DH texting much younger woman on Signal, should I worry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a previous poster here from a few months back, about DH, who is in his mid 60s, being overly close with our neighbor, a 30 year old woman from Eastern Europe.

My thoughts were always that if she were a classic golddigger, she'd have a lot more obvious choices. All of our friends really like her, but it bothered me that DH would always go so out of his way to help her with things. Her affection toward him seemed inappropriate. Nobody else seemed to feel this way or notice anything. Anyways, I let it go, especially since it appeared that she was seeing someone (her own age), until the other day I noticed DH got a message on his phone from her through the Signal app.

What is this? What does she possibly need to talk with him about in private? Why are they using Signal?

Can you link your previous post? I think that would help assessing the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a previous poster here from a few months back, about DH, who is in his mid 60s, being overly close with our neighbor, a 30 year old woman from Eastern Europe.

My thoughts were always that if she were a classic golddigger, she'd have a lot more obvious choices. All of our friends really like her, but it bothered me that DH would always go so out of his way to help her with things. Her affection toward him seemed inappropriate. Nobody else seemed to feel this way or notice anything. Anyways, I let it go, especially since it appeared that she was seeing someone (her own age), until the other day I noticed DH got a message on his phone from her through the Signal app.

What is this? What does she possibly need to talk with him about in private? Why are they using Signal?

Can you link your previous post? I think that would help assessing the situation.

Here it is

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/794059.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember your thread, and I think I replied on it.

My response is the same. I spent a number of years in Eastern Europe, and I am familiar with the cultural attitudes toward young women/older men AND I watched a number of expat marriages implode due to middle aged (or older) men having affairs with young women who threw themselves at them.

You have good reason to worry. I would never, ever have just let this go, and I'm not surprised it is progressing in this way.

Your DH's age means nothing in this situation.

Is it a cultural thing that young Eastern european women are into old men?

In the two EE countries where I lived, relationships were not based so much on the guy being young and hot. It was more about whether he was a good provider who could take care of her. In one of the EE countries (I lived there for 5 years), men had a vastly shorter predicted lifespan due to widespread alcohol use (also cultural). To put it simply, there was a lot more competition for the good guys. And most people lived in relative poverty. If you grow up in that culture, your perspective is going to be different from that of a middle class white American girl who grew up in a comfy suburb with everything she needed/wanted. In that culture, a young hot guy who is an alcoholic or who lives in a tiny, dark Soviet era flat and isn't ever getting out is simply not something you would see as desirable. An older, established guy who can take care of you and offer a better life is going to be a great pick and there will be tons of young women competing for him. Nobody is commenting on his age.

Again, I saw this play out so many times with expat couples where the middle aged or older man had an affair with one or more of the gorgeous young women who swarmed him. These guys never got that kind of attention in the US. The girls were happy to have an older, paunchy American husband who offered them a standard of living beyond anything they could have hoped for if they stuck with "young hot" guys they knew from school or their (ugly, cramped, overpopulated) blocks of flats.

The way you think of and assess mates is completely different.

This precisely explains Melania Trump.
Gold digging is one thing, and I understand the perspective of seeking a provider versus looks since looks fade anyway, but even I can't comprehend how someone could tolerate not only the abuse and vile personality but also the ghastly, repulsive looks of Donald Trump, and all the money in the world would not make having to sleep against that fat orange...thing... Jabba the Hutt ...every night, any less of a hell. It just shows you how ingrained this perspective is, which even Melania is now regretting. Not that I feel any sympathy for her, but she does appear miserable since being first lady to a fascist regime is NOT what she signed up for.

We don't know why she married Trump. Same with Bill, Hillary, or Michelle O. How do you know Melania is regretting marrying this guy? She could easily divorce and still be well off. Hillary, Bill or MO aren't the most attractive people either, nor do we know why their spouses married or stay married to them. Who cares, your post seems all about a political agenda. Not related to this topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Almost everyone I know uses Signal as the default messaging app. It's not crazy to want to keep apple and facebook and at&t from spying on you. Regular SMS is transmitted basically in plain text.

OMG, another dim one. If he uses the stock phone app for all his normal texts, but uses Signal just for her, something is very fishy.

