DH told me he’s unhappy in the marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was he married before?

No, this is his first marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was he married before?

No, this is his first marriage.

So he has two kids and was never married? Are the kids from the same mother?
I think you’re red flag is right here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's having an affair

Ditto. So sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you get fat

Who is this misogynistic a-Hole that keeps showing up in all these threads. Is there a way for Jeff to kick him out? Enough already. Are you an incel, a-Hole?

[Anonymous]

Check your bank accounts and credit report. Separate your finances. Move out and take your child and be free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was he married before?

No, this is his first marriage.

Red flag
How many baby mama’s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow him/her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say “I Love You”.
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Don’t sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold – just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don’t be overly enthusiastic.
23. Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger).
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and possibly walk away.
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
28. Be strong and confident.
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes.

Wow. How about, do not obsess about a list of 34 "do nots" and just separate. If he's already been unhappy for months in a marriage of less than a year, call it quits. You truly do not need to overthink this one. In some ways, he's done a really brave and good thing by facing this sooner rather than later.

Because the process will take weeks if not months and OP probably has already broken 10 of these rules.

who cares about rules? those rules are written for people desperately trying to get their spouse not to leave them. OP should just bail.

Yes but it is also very helpful to have an amicable divorce.

It sucks to have paid all that money for a wedding to get sidelined this early... but F it.. you dodged a bullet... do the list above and slip out gracefully.

You know what makes it easy to slip out gracefully? Moving out so you don't have to see them. That whole list reads like a giant weird mind-game. Not necessary. Just end things and go no-contact.

Sure move out ... give up your house and all your possessions.. and abandonment too.

[Anonymous]

I wish I wouldn’t have remarried. There were so many red flags. Now I feel stuck. OP, please get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Second marriage? You aren't good at this marriage thing. Accept that.

Stop it. That’s rude and unfair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow him/her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say “I Love You”.
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Don’t sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold – just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don’t be overly enthusiastic.
23. Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger).
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and possibly walk away.
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
28. Be strong and confident.
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes.

Wow. How about, do not obsess about a list of 34 "do nots" and just separate. If he's already been unhappy for months in a marriage of less than a year, call it quits. You truly do not need to overthink this one. In some ways, he's done a really brave and good thing by facing this sooner rather than later.

Because the process will take weeks if not months and OP probably has already broken 10 of these rules.

who cares about rules? those rules are written for people desperately trying to get their spouse not to leave them. OP should just bail.

Yes but it is also very helpful to have an amicable divorce.

It sucks to have paid all that money for a wedding to get sidelined this early... but F it.. you dodged a bullet... do the list above and slip out gracefully.

You know what makes it easy to slip out gracefully? Moving out so you don't have to see them. That whole list reads like a giant weird mind-game. Not necessary. Just end things and go no-contact.

Sure move out ... give up your house and all your possessions.. and abandonment too.

Rule 1: never take legal advice from DCUM

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry op

I was worried about my own marriage ending quickly

Part of it was the embarrassment of wasting the time / money for the wedding.. but I wonder if this one can be salvaged.. my guess is no

For what it's worth, we struggled a lot in year 1 and are still going strong with a kid in the mix now too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was he married before?

No, this is his first marriage.

So he has two kids and was never married? Are the kids from the same mother?
I think you’re red flag is right here.

His kids have the same mother. Biologically, the 20 year old isn’t his, but he raised him since he was 2 so he considers him his son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry op

I was worried about my own marriage ending quickly

Part of it was the embarrassment of wasting the time / money for the wedding.. but I wonder if this one can be salvaged.. my guess is no

For what it's worth, we struggled a lot in year 1 and are still going strong with a kid in the mix now too

We haven’t struggled at all so that’s part of the reason why his confession about his feelings were such a shock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry op

I was worried about my own marriage ending quickly

Part of it was the embarrassment of wasting the time / money for the wedding.. but I wonder if this one can be salvaged.. my guess is no

For what it's worth, we struggled a lot in year 1 and are still going strong with a kid in the mix now too

We haven’t struggled at all so that’s part of the reason why his confession about his feelings were such a shock.

That’s why you should think affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was he married before?

No, this is his first marriage.

So he has two kids and was never married? Are the kids from the same mother?
I think you’re red flag is right here.

His kids have the same mother. Biologically, the 20 year old isn’t his, but he raised him since he was 2 so he considers him his son.

So, he stayed with his ex for a decade and never married her?