standing meeting change that conflicts with drop-off

[Anonymous]

Write an email like this:

"Due to special circumstances at home for the next x months/years, I won't be able to take work calls before 9am. I'm always available during regular work hours 9am-5pm. If this is likely to be a problem, please let me know so I can start looking for another job. I love working here but before-hours availability just isn't something I have right now."

Then you have your answer, in writing, either way, and you don't need to wonder about it anymore.

FWIW I think 7am is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you can't talk it out with someone to explain that you simply are not available for a call at that hour, especially if you are willing to consider quitting. What do you have to lose?

But yeah, put the kid on the bus if you have bus service. She'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

You need to speak up, and stand up for yourself. As a military spouse who is also a parent you are serving your country too by holding down the home front while your spouse is deployed. It’s extra work and burden on the nondeployed spouse for sure. My work was very understanding when I asked for reduced (10%) fewer hours while my spouse was deployed. So few people serve now, and not very many from higher socioeconomic classes that tend to populate big companies, so your coworkers may have limited exposure to military life. Mine were like that too, but nevertheless were accommodating. But you need to tell people and ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there cell reception at your DD's school? If so I would just get there early and have her get out of the car at the start of carline and then park until the meeting is over.

Have you called the school to see about before care options?

No beforecare.

Yes, I can sit in their parking lot. I'm just worried about how that looks, and don't want the police called on me (I have OCD, and fear of police/arrest is a big thing with me). But maybe I can let them know and they'd be ok with it once a week.

I think you need treatment for anxiety. This is not a normal fear, nor is your mindset of just quitting rather than be what you feel is a burden. This is not a normal amount of hand-wringing over a relatively benign issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there cell reception at your DD's school? If so I would just get there early and have her get out of the car at the start of carline and then park until the meeting is over.

Have you called the school to see about before care options?

This is a great idea, or get out of your neighborhood and to school early and let her watch a show with headphones or something.

People have given you plenty of good suggestions! Plus, seems like she could just take the bus. I think you’d rather be the martyr.

It's pretty obnoxious to insist that a 5 year old should "just" take the bus when that's never happened before, obviously mom is uncomfortable with it, her father is also uncomfortable with it and is deployed. Just because her boss wants to have a meeting at a random time outside of work hours suddenly. It's not like the family doesn't have enough stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there cell reception at your DD's school? If so I would just get there early and have her get out of the car at the start of carline and then park until the meeting is over.

Have you called the school to see about before care options?

No beforecare.

Yes, I can sit in their parking lot. I'm just worried about how that looks, and don't want the police called on me (I have OCD, and fear of police/arrest is a big thing with me). But maybe I can let them know and they'd be ok with it once a week.

I think you need treatment for anxiety. This is not a normal fear, nor is your mindset of just quitting rather than be what you feel is a burden. This is not a normal amount of hand-wringing over a relatively benign issue.

I'm in therapy for the OCD (online because there's no time to do it, but...). I do not have anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can't talk it out with someone to explain that you simply are not available for a call at that hour, especially if you are willing to consider quitting. What do you have to lose?

But yeah, put the kid on the bus if you have bus service. She'll be fine.

I've been with them for almost 15 years. I've never asked for anything like this - that's why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can't talk it out with someone to explain that you simply are not available for a call at that hour, especially if you are willing to consider quitting. What do you have to lose?

But yeah, put the kid on the bus if you have bus service. She'll be fine.

I've been with them for almost 15 years. I've never asked for anything like this - that's why.

You are in a great position to ask for accommodation!

1. Your spouse is deployed for a finite period
2. You have 15 years of work history without asking for special treatment
3. It's for something that is not even during normal working hours and that was changed unilaterally

Just open your mouth and stand up for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can't talk it out with someone to explain that you simply are not available for a call at that hour, especially if you are willing to consider quitting. What do you have to lose?

But yeah, put the kid on the bus if you have bus service. She'll be fine.

I've been with them for almost 15 years. I've never asked for anything like this - that's why.

Then you should have extra leverage! You’ve been a great employee for that time, I bet. Take a deep breath and either send an email saying it is not going to work for you - or find a way to make it work. Quitting is going to cause so much more stress for your entire family than just tackling this. I almost can’t believe you see that as an option with a deployed husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can't talk it out with someone to explain that you simply are not available for a call at that hour, especially if you are willing to consider quitting. What do you have to lose?

But yeah, put the kid on the bus if you have bus service. She'll be fine.

I've been with them for almost 15 years. I've never asked for anything like this - that's why.

