standing meeting change that conflicts with drop-off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is really long but did OP just try saying to the person holding the meeting "I can't make 7 am because of kid drop-off and husband is deployed. Can we push to 8? If not, I can call in from a coffee shop or get notes from Carol."

What are they going to do, fire you? People aren't monsters. Usually?

Op hasn’t told her work that her dh is deployed.

Op, I suspect you had very difficult parents who instilled some really challenging thought patterns in you. If you want to quit your job, then do that, but as a manager, I assure you that your boss would rather accommodate your drop-off needs than lose you as an employee altogether. Also as a manager, if one of my team members is dealing with the deployment of a spouse, I’d want to know that so I could support them as they went through that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can take the call at home, just do it, then bring your child in late to school. No biggie, especially if she is 5. Let her watch tv and go into school a little late.

Kindergarten doesn't allow late starts.

What do you mean they don't allow it. If it's a public school, they can't turn you away eve if you are hours late (you will likely get some contact from the school, but once a week, especially if you let them know, will be fine). I am late once a week with my kindergartner and I have no excuse!

OP here. It's private school.

[Anonymous]

OP again.

The reason I've been able to hang on to this job as long as I have is I've been teleworking for 14 of those years - since I got married. I'm already getting special treatment. I'd just forgotten to mention because it's my normal. But not our company's normal. Now I need to ask for something else?

And it's not Asian clients. It's European coworkers who want to go home early.

Yes, fear of arrest/prison is common in OCD. It's part of scrupulosity? (Seeing a pattern?)

I'm really confused about taking her in late. Even in public school, can't they call child services if you're routinely late? Can't they send a student to alternative school for being disruptive? DH would flip out. And no, he's not abusive. But wouldn't you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

The reason I've been able to hang on to this job as long as I have is I've been teleworking for 14 of those years - since I got married. I'm already getting special treatment. I'd just forgotten to mention because it's my normal. But not our company's normal. Now I need to ask for something else?

And it's not Asian clients. It's European coworkers who want to go home early.

Yes, fear of arrest/prison is common in OCD. It's part of scrupulosity? (Seeing a pattern?)

I'm really confused about taking her in late. Even in public school, can't they call child services if you're routinely late? Can't they send a student to alternative school for being disruptive? DH would flip out. And no, he's not abusive. But wouldn't you?

Child services? Alternative school? OP, this is crazy talk.

If you want to solve this problem, people have given you more than enough ideas to solve it (including the most obvious one, which is to talk to your boss). But it's apparent that you don't want to solve the problem. If you want to quit, quit. But don't go around in circles about a minor problem to give yourself permission to quit. It's not indentured servitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

The reason I've been able to hang on to this job as long as I have is I've been teleworking for 14 of those years - since I got married. I'm already getting special treatment. I'd just forgotten to mention because it's my normal. But not our company's normal. Now I need to ask for something else?

And it's not Asian clients. It's European coworkers who want to go home early.

Yes, fear of arrest/prison is common in OCD. It's part of scrupulosity? (Seeing a pattern?)

I'm really confused about taking her in late. Even in public school, can't they call child services if you're routinely late? Can't they send a student to alternative school for being disruptive? DH would flip out. And no, he's not abusive. But wouldn't you?

Sure looks that way.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t you take the meeting in the car at the school? What’s the window for dropping off?

So if the meeting is at 7am, you drive to school and are in the parking lot by 7. You call in. Put the call on mute while your kid plays in the car until 7:15 when the school opens up.

I can’t remember if it was home or school that didn’t have cell service. If it was school, then ask someone at the school like an admin if you could drop your kid off 20 mins early and drive to someplace with cell service and sit in the car.

Or even ask the school if there is a phone or empty office you could use once a week for 30-45 mins.

Does your kid have friends in class? Approach one of their parents and ask if they could meet you at the school early so the kids could play together while you get to work.

