How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You won't believe me and that's ok, but divorce is the easy way out. My spouse isn't interested in sex and I am not interested in splitting up my kids on a custody schedule.

I completely disagree. Staying is the easy way out. Divorce requires that both parties reinvent themselves and work it out to be amicable in front of the kidsI’ll be amicable in front of the kids. Divorce is much harder and requires much more strength. I believe people who stay with cheaters or who are cheaters are just cowards too afraid to get a divorce.

Saying someone who stays with a cheater is coward is not ok. I didn’t stay btw. But I would have sacrificed a lot to ensure that the family didn’t apart. Fortunately my ex wanted to be with the AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, my FIL cheated back in the early 80s and we are still dealing with the consequences. They're selfish people, that's all.

Was there a love child? Can nobody forgive? That's almost 40 years your family has been dealing with this. This seems like their problem. I'd have to say I've got no respect for you in-laws of they can't figure shit pout after 40 years.

You are an unimaginative idiot. The issue is that the blow-up of the family caused logistical and practical repercussions that the adult kids are still cleaning up. SAHM MIL was left with little financial resources so the kids pitched in when they were in their young 20s. (And yes she got a job.) FIL eventually married AP, but AP got him to buy her an apartment and later abandoned him the minute he got sick, so he was broke, sick, and alone. Meanwhile MIL got sick from the stress and died much earlier than she probably would have otherwise.

DH and his siblings tried at first to do what the cheaters here claim, which was to consider FIL a "good" father even though he was a rampant cheater. But as they aged, particularly after they had their own families, and they understood just how vulnerable they and their mother were made by FIL's cheating, that has fallen away. Eventually they prioritized MIL and their own families when things got busy. Years later, one of his kids hasn't seen him in years, the others see him maybe once a year at most. They all live across the the country from him so seeing him requires effort, and none of them are very interested. They pay for his nursing home. But there isn't really any sense of a fatherly relationship. It's not hate or anger. Just apathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cheaters - in marriage, or other areas of life, are not people who care about others in general. They lack empathy, so of course they don't care about how it affects kids.

If "sex" is the issue then be a grownup and ask for an open marriage or get a divorce. Cheating is the juvenile path of cowards.

Correct. First sentence especially.

[Anonymous]

You know what's just as bad. You posting it on here as how do you think when parents read that and talk about it... seriously. The parents are selfish. Most people are selfish and only think about their needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: The example from the original poster is not typical cheating. This is an extreme example of people who are idiots who cheated in the wrong place. Don’t cheat around your kids. Vast majority of people married or divorced or single or cheating—your sex life has nothing to do with your children. It only affects children if people make decisions that are vastly stupid like the original poster’s example.

If cheating happens to cause a divorce chances are the divorce would’ve happened anyway and it’s not the cheating that causes the problems it’s the way the parents handle the divorce. In any divorce regardless of cheating some parents handle it well and some parents cause a ton of drama and go after the other parent and make it public and that’s what causes problems—not cheating.

Divorce is not the end of the world for kids but if parents choose to make it the end of the world because they are bitter because a spouse cheated and they got caught then that’s on them for screwing up their kids not on the cheating itself.

+1000. It’s the stupidity of the parties involved and/or the vindictive spouse that ruins the kids. Who I have sex with is not their business, unless they want me to choose who they will be having sex with for the rest of their lives.

you can't be serious.... you are cheating on the kids' parents, of course it impacts them. If you cheat on the parent, the child feels you have betrayed them, too.

I do not “betray” them. I am their parent and I stay their parent and do all the things the parent does regardless of my sex life. It’s the people that tell their kids that the other parent “betrayed” them that screw up the kids.

You get a divorce. You really think its ok to sneak around and have an affair. You are selfish. My dad killed my relationship with both my parents because of his affairs and their behavior. It sucks for my kids as not only did I lose my parents but they lost their grandparents as well. Don't think for a minute your kids are not impacted.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth would you tell your children that your spouse had sex outside of the marriage? My children don’t need to know what happens in the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you tell your children that your spouse had sex outside of the marriage? My children don’t need to know what happens in the bedroom.

It depends on their age. My children were in their 20’s when their mother cheated. They would have cried BS if I simply said we had grown apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: The example from the original poster is not typical cheating. This is an extreme example of people who are idiots who cheated in the wrong place. Don’t cheat around your kids. Vast majority of people married or divorced or single or cheating—your sex life has nothing to do with your children. It only affects children if people make decisions that are vastly stupid like the original poster’s example.

If cheating happens to cause a divorce chances are the divorce would’ve happened anyway and it’s not the cheating that causes the problems it’s the way the parents handle the divorce. In any divorce regardless of cheating some parents handle it well and some parents cause a ton of drama and go after the other parent and make it public and that’s what causes problems—not cheating.

Divorce is not the end of the world for kids but if parents choose to make it the end of the world because they are bitter because a spouse cheated and they got caught then that’s on them for screwing up their kids not on the cheating itself.

+1000. It’s the stupidity of the parties involved and/or the vindictive spouse that ruins the kids. Who I have sex with is not their business, unless they want me to choose who they will be having sex with for the rest of their lives.

you can't be serious.... you are cheating on the kids' parents, of course it impacts them. If you cheat on the parent, the child feels you have betrayed them, too.

I do not “betray” them. I am their parent and I stay their parent and do all the things the parent does regardless of my sex life. It’s the people that tell their kids that the other parent “betrayed” them that screw up the kids.

My DH is the child of a cheater and he would emphatically disagree with you. He was betrayed by his cheating father (and did not find out through his mother). You are delusional.

+1 seriously, do you think kids won't find out. And in my DH's case, his sibling found out before their mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you tell your children that your spouse had sex outside of the marriage? My children don’t need to know what happens in the bedroom.

Are you just really dumb? Your kids will find out, and usually from someone else other than your spouse.

[Anonymous]

My sex life is none of my kid's business. Cheating needs to be done with the utmost discretion so as not to get caught and have a negative effect on any number of people. But no, sorry, having children does not stop me from cheating. I do a lot of adult things without regard for my children. And they are fine for not knowing of these adult things.

[Anonymous]

My husband has a very strong moral compass and a few months ago we had a discussion about cheating when it happened to friends of ours. He said I’d make his life a living hell, our kids would never speak with him again and his deceased mother would throw down bolts of lightning from heaven.

[Anonymous]

I took my wedding vows seriously, which meant not cheating and forsaking all others.

My former wife did not take the other part of the vows seriously.

I sleep with 25yos now and will not remarry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you tell your children that your spouse had sex outside of the marriage? My children don’t need to know what happens in the bedroom.

It depends on their age. My children were in their 20’s when their mother cheated. They would have cried BS if I simply said we had grown apart.

Exactly. If my kids are in their teens or especially 20s, they deserve to know the truth about why their family imploded. Let the cheater deal with the fallout from that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you tell your children that your spouse had sex outside of the marriage? My children don’t need to know what happens in the bedroom.

It doesn’t just happen in the bedroom. Also kids are not stupid, they deserve to know the truth about their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you tell your children that your spouse had sex outside of the marriage? My children don’t need to know what happens in the bedroom.

+1000