So in 15 years you’ve never had to ask for any kind of accommodation, this seems like the perfect time to speak up and ask for one. 7 AM is very early and usually people are doing childcare drop off or have other obligations that don’t let them take such an early call. I guarantee you that the second you speak up others will say me too .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can't talk it out with someone to explain that you simply are not available for a call at that hour, especially if you are willing to consider quitting. What do you have to lose?

But yeah, put the kid on the bus if you have bus service. She'll be fine.

I've been with them for almost 15 years. I've never asked for anything like this - that's why.

Precisely because you've been with them for 15 years and haven't asked for special accomodations is why you can and SHOULD ask for it now.

There are two extremely viable options here:
1. Drive DD to school, and sit a block away from school to take the call. No, no one is going to call the cops on you.
2. Tell your coworkers that you need the time moved back or - if the European coworkers are driving the change - move it up an hour.

As PPs have said, your stress over asking for an accommodation, being worried about someone calling the cops, and willingness to quit (!) instead of handling it are signs of some deeper issues.
Perhaps you really do want to quit, and you're just looking for an excuse. If your finances allow it, go for it.
Otherwise, please be sure to have this be the #1 issue you discuss with your therapist this week, because she needs to help you work through this. The anxiety over both options isn't good for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can't talk it out with someone to explain that you simply are not available for a call at that hour, especially if you are willing to consider quitting. What do you have to lose?

But yeah, put the kid on the bus if you have bus service. She'll be fine.

I've been with them for almost 15 years. I've never asked for anything like this - that's why.

Then you should have extra leverage! You’ve been a great employee for that time, I bet. Take a deep breath and either send an email saying it is not going to work for you - or find a way to make it work. Quitting is going to cause so much more stress for your entire family than just tackling this. I almost can’t believe you see that as an option with a deployed husband.

Financially, it won't be a problem. I think it would be less stress, because I wouldn't be juggling all these things. I could focus on DD and home things. I didn't before because I'd make a terrible SAHM, but if she's in school most of the day now, maybe I could handle it.

That sounds horrible. But I wonder if it's for the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there cell reception at your DD's school? If so I would just get there early and have her get out of the car at the start of carline and then park until the meeting is over.

Have you called the school to see about before care options?

No beforecare.

Yes, I can sit in their parking lot. I'm just worried about how that looks, and don't want the police called on me (I have OCD, and fear of police/arrest is a big thing with me). But maybe I can let them know and they'd be ok with it once a week.

I would speak to someone in the office and then take the call in the parking lot. Alternatively, put your child on the bus on meeting days. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this extra stress and not getting support from management. That said, I think many of us would not be so stressed out by this problem, and some cognitive behavioral techniques might help you work through the issue with less anxiety. I hope you find a solution that feels good!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can't talk it out with someone to explain that you simply are not available for a call at that hour, especially if you are willing to consider quitting. What do you have to lose?

But yeah, put the kid on the bus if you have bus service. She'll be fine.

I've been with them for almost 15 years. I've never asked for anything like this - that's why.

OP, anxiety can be paralyzing and this is your anxiety paralyzing you. As you’ve heard from every single person on this thread, it is completely reasonable to request accommodation for one meeting when your husband is deployed and the request is at 7am before businsss hours. Please consider how your anxiety and history may be impacting how you’re perceiving this. Quitting after 15 years would be a huge loss for a company, much greater than missing a meeting. It sounds like you are extremely considerate of others, part of mutual relationships is allowing others the chance to be considerate of you. I don’t think I’ll be able to convince you but I have to try, please consider letting others in a little more. Think of how you would want your child to feel later in life.

If you aren’t able to get past that mental block I understand, I would then consider the parking lot and if that’s causing you some worry maybe talk to the front desk and just let them know on Tuesday’s you’ll be in the parking lot taking a work call for 30 minutes after drop off, you wanted to let them know so no one would be concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the youngest in the group, so no one else has conflicts. It starts at 7 am now - about 20 people. My manager says, "Just make it work." I know I'm pretty stressed with the deployment and probably missing something obvious.

I don't think it's reasonable to tell someone to just make 7am work.

Yeah that's unreasonable. It's one thing if it was 10am and now it's 9am. 7am is not at all reasonable. OP, do you have anyone else at all who can help with drop-off? Who's your emergency contact?

I don't have one. DH and I have been trying our whole time here to make friends and it never happened, so...we just don't have one. Our parents are listed on the paperwork, but they're out of state. I spent a year trying to find a college student or nanny, but there weren't many options.

No advice, just sympathizing with you. I have been there.