Annoying Girl Scout Family--what to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was not the only one who drank on that trip (I did not and I am a pretty regular drinker...but I just follow that rule very strictly for GS trips). A group of moms went and bought wine from the hotel lobby and drank it. Most of the moms didn't have more than a glass but I think Suzie's mom had been drinking her own supply all evening or is a total lightweight.

We did another trip about a year later and I told all of the moms not to drink (Suzie's mom was not on that trip, nor was Suzie). I know at least one other mom snuck in a bottle of wine. Against the rules but as long as nobody is impaired I'm not going to get tooooo upset about it. I will just remind everyone again...

OP--I'm 13:47 and totally on your team re: Suzie but this post is troubling. Are you NOT having chaperones sign the GS "chaperone guidelines and agreement" document they're supposed to sign before a trip? It says "Adults who have been consuming alcohol cannot be responsible for girls." Not "adults who are impaired" but adults who are consuming, at all, are no longer chaperones. That means if moms have been downing their wine and there's an emergency in the night, you just lost your chaperones and don't have the required number of adult chaperones for the group. Those adult to child ratios really are there for the girls' safety. It's much clearer to use that document and say that no alcohol, even in your own room at night, is allowed. I've had to wake up and get girls out the door of a hotel during a blaring fire alarm, and needed all chaperones on deck immediately to help. Please reconsider the idea that a parent would need to be "impaired" before it's a problem. To GS a chaperone who has had any alcohol can't be a chaperone. And there are real liability issues involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an aside, who are these women sneaking wine into an event where they are chaperoning children? I am as much as of a social drinker as anyone, but I just cannot imagine doing this, especially after I've been told "no booze". OP, I feel for you!

+1 This reeeeaaaally bugs me. If parents don't follow the rules, how can the parent expect their girls to follow the rules.

-signed a GS Troop leader

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was not the only one who drank on that trip (I did not and I am a pretty regular drinker...but I just follow that rule very strictly for GS trips). A group of moms went and bought wine from the hotel lobby and drank it. Most of the moms didn't have more than a glass but I think Suzie's mom had been drinking her own supply all evening or is a total lightweight.

We did another trip about a year later and I told all of the moms not to drink (Suzie's mom was not on that trip, nor was Suzie). I know at least one other mom snuck in a bottle of wine. Against the rules but as long as nobody is impaired I'm not going to get tooooo upset about it. I will just remind everyone again...

OP--I'm 13:47 and totally on your team re: Suzie but this post is troubling. Are you NOT having chaperones sign the GS "chaperone guidelines and agreement" document they're supposed to sign before a trip? It says "Adults who have been consuming alcohol cannot be responsible for girls." Not "adults who are impaired" but adults who are consuming, at all, are no longer chaperones. That means if moms have been downing their wine and there's an emergency in the night, you just lost your chaperones and don't have the required number of adult chaperones for the group. Those adult to child ratios really are there for the girls' safety. It's much clearer to use that document and say that no alcohol, even in your own room at night, is allowed. I've had to wake up and get girls out the door of a hotel during a blaring fire alarm, and needed all chaperones on deck immediately to help. Please reconsider the idea that a parent would need to be "impaired" before it's a problem. To GS a chaperone who has had any alcohol can't be a chaperone. And there are real liability issues involved.

DP.. what they sign and what they actually adhere to are two different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the advice everyone, I feel very sorry for Suzie. I should also mention that she steals. She shoplifts and takes things she wants from other kids. So that's another thing. I actually did talk to her teacher a couple of years ago to confirm that she was getting some kind of counseling which she was at the time. The parents seem completely clueless as to how abnormal this behavior is. It's tragic because I have watched her become this broken creature over these years. She was such a happy and creative little kindergartener and whatever has happened at home has just destoryed her.

