I misunderstood, and maybe this isn't just a single overnight trip to the woods or something. I mean, if you're going to Vegas than please ignore.

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP and I wasn't the person who asked the question about who would pay for it. I think whether we could afford this depends on how much it would cost (I really have no idea). maybe council would have some recommendations about a support person I could have come along (but again, I have no idea if she is even available to do the trip...)

[Anonymous]

Sorry! I thought that was you. I'm not sure it's doable for you but you asked for suggestions so that's my offer. I agree it's hard to work out details when mom won't answer your emails. Try her at dropoff or pickup at the next meeting or give the kid a note to take home to mom?

[Anonymous]

One last message (maybe sent on paper in case the email is actually incorrect) “With regard to the communications of (list dates) if I don’t hear from you by noon on Wednesday that you and Suzie will be attending, I will proceed with ordering tickets for only those confirmed.”

That totally covers your butt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been leading my daughter's Girl Scout troop since she was in kindergarten. We've had our ups and downs with various situations in the group but we have come to gel really well as a troop including with almost all of the families. And then there's "Suzie"

Suzie's parents went through a divorce when she was a first grader. It was very chaotic with accusations of assault and alcoholism and God knows what else. During this time they didn't show up to meetings, they didn't respond to anything, and then they'd come out of the woodwork and wonder why nobody told Suzie about the cookie booth or horseback riding, etc. Once the divorce was settled a couple of years later the mom apologized to me for being so flighty saying it was all because of the divorce, etc. She volunteered to come on an overnight trip as a chaperone which I was excited about but she proceeded to get very very drunk and sneak her dog into the hotel.

I should also point out that Suzie is a wreck. She cries at every meeting if she doesn't get her way. She literally cried because I gave her a yellow cup instead of blue (she's 11 years old). She will deliberately hurt herself and then cry hysterically for attention. At least half the meetings I have to call her parents to come get her because she's hurt or sick. They rarely answer so she sits out most of the meeting.

Fast forward a couple more years, the girls are about to go into middle school and are trying to decide if they want to disband the troop. We have decided to spend down all of our savings on a big trip this year and I've sent at least 5 emails about it. One for availability (no reply from this family), one for choice of location and activities (no reply), one confirming date and choice of location (no reply), and one with all of the details of the trip and asking for volunteer chaperones (no reply). I have emailed the family directly TWICE asking them to respond. Nothing.

At this point I have to book a few of the activities before they fill up. I also cannot have this child attend the overnight trip (3 nights) without her mother because I cannot handle the shennanigans. But the mother got so drunk the last time and snuck in the dog. And if I don't book soon I will not be able to get the girls into all of the activities I have planned for them.

So do I go to the council about this? Or should I just give them a deadline (like a week or two from now?) and say if I don't hear from them that Suzie cannot attend? I want to remove her from the troop. I know they say the difficult girls need scouts the most but this kid takes more than half my energy and I don't even think she likes it. HELP.

I mean, reading this whole thing again and it almost seems a little like you have wanted to remove Suzie from the troop and have almost planned the trip around her removal. Do fifth grade Girl Scout troops actually plan 3 day trips together? If these girls are going to the same middle school next year and the entire troop will be intact except that you are kicking out Suzie ... wow, I understand that this is no picnic but this is pretty Mean Girls for a Girl Scout Troop. I can imagine the feelings Suzie might have if she's walking by the supermarket next years and sees you guys selling cookies without her. I wouldn't feel great about that, but I haven't been the one at the meetings trying to keep everything together, either.

[Anonymous]

OP, I want to hear the dog-sneaking story. Did she bring the dog on the trip, hide it in the car during check-in and then sneak the dog in a backpack past receptionists, or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been leading my daughter's Girl Scout troop since she was in kindergarten. We've had our ups and downs with various situations in the group but we have come to gel really well as a troop including with almost all of the families. And then there's "Suzie"

Suzie's parents went through a divorce when she was a first grader. It was very chaotic with accusations of assault and alcoholism and God knows what else. During this time they didn't show up to meetings, they didn't respond to anything, and then they'd come out of the woodwork and wonder why nobody told Suzie about the cookie booth or horseback riding, etc. Once the divorce was settled a couple of years later the mom apologized to me for being so flighty saying it was all because of the divorce, etc. She volunteered to come on an overnight trip as a chaperone which I was excited about but she proceeded to get very very drunk and sneak her dog into the hotel.

I should also point out that Suzie is a wreck. She cries at every meeting if she doesn't get her way. She literally cried because I gave her a yellow cup instead of blue (she's 11 years old). She will deliberately hurt herself and then cry hysterically for attention. At least half the meetings I have to call her parents to come get her because she's hurt or sick. They rarely answer so she sits out most of the meeting.

Fast forward a couple more years, the girls are about to go into middle school and are trying to decide if they want to disband the troop. We have decided to spend down all of our savings on a big trip this year and I've sent at least 5 emails about it. One for availability (no reply from this family), one for choice of location and activities (no reply), one confirming date and choice of location (no reply), and one with all of the details of the trip and asking for volunteer chaperones (no reply). I have emailed the family directly TWICE asking them to respond. Nothing.

At this point I have to book a few of the activities before they fill up. I also cannot have this child attend the overnight trip (3 nights) without her mother because I cannot handle the shennanigans. But the mother got so drunk the last time and snuck in the dog. And if I don't book soon I will not be able to get the girls into all of the activities I have planned for them.

So do I go to the council about this? Or should I just give them a deadline (like a week or two from now?) and say if I don't hear from them that Suzie cannot attend? I want to remove her from the troop. I know they say the difficult girls need scouts the most but this kid takes more than half my energy and I don't even think she likes it. HELP.

I mean, reading this whole thing again and it almost seems a little like you have wanted to remove Suzie from the troop and have almost planned the trip around her removal. Do fifth grade Girl Scout troops actually plan 3 day trips together? If these girls are going to the same middle school next year and the entire troop will be intact except that you are kicking out Suzie ... wow, I understand that this is no picnic but this is pretty Mean Girls for a Girl Scout Troop. I can imagine the feelings Suzie might have if she's walking by the supermarket next years and sees you guys selling cookies without her. I wouldn't feel great about that, but I haven't been the one at the meetings trying to keep everything together, either.

Nope. I have tried and tried with this child. I have continued to include her in my daughters parties and such because I want her to feel included. The girls are going to 4 different middle schools which is the reason for the debate on disbanding. I feel it will be even harder for girls to stay connected with her if they aren’t in school together. I don’t want to deal with the drama but not because I’m mean, because I’m exhausted by it.