Exactly. He hiding them from her.

OP why have you waited this long?? Confront him then tell her to knock it off. Married men have no business seeing out friendships from single women. That was the clue there, don't let this go on. And pls update us when you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember your thread, and I think I replied on it.

My response is the same. I spent a number of years in Eastern Europe, and I am familiar with the cultural attitudes toward young women/older men AND I watched a number of expat marriages implode due to middle aged (or older) men having affairs with young women who threw themselves at them.

You have good reason to worry. I would never, ever have just let this go, and I'm not surprised it is progressing in this way.

Your DH's age means nothing in this situation.

Is it a cultural thing that young Eastern european women are into old men?

In the two EE countries where I lived, relationships were not based so much on the guy being young and hot. It was more about whether he was a good provider who could take care of her. In one of the EE countries (I lived there for 5 years), men had a vastly shorter predicted lifespan due to widespread alcohol use (also cultural). To put it simply, there was a lot more competition for the good guys. And most people lived in relative poverty. If you grow up in that culture, your perspective is going to be different from that of a middle class white American girl who grew up in a comfy suburb with everything she needed/wanted. In that culture, a young hot guy who is an alcoholic or who lives in a tiny, dark Soviet era flat and isn't ever getting out is simply not something you would see as desirable. An older, established guy who can take care of you and offer a better life is going to be a great pick and there will be tons of young women competing for him. Nobody is commenting on his age.

Again, I saw this play out so many times with expat couples where the middle aged or older man had an affair with one or more of the gorgeous young women who swarmed him. These guys never got that kind of attention in the US. The girls were happy to have an older, paunchy American husband who offered them a standard of living beyond anything they could have hoped for if they stuck with "young hot" guys they knew from school or their (ugly, cramped, overpopulated) blocks of flats.

The way you think of and assess mates is completely different.

This precisely explains Melania Trump.
Gold digging is one thing, and I understand the perspective of seeking a provider versus looks since looks fade anyway, but even I can't comprehend how someone could tolerate not only the abuse and vile personality but also the ghastly, repulsive looks of Donald Trump, and all the money in the world would not make having to sleep against that fat orange...thing... Jabba the Hutt ...every night, any less of a hell. It just shows you how ingrained this perspective is, which even Melania is now regretting. Not that I feel any sympathy for her, but she does appear miserable since being first lady to a fascist regime is NOT what she signed up for.

We don't know why she married Trump. Same with Bill, Hillary, or Michelle O. How do you know Melania is regretting marrying this guy? She could easily divorce and still be well off. Hillary, Bill or MO aren't the most attractive people either, nor do we know why their spouses married or stay married to them. Who cares, your post seems all about a political agenda. Not related to this topic.

I mean they certainly seem in love, right? Melania and Donald are always so joyous around each other. The warmth is palpable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember your thread, and I think I replied on it.

My response is the same. I spent a number of years in Eastern Europe, and I am familiar with the cultural attitudes toward young women/older men AND I watched a number of expat marriages implode due to middle aged (or older) men having affairs with young women who threw themselves at them.

You have good reason to worry. I would never, ever have just let this go, and I'm not surprised it is progressing in this way.

Your DH's age means nothing in this situation.

Is it a cultural thing that young Eastern european women are into old men?

In the two EE countries where I lived, relationships were not based so much on the guy being young and hot. It was more about whether he was a good provider who could take care of her. In one of the EE countries (I lived there for 5 years), men had a vastly shorter predicted lifespan due to widespread alcohol use (also cultural). To put it simply, there was a lot more competition for the good guys. And most people lived in relative poverty. If you grow up in that culture, your perspective is going to be different from that of a middle class white American girl who grew up in a comfy suburb with everything she needed/wanted. In that culture, a young hot guy who is an alcoholic or who lives in a tiny, dark Soviet era flat and isn't ever getting out is simply not something you would see as desirable. An older, established guy who can take care of you and offer a better life is going to be a great pick and there will be tons of young women competing for him. Nobody is commenting on his age.

