DH told me he’s unhappy in the marriage

[Anonymous]

He said he’s felt this way for months, but didn’t know how to tell me. It took him having a few drinks at happy hour to build up the courage. He said it’s not me, it’s him (classic) and that he doesn’t know where we should go from here. We’ve only been married for a little over a year so I would like to work through this and try to get things back on track. I’m open to counseling, but I’m not sure it will be enough. Any other suggestions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He said he’s felt this way for months, but didn’t know how to tell me. It took him having a few drinks at happy hour to build up the courage. He said it’s not me, it’s him (classic) and that he doesn’t know where we should go from here. We’ve only been married for a little over a year so I would like to work through this and try to get things back on track. I’m open to counseling, but I’m not sure it will be enough. Any other suggestions?

If you've only been married for a year and he's already felt this way for months and you have no kids I'd say cut your losses and get out now.

[Anonymous]

He's having an affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He said he’s felt this way for months, but didn’t know how to tell me. It took him having a few drinks at happy hour to build up the courage. He said it’s not me, it’s him (classic) and that he doesn’t know where we should go from here. We’ve only been married for a little over a year so I would like to work through this and try to get things back on track. I’m open to counseling, but I’m not sure it will be enough. Any other suggestions?

If you've only been married for a year and he's already felt this way for months and you have no kids I'd say cut your losses and get out now.

Agree. I was your husband in this scenario. He's probably already having an affair. Just get divorced now and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He said he’s felt this way for months, but didn’t know how to tell me. It took him having a few drinks at happy hour to build up the courage. He said it’s not me, it’s him (classic) and that he doesn’t know where we should go from here. We’ve only been married for a little over a year so I would like to work through this and try to get things back on track. I’m open to counseling, but I’m not sure it will be enough. Any other suggestions?

If you've only been married for a year and he's already felt this way for months and you have no kids I'd say cut your losses and get out now.

Agree. I was your husband in this scenario. He's probably already having an affair. Just get divorced now and move on.

+1 he's bailing on you and marriage is long. Believe what he is trying to tell you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's having an affair

This gets thrown around a lot but this time I'd say probably true -- if not a physical affair just yet, clearly an emotional one. End the marriage now. It's doomed.

[Anonymous]

I am really sorry, OP. Please go to mediation and divide things up amicably. It will make things so much easier.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He said he’s felt this way for months, but didn’t know how to tell me. It took him having a few drinks at happy hour to build up the courage. He said it’s not me, it’s him (classic) and that he doesn’t know where we should go from here. We’ve only been married for a little over a year so I would like to work through this and try to get things back on track. I’m open to counseling, but I’m not sure it will be enough. Any other suggestions?

If you've only been married for a year and he's already felt this way for months and you have no kids I'd say cut your losses and get out now.

Agree. I was your husband in this scenario. He's probably already having an affair. Just get divorced now and move on.

+1 he's bailing on you and marriage is long. Believe what he is trying to tell you

All of this. Marriage gets EXPONENTIALLY harder when you add in kids, a mortgage, ailing parents, your own potential health issues -- if he's been unhappy for months and you've been married a year, get out now. This was your starter marriage, sorry to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He said he’s felt this way for months, but didn’t know how to tell me. It took him having a few drinks at happy hour to build up the courage. He said it’s not me, it’s him (classic) and that he doesn’t know where we should go from here. We’ve only been married for a little over a year so I would like to work through this and try to get things back on track. I’m open to counseling, but I’m not sure it will be enough. Any other suggestions?

If you've only been married for a year and he's already felt this way for months and you have no kids I'd say cut your losses and get out now.

This is sadly where you are. Chances are he somehow felt pressured into getting married (not necessarily by you), had reservations all along, but didn't have the guts to back out. Now he regrets it. I'm sorry for your pain. I would do couples therapy just to get to the bottom of how you both got to where you are now and to help you amicably find your way forward. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Did he say why he is unhappy? I agree in the first year this is bad - and I would consider divorcing. I know it’s not what you want to hear as a newlywed. But this early on, things don’t usually get better. Why did you two marry and how long did you date?

[Anonymous]

End it. Hes having an affair. Hes unable and unwilling to commit. He wants out. I PROMISE you that the best move here for your own future and your dignity is to remain calm, begin the Divorce 180 ASAP. Do not beg. Do not cry. Do not plead. Show him the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:End it. Hes having an affair. Hes unable and unwilling to commit. He wants out. I PROMISE you that the best move here for your own future and your dignity is to remain calm, begin the Divorce 180 ASAP. Do not beg. Do not cry. Do not plead. Show him the door.

+1

[Anonymous]

If it’s this bad this quick, before any of the typical stressors or marriage, my guess is that there were a lot of warning signs that were ignored before marriage and the marriage itself was a mistake. I’d move on ASAP and learn from it.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he’s gay, maybe he realizes he’s never going to feel for you like he felt for an ex, maybe he just doesn’t like being married. I think there’s lots of alternative possibilities than just affair. Unfortunately that doesn’t mean the advice to get out now isn’t good.

I was engaged once and had the date picked out, venue planned, caterer paid. We couldn’t get on with the rest of the planning though and we broke up. I was mortified, sad and thought my life was basically over. But god, there is not a day that goes by I’m not so very thankful I had the strength to do it. I am so much happier, married with kids and I there’s no bird in the back of my mind wondering if there is someone better for me.

You will grow, you will be happier and this will be in your past soo we than you know it. It’s sucks though, I’m sorry.