I am going to send a final email to them with a deadline of Friday to respond and then will move on the trip without her. I do think I'll reach out to council and let them know about the situation (minus the wine! haha)

If you already asked for confirmations earlier and there were deadlines then, I would not give the mom a last chance like you're proposing. It could open a huge can of worms if she suddenly says, absolutely Suzie will come. Then you're back to figuring out how you'll monitor Suzie's upsets, her stealing, etc. during this trip.

[Anonymous]

I have them do all of the paperwork to chaperone so they do know the rules. We follow the ratio guidelines as well. I think the last time it was literally one mom with one bottle of wine for the whole weekend and I don't even know when/if they drank it because I reminded her that she wasn't supposed to once I saw that she had it with her. So it's probably a non-issue going forward.

[Anonymous]

Another leader here. You have been more than generous. My unofficial policy is that I send 2 troop wide e-mails when I need to find out who wants to go to an event. If you don't respond you're not going. You don't even need to get into the difficulties dealing with the girl. Her family didn't respond/rsvp so she's not going.

[Anonymous]

And I should mention the time Suzie's mom got so drunk I had no idea they were even drinking. I was down the hall in a different room with another chaperone and 3 girls and we were sleeping!! I just heard stories from other moms the next day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was not the only one who drank on that trip (I did not and I am a pretty regular drinker...but I just follow that rule very strictly for GS trips). A group of moms went and bought wine from the hotel lobby and drank it. Most of the moms didn't have more than a glass but I think Suzie's mom had been drinking her own supply all evening or is a total lightweight.

We did another trip about a year later and I told all of the moms not to drink (Suzie's mom was not on that trip, nor was Suzie). I know at least one other mom snuck in a bottle of wine. Against the rules but as long as nobody is impaired I'm not going to get tooooo upset about it. I will just remind everyone again...

OP--I'm 13:47 and totally on your team re: Suzie but this post is troubling. Are you NOT having chaperones sign the GS "chaperone guidelines and agreement" document they're supposed to sign before a trip? It says "Adults who have been consuming alcohol cannot be responsible for girls." Not "adults who are impaired" but adults who are consuming, at all, are no longer chaperones. That means if moms have been downing their wine and there's an emergency in the night, you just lost your chaperones and don't have the required number of adult chaperones for the group. Those adult to child ratios really are there for the girls' safety. It's much clearer to use that document and say that no alcohol, even in your own room at night, is allowed. I've had to wake up and get girls out the door of a hotel during a blaring fire alarm, and needed all chaperones on deck immediately to help. Please reconsider the idea that a parent would need to be "impaired" before it's a problem. To GS a chaperone who has had any alcohol can't be a chaperone. And there are real liability issues involved.

DP.. what they sign and what they actually adhere to are two different things.

If they cannot take a signed agreement with a clear list of simple rules seriously, they should not be chaperones.

If they cannot enjoy parent socializing in the evenings without alcohol, they should not be chaperones.

If they think GS rules are silly and don't apply to them, they should not be involved in GS as parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the advice everyone, I feel very sorry for Suzie. I should also mention that she steals. She shoplifts and takes things she wants from other kids. So that's another thing. I actually did talk to her teacher a couple of years ago to confirm that she was getting some kind of counseling which she was at the time. The parents seem completely clueless as to how abnormal this behavior is. It's tragic because I have watched her become this broken creature over these years. She was such a happy and creative little kindergartener and whatever has happened at home has just destoryed her.

I am going to send a final email to them with a deadline of Friday to respond and then will move on the trip without her. I do think I'll reach out to council and let them know about the situation (minus the wine! haha)

Don't. Just end your drama now. I am also a troop leader. Most of the time we can be accommodating up to the last minute but sometimes not and this is one of those times. Even if the mom emails you in the future, just ignore the email and don't respond.

keep in mind your DD is watching you bend over backward for someone who doesn't treat you well and she is learning how to act by your example as are the other scouts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was not the only one who drank on that trip (I did not and I am a pretty regular drinker...but I just follow that rule very strictly for GS trips). A group of moms went and bought wine from the hotel lobby and drank it. Most of the moms didn't have more than a glass but I think Suzie's mom had been drinking her own supply all evening or is a total lightweight.

