Do public school parents feel superior to private school ones?

[Anonymous]

I am a private school parent who doesn't like to talk about it with public school parents for fear that I will suggest that my child's private school is better than their public school. I know what's best for my child, but how can I know what's best for another's? Even if my child's school is "better," what's the point of making someone else feel that way. Maybe its not in their family budget to shell out close to 30K; there are SO few spots that getting in is completely random and so maybe they tried and it didn't work out. Who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a private school parent who doesn't like to talk about it with public school parents for fear that I will suggest that my child's private school is better than their public school. I know what's best for my child, but how can I know what's best for another's? Even if my child's school is "better," what's the point of making someone else feel that way. Maybe its not in their family budget to shell out close to 30K; there are SO few spots that getting in is completely random and so maybe they tried and it didn't work out. Who knows.

Please. Again with the apologies. First off it is NOT completely random who gets in. There is a random element, as with everything. But it's ridiculous to pander to the masses by saying it's a roll of the dice who gets into a private school. Second, you're not suggesting your school is better than theirs, necessarily. You are certainly suggesting that the school you are shelling out $30K for is better than the free school you chose to pass up. Of course it's better (for your child...gotta always throw that in on DCUM or they jump you).

What bothers me is all the pussy footing around. I drive a crap car and vacation in Delaware every year so I can pay for that private school. You bet your sweet ass I think it's a better school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Anyway, not criticizing you really, just saying it has to be hard going to Harvard.

Not really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But the kind of person who asks is generally the kind of person who cares and who makes a big deal out of it one way or another.

Which is precisely why I don't care how s/he takes it.

[Anonymous]

I went to a regular old state school (Podunk U represent!) which I loved, and I do not care a whit either way if someone tells me they went to Harvard. And we plan to send our DC to public school, and I do not care one bit if you send your kid to private school. Most people do not care. I know nice smart people who went to fancy schools, nice smart people who went to regular schools, total jerks who went to fancy schools, and total jerks who went to regular schools. It's a big world and we're all different, and school choice is one teeny little part of a person's biography.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you still give a shit where you or anyone else went to university past the age of 30 there is something very wrong with you.

Said like a true Podunk grad.

Ha, I am a Harvard alum and agree with the "if you still give a sh*t...." poster. Yes, it was fabulous, but what I love about DC is how folks come from all over the country to work here and the best and the brightest hail from a variety of schools and regions. I understand that some folks will care after 30, but that is life. I wasn't a big fan of Rehnquist's but he did pick law clerks from a variety of schools. A pp claimed that Podunk U grads may be limited by choices: are you really limiting yourself if you opt for UNC Law over HLS if your spouse happens to be in another grad program at UNC?

[Anonymous]

I know what Harvard is saying and why she can't just tell people where she went. My child goes to any Ivy. When the mailman or Fed-Ex man ask where she is going because they've known her since she was 5 -- we say NJ...but then they asked further and we said "Princeton". We didn't want to make them feel bad...but it was our "bad" because they were really excited for her and were telling everyone about it. So, they taught me a lesson not to be abashed about such an accomplishment.

I went to Podunk U by the way and now it is in the spotlight because it has the best football record in its history -- top 5 in the national rankings. Now my husband & I don't mind telling people because at least other people have heard of the school now.

[Anonymous]

I went to Virginia Tech. It would have never occurred to me to even apply to Harvard ... I couldn't afford it, wasn't academically prepared for it, was hard working but not smart enough for it. I am generally impressed with the Harvard grads I've met. I don't resent them in the least. I am currently giving my child the best education and academic preparation I can and also saving for college as much as I can so that he might have the option to attend any appropriate college when the time comes ... be it Harvard OR Virginia Tech!

So back to the original topic ... whether a parent chooses public or private is a decision only they can make and it is annoying when either "side" holds forth on their choice using even a hint of moral superiority. Generally that attitude is closely related to their level of insecurity.

[Anonymous]

Dude, I am so frickin' normal that if I went to Harvard, I would wear a shirt everyday that said "I went to Harvard and you are all dumb-asses"

I am not kidding.

