Would you punish college son or daughter for getting fired from summer internship?

[Anonymous]

How can you get fired from an internship? We get a lot of summer interns but I have never seen anyone getting fired. Sex in the office? Getting drunk in the office? Drug??

[Anonymous]

Hard to say without any real info.

But at that age, natural consequences. What you should not do is protect your child from the natural consequences or fix it for them.

That means if they were making $$, you don't give them $$ because they got fired.

And IF they ask your advice, offer thoughts on things a person can do to make amends or fix things or how to handle things differently in the future. But again, you don't do those things for them. They do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on reason.

Fired for cause, or laid off because not enough work available etc?

Fired for cause.

I would sure a hell make sure the young adult understands fully how to do better in the future, and how this could have long-reaching consequences. Hopefully it's low stakes, but when I've had lackluster intern, I've declined to serve as a reference and I've also made a note about their eligibility for re-hire within a company. Hopefully this was low-stakes, but a teachable event :/ How is your young adult reacting? Does s/he understand what happened? Was it truly egregious, or... employer could over-react also, and an intern is easier to fire than to put resources into training better, so if it were an honest mistake, lack of knowledge, not asking for help instead of trying something... versus showing up for work drunk, surfing the internet all day, propositioning a boss...

I suspect it was showing up drunk or absenteeism but I have legitimately no idea. It could be anything. Child doesn’t know we know, yet.

Is this OP? OP, if you think your child showed up drunk to work, or was so hung over he or she could not show up, you need to be thinking about how to get them help for their addiction, not "punishing" them.

It seems like there are a ton of relevant details here that you are leaving out, starting with why "drunk" is your go to assumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need way more information, OP.

Age of student? Why fired? What type of internship? Truly "fired" for poor performance?

+1

Not sure how to "punish" an adult student, but I do think I'd make it clear that my continued support (living at home during summers/ after graduation, any monetary support you give them now while they're in college, etc) was contingent upon them making the right choices. If you're not working, getting decent grades, and generally behaving like you have a life plan and take it seriously, then you shouldn't plan on an extended stay at Hotel Mom & Dad.

Withdrawing financial support is punishing an adult student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on reason.

Fired for cause, or laid off because not enough work available etc?

Fired for cause.

I would sure a hell make sure the young adult understands fully how to do better in the future, and how this could have long-reaching consequences. Hopefully it's low stakes, but when I've had lackluster intern, I've declined to serve as a reference and I've also made a note about their eligibility for re-hire within a company. Hopefully this was low-stakes, but a teachable event :/ How is your young adult reacting? Does s/he understand what happened? Was it truly egregious, or... employer could over-react also, and an intern is easier to fire than to put resources into training better, so if it were an honest mistake, lack of knowledge, not asking for help instead of trying something... versus showing up for work drunk, surfing the internet all day, propositioning a boss...

I suspect it was showing up drunk or absenteeism but I have legitimately no idea. It could be anything. Child doesn’t know we know, yet.

It was wrong of me to speculate. I really am truly at a loss. It could be as “harmless” as didn’t feel like showing up last few weeks. Literally no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need way more information, OP.

Age of student? Why fired? What type of internship? Truly "fired" for poor performance?

+1

Not sure how to "punish" an adult student, but I do think I'd make it clear that my continued support (living at home during summers/ after graduation, any monetary support you give them now while they're in college, etc) was contingent upon them making the right choices. If you're not working, getting decent grades, and generally behaving like you have a life plan and take it seriously, then you shouldn't plan on an extended stay at Hotel Mom & Dad.

Withdrawing financial support is punishing an adult student.

To a helicopter parent that thinks its child abuse for a kid to take out med school loans, maybe. The rest of us know we're not entitled to that from our parents and it's a generous gift. Failing to give a person a generous gift is not a punishment, even if it can be a consequence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on reason.

Fired for cause, or laid off because not enough work available etc?

Fired for cause.

I would sure a hell make sure the young adult understands fully how to do better in the future, and how this could have long-reaching consequences. Hopefully it's low stakes, but when I've had lackluster intern, I've declined to serve as a reference and I've also made a note about their eligibility for re-hire within a company. Hopefully this was low-stakes, but a teachable event :/ How is your young adult reacting? Does s/he understand what happened? Was it truly egregious, or... employer could over-react also, and an intern is easier to fire than to put resources into training better, so if it were an honest mistake, lack of knowledge, not asking for help instead of trying something... versus showing up for work drunk, surfing the internet all day, propositioning a boss...

I suspect it was showing up drunk or absenteeism but I have legitimately no idea. It could be anything. Child doesn’t know we know, yet.

It was wrong of me to speculate. I really am truly at a loss. It could be as “harmless” as didn’t feel like showing up last few weeks. Literally no idea.

What? You think your kid might have decided not to go to their job for weeks, and that's the "harmless" version? Is your kid recklessly irresponsible as a rule?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can you get fired from an internship? We get a lot of summer interns but I have never seen anyone getting fired. Sex in the office? Getting drunk in the office? Drug??

As I think, I’m wondering if just quit showing up is what it could be. Maybe that’s just us trying to hope it’s not something even lower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on reason.

Fired for cause, or laid off because not enough work available etc?

Fired for cause.