How old is your kid? Big enough for an easily installed car seat like a booster? If yes, ask kid’s friend’s parents if you could drop off at their house and they can drive in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

The reason I've been able to hang on to this job as long as I have is I've been teleworking for 14 of those years - since I got married. I'm already getting special treatment. I'd just forgotten to mention because it's my normal. But not our company's normal. Now I need to ask for something else?

And it's not Asian clients. It's European coworkers who want to go home early.

Yes, fear of arrest/prison is common in OCD. It's part of scrupulosity? (Seeing a pattern?)

I'm really confused about taking her in late. Even in public school, can't they call child services if you're routinely late? Can't they send a student to alternative school for being disruptive? DH would flip out. And no, he's not abusive. But wouldn't you?

Child services? Alternative school? OP, this is crazy talk.

If you want to solve this problem, people have given you more than enough ideas to solve it (including the most obvious one, which is to talk to your boss). But it's apparent that you don't want to solve the problem. If you want to quit, quit. But don't go around in circles about a minor problem to give yourself permission to quit. It's not indentured servitude.

I don't want to quit. But we were given detention in school for being late, even if it wasn't our fault! Is it acceptable now? I honestly don't understand parenting.

[Anonymous]

OK. So it looks like I can't do this alone. Not without letting someone in on personal stuff, and that's just not acceptable. Sorry I asked.

[Anonymous]

It is kindergarten FFS. “Sally will be arriving 30 minutes late every Tuesday until the end of the school year. Please let me know if you have any questions.” Don’t even give them a reason. You are the parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK. So it looks like I can't do this alone. Not without letting someone in on personal stuff, and that's just not acceptable. Sorry I asked.

Honestly op, this is disordered thinking. A deployed spouse is not personal. It’s not something people hide from coworkers. You’ve been there a long time. It’s okay to ask if the meeting can be at 7:30 instead of 7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK. So it looks like I can't do this alone. Not without letting someone in on personal stuff, and that's just not acceptable. Sorry I asked.

OK, martyr. There are 7 pages and so many good ideas for you but you refuse to accept any of them. Either you are a super martyr or a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the youngest in the group, so no one else has conflicts. It starts at 7 am now - about 20 people. My manager says, "Just make it work." I know I'm pretty stressed with the deployment and probably missing something obvious.

I don't think it's reasonable to tell someone to just make 7am work.

Heartily agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

The reason I've been able to hang on to this job as long as I have is I've been teleworking for 14 of those years - since I got married. I'm already getting special treatment. I'd just forgotten to mention because it's my normal. But not our company's normal. Now I need to ask for something else?

And it's not Asian clients. It's European coworkers who want to go home early.

Yes, fear of arrest/prison is common in OCD. It's part of scrupulosity? (Seeing a pattern?)

I'm really confused about taking her in late. Even in public school, can't they call child services if you're routinely late? Can't they send a student to alternative school for being disruptive? DH would flip out. And no, he's not abusive. But wouldn't you?

Child services? Alternative school? OP, this is crazy talk.

If you want to solve this problem, people have given you more than enough ideas to solve it (including the most obvious one, which is to talk to your boss). But it's apparent that you don't want to solve the problem. If you want to quit, quit. But don't go around in circles about a minor problem to give yourself permission to quit. It's not indentured servitude.

I don't want to quit. But we were given detention in school for being late, even if it wasn't our fault! Is it acceptable now? I honestly don't understand parenting.

Op, it’s kindergarten. That’s different than high school. You’re in a bind with a deployed spouse. Most schools will understand and work with you, especially if you’re near a military base. It’s okay to ask people for accommodations. That’s what many people do in these circumstances.

[Anonymous]

What about checking care.com for a 1x/week drop off service?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK. So it looks like I can't do this alone. Not without letting someone in on personal stuff, and that's just not acceptable. Sorry I asked.

That’s exactly what everyone is saying. You’re either going to have to talk to your daughter’s school or to your employer about your circumstances. But since neither of these options are acceptable to you, it seems like quitting is what appeals to you. I would just suggest telling your husband beforehand.