[Anonymous]

You're right. The school doesn't make a difference. Everyone is equal. Give every participant a blue ribbon. Let's not hurt anyone's feelings.

I suppose you are going to be jumping from the rafters to announce Jr. has decided to work at the car wash. That's just as good as being a doctor. No one cares if you're a doctor or a car wash attendant. Only jerks care.

Well, I for one don't want my kids to be car wash attendants, and I want them to aim for a school that is good. Harvard good. Not Podunk good.

[Anonymous]

9:53 again. School DOES matter ... there is no doubt Harvard provides a better education than Tech. But not everyone is smart enough to go there. Moreover, even those who ARE smart enough have to be properly prepared. My parents sent me off to public and provided zero guidance on how to work towards college other than general encouragement. I can assure you that was NOT sufficient. And even with FA and loans, private university is a pretty steep hill for average income families. I think it is reasonable to prepare your child for HIS/HER best potential ... but not to the extent that choosing a public college would make child feel like some kind of failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're right. The school doesn't make a difference. Everyone is equal. Give every participant a blue ribbon. Let's not hurt anyone's feelings.

I suppose you are going to be jumping from the rafters to announce Jr. has decided to work at the car wash. That's just as good as being a doctor. No one cares if you're a doctor or a car wash attendant. Only jerks care.

Well, I for one don't want my kids to be car wash attendants, and I want them to aim for a school that is good. Harvard good. Not Podunk good.

Oh, this is so painfully narrow. You are asking karma to come and smack you upside the head (a la, your kids will be car wash employees).

Obviously, Harvard is a great school, but you KNOW that does not equal happiness, self-fulfillment, or success, be it monetary or emotional. Harvard is NOT a predictor of anything, it only says you were ONCE smart enough to get in. Please say you know that.

My DH went to an Ivy. I went Podunk. He is, on paper, brilliant. I am, on paper, totally average. He is INCAPABLE of reading people and situations accurately. I am gifted at it. Guess who struggles more? The Ivy-leaguer, my friend. That does mean every Ivy leaguer struggles or vice versa, but your myopic view of education is alarming.

[Anonymous]

You're right. The school doesn't make a difference. Everyone is equal. Give every participant a blue ribbon. Let's not hurt anyone's feelings.

I suppose you are going to be jumping from the rafters to announce Jr. has decided to work at the car wash. That's just as good as being a doctor. No one cares if you're a doctor or a car wash attendant. Only jerks care.

Well, I for one don't want my kids to be car wash attendants, and I want them to aim for a school that is good. Harvard good. Not Podunk good.

You're a jerk.

The schools that people are referring to as "Podunk U" in this thread are, I'm guessing, perfectly good schools that happen to lack the prestige of a school like Harvard or Yale. There are a million reasons why someone would choose to go to a "regular" school rather than an Ivy League school. I would have hated Harvard (and no, I didn't apply, and no, I don't know whether I would have gotten in. They wouldn't have laughed at my application, but I certainly wouldn't have been a shoo-in). There are Phi Beta Kappa chapters at a lot of schools, and Rhodes Scholars who come from a variety of schools. And guess what? They have perfectly good medical schools at a lot Podunk U's too! They make doctors and lawyers at places other than Harvard!

Also, I would honestly rather my child grow up to be a mechanic instead of a doctor if he had a passion for cars and no interest in medicine. That's the truth.

[Anonymous]

Well I, for one, believe that private school is better than public school and it not just about the education. I also think public school is better than Catholic school and it is just about the education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you still give a shit where you or anyone else went to university past the age of 30 there is something very wrong with you.

Said like a true Podunk grad.

Quite the opposite, as a matter of fact. I went to two of the best universities in the country.

But my sense of self worth no longer comes from that, if it ever did. The kind of person you are and the things you achieve in the real world are far more important. If you are still defining yourself by your college beyond a certain age then I pity you.

And for what its worth, some of my friends who dropped out and never completed college have had far more productive, interesting, and worthwhile lives and careers than the majority of people who attended my alma mater.