Again, I saw this play out so many times with expat couples where the middle aged or older man had an affair with one or more of the gorgeous young women who swarmed him. These guys never got that kind of attention in the US. The girls were happy to have an older, paunchy American husband who offered them a standard of living beyond anything they could have hoped for if they stuck with "young hot" guys they knew from school or their (ugly, cramped, overpopulated) blocks of flats.

The way you think of and assess mates is completely different.

This precisely explains Melania Trump.
Gold digging is one thing, and I understand the perspective of seeking a provider versus looks since looks fade anyway, but even I can't comprehend how someone could tolerate not only the abuse and vile personality but also the ghastly, repulsive looks of Donald Trump, and all the money in the world would not make having to sleep against that fat orange...thing... Jabba the Hutt ...every night, any less of a hell. It just shows you how ingrained this perspective is, which even Melania is now regretting. Not that I feel any sympathy for her, but she does appear miserable since being first lady to a fascist regime is NOT what she signed up for.

We don't know why she married Trump. Same with Bill, Hillary, or Michelle O. How do you know Melania is regretting marrying this guy? She could easily divorce and still be well off. Hillary, Bill or MO aren't the most attractive people either, nor do we know why their spouses married or stay married to them. Who cares, your post seems all about a political agenda. Not related to this topic.

It doesn't matter whether or not you agree with Trump and his politics. The objective truth is that Trump is not attractive. He is wealthy, but not at all physically attractive. There is absolutely no reason Melania could have married him other than his money and perception of a provider and male authority figure. The question was about Eastern European women choosing to marry much older men for their money rather than younger, more attractive men, and this is a classic example of that.

[Anonymous]

The Vanity Fair article on Melania, her upbringing and her parents’ relationship was extremely insightful on why Melania probably married Trump. And she’s not stupid, she wasn’t fooled into that marriage. If you’re wondering why an attractive woman from an Eastern European country would enter into a marriage like that or be attracted to someone old enough to be their father, read it. This could be what is happening to OP

OP, take screen shots or photos from your own phone as evidence.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous
Wow my DH was on the path to an emotional affair with an EE woman who married a frumpy guy really young.. I knew that I had to nip it in the butt and I'm glad I did. It's nip it in the bud, not butt. You nip a flower bud before it blooms. That's what the saying means. It has nothing to do with anyones butt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Vanity Fair article on Melania, her upbringing and her parents’ relationship was extremely insightful on why Melania probably married Trump. And she’s not stupid, she wasn’t fooled into that marriage. If you’re wondering why an attractive woman from an Eastern European country would enter into a marriage like that or be attracted to someone old enough to be their father, read it. This could be what is happening to OP

OP, take screen shots or photos from your own phone as evidence.

Women do it here left and right. They target a not so attractive man because he's easy pickens. Married or not.

Most probably want a better lifestyle for them and their kids. An established older man will be willing to provide that for youth and sex. It's rarely about love, though the older man sadly thinks it is. Her DH is loving the attention, and the excitement from a con artist. Doesn't matter where the twit is from, it's everywhere!

Also, Many more unattractive men than DT. Look at that Kelly Conway's husband, tell me what that's about. Both have great careers, but for the life of me.....again you never really know why couples marry or stay together. If it works that's great.

[Anonymous]

The Vanity Fair article on Melania, her upbringing and her parents’ relationship was extremely insightful on why Melania probably married Trump. And she’s not stupid, she wasn’t fooled into that marriage. If you’re wondering why an attractive woman from an Eastern European country would enter into a marriage like that or be attracted to someone old enough to be their father, read it. This could be what is happening to OP

OP, take screen shots or photos from your own phone as evidence.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for repost. Don’t know what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Almost everyone I know uses Signal as the default messaging app. It's not crazy to want to keep apple and facebook and at&t from spying on you. Regular SMS is transmitted basically in plain text.

Zero people I know use this. Zero. Unless I don't know about it because they are having an affair.

Everyone I know uses signal but they tend to come from tech industry. I'm amazed at the number of people who don't realize how unsecure messaging is. I'm amazed at the number of people who don't realize how non secure all the data is on a cell phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Almost everyone I know uses Signal as the default messaging app. It's not crazy to want to keep apple and facebook and at&t from spying on you. Regular SMS is transmitted basically in plain text.