I would sure a hell make sure the young adult understands fully how to do better in the future, and how this could have long-reaching consequences. Hopefully it's low stakes, but when I've had lackluster intern, I've declined to serve as a reference and I've also made a note about their eligibility for re-hire within a company. Hopefully this was low-stakes, but a teachable event :/ How is your young adult reacting? Does s/he understand what happened? Was it truly egregious, or... employer could over-react also, and an intern is easier to fire than to put resources into training better, so if it were an honest mistake, lack of knowledge, not asking for help instead of trying something... versus showing up for work drunk, surfing the internet all day, propositioning a boss...

I suspect it was showing up drunk or absenteeism but I have legitimately no idea. It could be anything. Child doesn’t know we know, yet.

It was wrong of me to speculate. I really am truly at a loss. It could be as “harmless” as didn’t feel like showing up last few weeks. Literally no idea.

What? You think your kid might have decided not to go to their job for weeks, and that's the "harmless" version? Is your kid recklessly irresponsible as a rule?

Getting fired is reckless, period. But I suppose quitting/ghosting is slightly less awful than showing up drunk? I don’t know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming intern could have prevented it, use it as opportunity to figure out what’s going wrong and why. Be happy you have the chance to help teach before it’s a job with funds necessary for living. Don’t be punitive, be helpful.

+1

Unless the student somehow deliberately got themselves fired, the firing is punishment enough. Time to figure out how to help them for when it counts a lot more.

If they got fired for insubordination or repeated tardiness, I don't think the firing is punishment enough. I wouldn't make up the financial difference from the lost salary. Or if it is an unpaid internship, I'd start requiring that DC to get a job to pay for some of the expenses I would otherwise cover. If the cause is they were in over their heads, then the firing is punishment enough. I've had assignments where I've been totally lost/over my head as an intern. Luckily I had proven myself before those assignments came along, so I was given slack. If they were my first assignments, I'm not sure how that would have gone.

[Anonymous]

Need a lot more info OP and it seems as though you have ghosted the forum.

Would you punish your spouse for being fired? No, who would? So. Don't punish your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh. What? How does one “punish” a non minor? Was it earning money crucial towards college budget? If so make clear you are not going to make up that money and they need to find a new way to earn cash, stat.

Why did he or she get fired??

Say your child’s grades were already mediocre, then they’re fired from a freaking summer internship. Would you, I don’t know, be eager to write more tuition & room checks this fall and spring or is that out of the question?

I would not write the checks upfront. I would let child take loans and pay them when I saw the grades were satisfactory at the end of the term.

Aren't school loans based on parent income levels or having a parent cosign?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh. What? How does one “punish” a non minor? Was it earning money crucial towards college budget? If so make clear you are not going to make up that money and they need to find a new way to earn cash, stat.

Why did he or she get fired??

Say your child’s grades were already mediocre, then they’re fired from a freaking summer internship. Would you, I don’t know, be eager to write more tuition & room checks this fall and spring or is that out of the question?

DP Ask yourself this. Do you want your kid living on the streets or do you want to help them get launched into life? Find out why there is mediocre grades and why they got fired and then help them.

How to help them: go back in time to when they were in first grade, and from then on, inculcate good study habits, personal responsibility, accountability for failure, and good morals. Way too late to do all that now. The OP has failed profoundly as a parent, and can never catch up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need way more information, OP.

Age of student? Why fired? What type of internship? Truly "fired" for poor performance?

+1

Not sure how to "punish" an adult student, but I do think I'd make it clear that my continued support (living at home during summers/ after graduation, any monetary support you give them now while they're in college, etc) was contingent upon them making the right choices. If you're not working, getting decent grades, and generally behaving like you have a life plan and take it seriously, then you shouldn't plan on an extended stay at Hotel Mom & Dad.

Withdrawing financial support is punishing an adult student.

To a helicopter parent that thinks its child abuse for a kid to take out med school loans, maybe. The rest of us know we're not entitled to that from our parents and it's a generous gift. Failing to give a person a generous gift is not a punishment, even if it can be a consequence.

A negative consequence is a punishment, no matter how you spin it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on reason.

Fired for cause, or laid off because not enough work available etc?

Fired for cause.

I would sure a hell make sure the young adult understands fully how to do better in the future, and how this could have long-reaching consequences. Hopefully it's low stakes, but when I've had lackluster intern, I've declined to serve as a reference and I've also made a note about their eligibility for re-hire within a company. Hopefully this was low-stakes, but a teachable event :/ How is your young adult reacting? Does s/he understand what happened? Was it truly egregious, or... employer could over-react also, and an intern is easier to fire than to put resources into training better, so if it were an honest mistake, lack of knowledge, not asking for help instead of trying something... versus showing up for work drunk, surfing the internet all day, propositioning a boss...

I suspect it was showing up drunk or absenteeism but I have legitimately no idea. It could be anything. Child doesn’t know we know, yet.

It was wrong of me to speculate. I really am truly at a loss. It could be as “harmless” as didn’t feel like showing up last few weeks. Literally no idea.

What? You think your kid might have decided not to go to their job for weeks, and that's the "harmless" version? Is your kid recklessly irresponsible as a rule?

To be fair, the kid didn't feel like showing up for class for the last two months of the semester, either. Harmless!