DH told me he’s unhappy in the marriage

[Anonymous]

Do you think he might be having an affair, with someone at work (and the happy hour)? Have you guys been struggling, or are his feelings news to you? Where do you think this is coming from?

[Anonymous]

Are there kids involved - yours, his, yours together!

[Anonymous]

Either divorce now or divorce later. It's worse for the latter as there're kid(s) involved and your loss of precious (dating, fun, etc.) time.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Just say okay and get a lawyer. With no kids, this should be fairly quick and easy. Do not go to marriage counseling. He is telling you he is done and it hasn’t even been a year and he’s been feeling done for months. If you had been married for years and had kids then I would say give it a shot but you just need to cut your losses.

Also, you need to get into individual counseling.

[Anonymous]

You know what makes it easy to slip out gracefully? Moving out so you don't have to see them. That whole list reads like a giant weird mind-game. Not necessary. Just end things and go no-contact.

^^^ this, OP.

Do you have kids from your previous marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he say why he is unhappy? I agree in the first year this is bad - and I would consider divorcing. I know it’s not what you want to hear as a newlywed. But this early on, things don’t usually get better. Why did you two marry and how long did you date?

He thinks we rushed into marriage too quickly and he wasn’t as ready as he thought he was. We dated for 3 years before we got married.

He wants out. There will be no changing his mind. Believe him, and walk away with your dignity.

[Anonymous]

Get out before kids.
Get out before kids.

I can’t say it enough.
Trust me.

[Anonymous]

Second marriage? You aren't good at this marriage thing. Accept that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He thinks you rushed into marriage after THREE YEARS of dating? I'm leaning more toward the affair camp now. Maybe he hasn't made it physical yet, but he's clearly not ready for WHATEVER reason. Don't dig this hole any deeper.

OP, did you feel pressure to get remarried, and so you moved forward with a new guy who was perhaps not the right match for you?

That's most second marriages imo. Too much baggage, they rarely work out.

[Anonymous]

End it. He is doing you a huge favor by confessing his ambivalence about being your life partner.

Maybe he has deep-rooted problems with intimacy or commitment. Maybe you are not the right fit for each other. Maybe he's having an affair and maybe he is just feeling like something is missing or there is something more exciting out there. Doesn't matter. A year after marriage, he is past the short-term anxiety that some people experience while planning a wedding. The slog and stress of parenting is not yet an issue. If he is ambivalent now, he is not going to become sure later.

My ex was like yours, but he didn't confess to it. I saw and felt signs, but rationalized them. Nothing was terrible but it never quite felt right.

Divorce with kids is now the biggest sadness and loss of my life. I got over the relationship more easily than expected, but the loss of my vision of family has been devastating. Don't put yourself in that position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there kids involved - yours, his, yours together!

I have a 14 year old, he has a 20 and a 16 year old. We don’t have any kids together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Second marriage? You aren't good at this marriage thing. Accept that.

I agree, there must be something wrong with me.

[Anonymous]

Was he married before?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there kids involved - yours, his, yours together!

I have a 14 year old, he has a 20 and a 16 year old. We don’t have any kids together.

Definitely leave now. Staying will only make it harder on the kids. Especially the 14 year old. Trying to respect a stepparent who is making your bioparent miserable is re Joe for disaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second marriage? You aren't good at this marriage thing. Accept that.

I agree, there must be something wrong with me.

There's something wrong with everyone, and something wonderful and right with everyone.

Looks like your marriage isn't working out. That's very sad, and I'm so sorry you're going through a hard time.