Would you punish college son or daughter for getting fired from summer internship?

[Anonymous]

Why do you know this before your son has had a chance to tell you!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need way more information, OP.

Age of student? Why fired? What type of internship? Truly "fired" for poor performance?

+1

Not sure how to "punish" an adult student, but I do think I'd make it clear that my continued support (living at home during summers/ after graduation, any monetary support you give them now while they're in college, etc) was contingent upon them making the right choices. If you're not working, getting decent grades, and generally behaving like you have a life plan and take it seriously, then you shouldn't plan on an extended stay at Hotel Mom & Dad.

Withdrawing financial support is punishing an adult student.

To a helicopter parent that thinks its child abuse for a kid to take out med school loans, maybe. The rest of us know we're not entitled to that from our parents and it's a generous gift. Failing to give a person a generous gift is not a punishment, even if it can be a consequence.

A negative consequence is a punishment, no matter how you spin it.

Yes? So what? Pretty clearly, punishment is in order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Need a lot more info OP and it seems as though you have ghosted the forum.

Would you punish your spouse for being fired? No, who would? So. Don't punish your kid.

Did you read the last page of posts. OP says she isn't sure, but speculated it was showing up drunk or not showing up at all. She guessed those because she was asked multiple times, but she clearly is out of the loop and trying to figure out what's up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on reason.

Fired for cause, or laid off because not enough work available etc?

Fired for cause.

I would sure a hell make sure the young adult understands fully how to do better in the future, and how this could have long-reaching consequences. Hopefully it's low stakes, but when I've had lackluster intern, I've declined to serve as a reference and I've also made a note about their eligibility for re-hire within a company. Hopefully this was low-stakes, but a teachable event :/ How is your young adult reacting? Does s/he understand what happened? Was it truly egregious, or... employer could over-react also, and an intern is easier to fire than to put resources into training better, so if it were an honest mistake, lack of knowledge, not asking for help instead of trying something... versus showing up for work drunk, surfing the internet all day, propositioning a boss...

I suspect it was showing up drunk or absenteeism but I have legitimately no idea. It could be anything. Child doesn’t know we know, yet.

It was wrong of me to speculate. I really am truly at a loss. It could be as “harmless” as didn’t feel like showing up last few weeks. Literally no idea.

What? You think your kid might have decided not to go to their job for weeks, and that's the "harmless" version? Is your kid recklessly irresponsible as a rule?

Getting fired is reckless, period. But I suppose quitting/ghosting is slightly less awful than showing up drunk? I don’t know.[/quote]

New poster here. OP, is this you coming back again? Please ID yourself when you keep coming back -- we're assuming it's you responding but it's not clear.

You came back to backtrack when an earlier PP noted -- rightly -- that it was very, um, telling that your initial guess was that drunkenness might be the reason for the firing. Then you have returned to soften that statement and now we're at "quitting/ghosting is slightly less awful than showing up drunk" thinking.

OP, please heed the posts that say to focus on your college aged kid's problem, whatever it turns out to be, rather than on punishment. You say your kid does not even know yet that YOU know about the firing. You're coming to strangers to ask us about ideas for punishment before you've even sat down and told your kid you know about the firing. First things first here, OP. Talk to your student. If your mind raced first to drunkenness, ask yourself why that is -- and talk to your kid.

You bring in the mediocre grades as if that's also a disappointment on a list that now includes the firing. Have you talked about the grades issue before the internship was even a thing?

Do you suspect that your kid is just going to keep disappearing daily as if he's going to the internship and will never tell you he's been fired? Is he possibly doing that already (which would greatly compound the issue of his lying, if he were my kid). If you believe that of him -- then you REALLY need a family meeting about all this, and the best way to get honest answers is to approach it NOT with punishment in mind but with real concern about why this young adult is floundering.

If you or your spouse helped your kid get this internship (is that how you know about the firing, when your kid hasn't told you?), try not to let your embarrassment prevent you from focusing on whatever problems are going on. The embarrassment of a student losing, for cause, an internship I'd helped arrange would make me so mad I'd think about punishment first, too. But it sounds as if your kid has bigger problems going on.

[Anonymous]

Was the student forced to take this internship? Did he want it? Not everybody is cut out for office work. Not everyone *can* get great grades. No you shouldn't punish. Talk to him about whether he might be in over his head with school/internship and what he would be happier doing. Be supportive like the other posters have said. Work out a plan for him to be engaged and responsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Need a lot more info OP and it seems as though you have ghosted the forum.

Would you punish your spouse for being fired? No, who would? So. Don't punish your kid.

Fired for cause, yes I would. If it kept happening, it's divorce time. Otherwise I am the one being punished by being shackled to a loser.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the OP’s parents should punish her for raising a kid that got fired.

[Anonymous]

I've seen some pretty lackluster interns in my day. But, the only ones that got fired were the two that got drunk at lunch, came back to work and sexually harassed the client. Depending on the industry, firing interns can be a major black mark on a company. So, it could have been pretty egregious.

[Anonymous]

I cannot stop laughing at this. What kind of person considers “punishing” an adult? I have grown kids. In a million years, punishment never would have entered my mind once they graduated from high school. Truly, I weep for the future.

[Anonymous]

You might as well be supportive. Interns are adults. You could withdraw funding and housing but if it’s a serious problem do you really want to go there ?

[Anonymous]

Isn't being fired, not being able to put this experience on their resume, not getting the income, enough?

I would discuss it as a learning experience, and be happy it was fired from an internship and not fired from a first job. Tell kid to buckle down and get a job for the rest of the summer.

[Anonymous]

I worried my DS might be let go for being so sick the first two weeks. Was only there for 3 days and had to go home early on the fourth day.

[Anonymous]

Being fired is punishment.
DC will need to get a job or something else to be able to have references when they graduate, or work in a lower paying job. That is the punishment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need way more information, OP.

Age of student? Why fired? What type of internship? Truly "fired" for poor performance?

+1

Not sure how to "punish" an adult student, but I do think I'd make it clear that my continued support (living at home during summers/ after graduation, any monetary support you give them now while they're in college, etc) was contingent upon them making the right choices. If you're not working, getting decent grades, and generally behaving like you have a life plan and take it seriously, then you shouldn't plan on an extended stay at Hotel Mom & Dad.

Withdrawing financial support is punishing an adult student.

To a helicopter parent that thinks its child abuse for a kid to take out med school loans, maybe. The rest of us know we're not entitled to that from our parents and it's a generous gift. Failing to give a person a generous gift is not a punishment, even if it can be a consequence.

A negative consequence is a punishment, no matter how you spin it.

Yes? So what? Pretty clearly, punishment is in order.

I agree punishment is in order. I was just pointing out that the pp's comment that you can't "punish" an adult, you can only give consequences, was splitting hairs in a ridiculous manner. Apparently helicopter parents punish and enlightened parents hand out negative consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh. What? How does one “punish” a non minor? Was it earning money crucial towards college budget? If so make clear you are not going to make up that money and they need to find a new way to earn cash, stat.

Why did he or she get fired??

Say your child’s grades were already mediocre, then they’re fired from a freaking summer internship. Would you, I don’t know, be eager to write more tuition & room checks this fall and spring or is that out of the question?

DP Ask yourself this. Do you want your kid living on the streets or do you want to help them get launched into life? Find out why there is mediocre grades and why they got fired and then help them.

How to help them: go back in time to when they were in first grade, and from then on, inculcate good study habits, personal responsibility, accountability for failure, and good morals. Way too late to do all that now. The OP has failed profoundly as a parent, and can never catch up.