Zero people I know use this. Zero. Unless I don't know about it because they are having an affair.

Everyone I know uses signal but they tend to come from tech industry. I'm amazed at the number of people who don't realize how unsecure messaging is. I'm amazed at the number of people who don't realize how non secure all the data is on a cell phone.

Pardon my ignorance, but when I'm telling my husband to pick up some corn from the grocery store, I'm not exactly revealing state secrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[quote=Anonymous
Wow my DH was on the path to an emotional affair with an EE woman who married a frumpy guy really young.. I knew that I had to nip it in the butt and I'm glad I did.

It's nip it in the bud, not butt. You nip a flower bud before it blooms. That's what the saying means. It has nothing to do with anyones butt.

LOL I had no idea.. I always say butt!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember your thread, and I think I replied on it.

My response is the same. I spent a number of years in Eastern Europe, and I am familiar with the cultural attitudes toward young women/older men AND I watched a number of expat marriages implode due to middle aged (or older) men having affairs with young women who threw themselves at them.

You have good reason to worry. I would never, ever have just let this go, and I'm not surprised it is progressing in this way.

Your DH's age means nothing in this situation.

Is it a cultural thing that young Eastern european women are into old men?

In the two EE countries where I lived, relationships were not based so much on the guy being young and hot. It was more about whether he was a good provider who could take care of her. In one of the EE countries (I lived there for 5 years), men had a vastly shorter predicted lifespan due to widespread alcohol use (also cultural). To put it simply, there was a lot more competition for the good guys. And most people lived in relative poverty. If you grow up in that culture, your perspective is going to be different from that of a middle class white American girl who grew up in a comfy suburb with everything she needed/wanted. In that culture, a young hot guy who is an alcoholic or who lives in a tiny, dark Soviet era flat and isn't ever getting out is simply not something you would see as desirable. An older, established guy who can take care of you and offer a better life is going to be a great pick and there will be tons of young women competing for him. Nobody is commenting on his age.

Again, I saw this play out so many times with expat couples where the middle aged or older man had an affair with one or more of the gorgeous young women who swarmed him. These guys never got that kind of attention in the US. The girls were happy to have an older, paunchy American husband who offered them a standard of living beyond anything they could have hoped for if they stuck with "young hot" guys they knew from school or their (ugly, cramped, overpopulated) blocks of flats.

The way you think of and assess mates is completely different.

Did they leave their wives?

Yes, always. I saw this happen multiple times. Each time, the man was besotted with his young girlfriend, and each time, the humiliated American wife ended up moving home while the husband remarried his young girlfriend and enjoyed no change in social status among the expat community. It was very disheartening to watch how the other US men, married or not, really seemed to admire the man who had hooked up with a hot young EE girlfriend and discarded his middle aged wife. Before I left the US, I would never have imagined that this would be the case, to this degree. They had all seemed to be happily married, settled fathers prior to dumping their wives overseas. A lot of times the affairs wrecked their relationships with their children, but they didn't seem to care.

They usually had a new baby to start their new family fairly quickly, though were not pregnant at time of marriage. The girls really wanted a family experience.

The worst case was when a middle aged American man actually worked two offices down from his middle aged American wife. He started a blatant affair with a 21 year old EE secretary, and made no attempt to hide it when he moved out of the house he shared with his wife. She moved home and he married the young girl. He still works in the same job in that country. They have two young children now.

Yes, this culture does explain Melania. No woman in Eastern Europe thinks a stable provider is less than a catch, no matter what he looks like. They just don't have the same priorities.

I suppose I can understand the mindset, having seen the way many of these girls and their families grew up. But no way would I be happy if my DH were messaging one of them or hanging out with her, or showing her special attention. I know where that leads.

I have worked with these EE women and the nasty men who marry them and saw first hand affairs go down and trailing male spouses marry these women and settle down. Two observations:
1. It is about more than money and security. These women love duping dumb Americans. They also love making old American women jealous. When you are upset they are super trilled!!!

2. We think you old men with young women are disgusting. We (I’m Ukrainian, FWIW) think the woman are low-rent girls from the village with no education who could do no more than lay in their backs to get ahead.