We did another trip about a year later and I told all of the moms not to drink (Suzie's mom was not on that trip, nor was Suzie). I know at least one other mom snuck in a bottle of wine. Against the rules but as long as nobody is impaired I'm not going to get tooooo upset about it. I will just remind everyone again...

OP--I'm 13:47 and totally on your team re: Suzie but this post is troubling. Are you NOT having chaperones sign the GS "chaperone guidelines and agreement" document they're supposed to sign before a trip? It says "Adults who have been consuming alcohol cannot be responsible for girls." Not "adults who are impaired" but adults who are consuming, at all, are no longer chaperones. That means if moms have been downing their wine and there's an emergency in the night, you just lost your chaperones and don't have the required number of adult chaperones for the group. Those adult to child ratios really are there for the girls' safety. It's much clearer to use that document and say that no alcohol, even in your own room at night, is allowed. I've had to wake up and get girls out the door of a hotel during a blaring fire alarm, and needed all chaperones on deck immediately to help. Please reconsider the idea that a parent would need to be "impaired" before it's a problem. To GS a chaperone who has had any alcohol can't be a chaperone. And there are real liability issues involved.

DP.. what they sign and what they actually adhere to are two different things.

If they cannot take a signed agreement with a clear list of simple rules seriously, they should not be chaperones.

If they cannot enjoy parent socializing in the evenings without alcohol, they should not be chaperones.

If they think GS rules are silly and don't apply to them, they should not be involved in GS as parents.

True...but what can I do, really? They are the parents I've got for the troop I've got. I've asked them not to drink and it seems like some of them don't want to adhere to that on overnight trips but short of a major confrontation about this I don't know how to force them to stop.

[Anonymous]

Friday is really too long for the last chance.

LAST CHANCE - give them 24 hours, possibly 48. So Wednesday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friday is really too long for the last chance.

LAST CHANCE - give them 24 hours, possibly 48. So Wednesday.

I would say tonight!

[Anonymous]

Are there other girls' parents who also haven't responded to stuff but who are still going to be allowed to go? That's what would strike me as unfair, if anything -- disparate treatment because of all the accompanying issues. If the whole bunch is lax at responding but only Suzy is being penalized, I don't think that would be fair, even if she can be sort of hard to deal with.

Otherwise, though -- yeah, you have given them a lot of chances here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an aside, who are these women sneaking wine into an event where they are chaperoning children? I am as much as of a social drinker as anyone, but I just cannot imagine doing this, especially after I've been told "no booze". OP, I feel for you!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The very first GS event we had (a simple overnight at a hotel with a pool), I honestly didn't know the rules and neither did anyone else and we all brought wine. But again, we didn't over consume it. Like 2 glasses over the entire course of the evening. Then I ended up doing the camping training and indoor/outdoor overnight training and I found out it was against the rules but I think these moms like each other so much it feels like a social opportunity to them as well. So the two other trips we've taken they drank (I did not) but only Suzie's mom was out of control. I will continue to remind them not to drink on GS trips but I'm honestly not going to go crazy enforcing it if nobody is driving and I can't tell they've been drinking. It's weird though because at our school's overnight camp there's a no drinking rule and as far as I can tell nobody breaks that one.

Really? You need to be explicitly told it's a "rule" to know you shouldn't be drinking when in charge of several minors, most of which are not your own kid? I LOVE to drink wine, but I would never drink it when I was responsible for someone else's kid. Not a single drop. What else do you have to be told is a "rule" so you won't do it? Don't beat the kids? Don't perform animal sacrifice in front of the kids? Don't set the hotel on fire when you are staying there with the kids?

I severely question your judgment and honestly hope someone recognizes this situation and reports you to the hierarchy.