standing meeting change that conflicts with drop-off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there cell reception at your DD's school? If so I would just get there early and have her get out of the car at the start of carline and then park until the meeting is over.

Have you called the school to see about before care options?

No beforecare.

Yes, I can sit in their parking lot. I'm just worried about how that looks, and don't want the police called on me (I have OCD, and fear of police/arrest is a big thing with me). But maybe I can let them know and they'd be ok with it once a week.

Because my job (and my life, really) is weird, I often sit in my car on streets and in random parking lots taking calls. I'll even park just outside a Starbucks to hop on their wifi for work. No one has ever called the cops on me and if they did, I'd just explain that I'm on a work call.

[Anonymous]

Some day when you have time, go and drive around the area near your child's school. Find a shopping center, a neighborhood with no parking restrictions, even the side of the road where there is a wide shoulder and little traffic that has cell service. Someplace within a couple of minutes drive. Most cell dead zones are not that large. Then you can drive your daughter to work, find your pull over spot and take the call.

If you can't find another solution, rather than quitting, ask your boss for FMLA leave for the next 8 weeks until the end of the school year. A spouse's active military duty is in fact one of the criteria for taking FMLA leave. You do have to inform your employer of your husband's active military duty, but it would qualify you for the leave. You only need the coverage until the school year ends. After school ends and your child enters whatever form or summer care you opt for, you will be able to return to your work, even working around the 7AM call, since very few summer programs will start at 7AM unless you are paying for before care. You will be able to take you call at home, then after the call, you can take your child to summer care.

[Anonymous]

Just decline the meeting invite and go about your day. You have been there 15 years. They can manage or find someone else to attend. I would decline this too and I am a military contractor. 7 am is not a reasonable time for a standing meting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can't talk it out with someone to explain that you simply are not available for a call at that hour, especially if you are willing to consider quitting. What do you have to lose?

But yeah, put the kid on the bus if you have bus service. She'll be fine.

I've been with them for almost 15 years. I've never asked for anything like this - that's why.

SO YOU HAVE BUILT UP THE GOOD WILL TO BE ABLE TO ASK FOR THESE KINDS OF THINGS OP!!!!

You need to realize your mindset about this is completely bonkers. I'm sorry to be harsh but this is really toxic thinking. You need to be a model for your daughter that when you need something, you speak up. Do you really want your daughter to grow up thinking that she always has to deal with everything on her own, with no help from others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can't talk it out with someone to explain that you simply are not available for a call at that hour, especially if you are willing to consider quitting. What do you have to lose?

But yeah, put the kid on the bus if you have bus service. She'll be fine.

I've been with them for almost 15 years. I've never asked for anything like this - that's why.

SO YOU HAVE BUILT UP THE GOOD WILL TO BE ABLE TO ASK FOR THESE KINDS OF THINGS OP!!!!

You need to realize your mindset about this is completely bonkers. I'm sorry to be harsh but this is really toxic thinking. You need to be a model for your daughter that when you need something, you speak up. Do you really want your daughter to grow up thinking that she always has to deal with everything on her own, with no help from others?

I've been begging for help (outside of work) since she was born. it's never materialized. Yes, you always need to be prepared to do everything yourself. People are unreliable.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm the poster who said I got a meeting moved by just asking. It sounds like that particular outcome may not happen here, but it didn't hurt me professionally to bring up the conflict with my personal responsibilities, and I had only been at my job about six months. I got a promotion and performance award a year in.

So...why not just talk to your manager about it, bringing up the suggestions here as a list of possibilities? Quitting is absolutely the nuclear option, unless you are searching for an excuse to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can't talk it out with someone to explain that you simply are not available for a call at that hour, especially if you are willing to consider quitting. What do you have to lose?

But yeah, put the kid on the bus if you have bus service. She'll be fine.

I've been with them for almost 15 years. I've never asked for anything like this - that's why.

SO YOU HAVE BUILT UP THE GOOD WILL TO BE ABLE TO ASK FOR THESE KINDS OF THINGS OP!!!!

You need to realize your mindset about this is completely bonkers. I'm sorry to be harsh but this is really toxic thinking. You need to be a model for your daughter that when you need something, you speak up. Do you really want your daughter to grow up thinking that she always has to deal with everything on her own, with no help from others?

I've been begging for help (outside of work) since she was born. it's never materialized. Yes, you always need to be prepared to do everything yourself. People are unreliable.

OP, reread what you wrote here. Now ask yourself why you haven't been able to find any sense of community after all this time. The answer is in front of you.

[Anonymous]

If you can take the call at home, just do it, then bring your child in late to school. No biggie, especially if she is 5. Let her watch tv and go into school a little late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the youngest in the group, so no one else has conflicts. It starts at 7 am now - about 20 people. My manager says, "Just make it work." I know I'm pretty stressed with the deployment and probably missing something obvious.

I don't think it's reasonable to tell someone to just make 7am work.

This, 7 AM is absurd for a starting time. I would say no and find a new job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can't talk it out with someone to explain that you simply are not available for a call at that hour, especially if you are willing to consider quitting. What do you have to lose?

But yeah, put the kid on the bus if you have bus service. She'll be fine.

I've been with them for almost 15 years. I've never asked for anything like this - that's why.

SO YOU HAVE BUILT UP THE GOOD WILL TO BE ABLE TO ASK FOR THESE KINDS OF THINGS OP!!!!

You need to realize your mindset about this is completely bonkers. I'm sorry to be harsh but this is really toxic thinking. You need to be a model for your daughter that when you need something, you speak up. Do you really want your daughter to grow up thinking that she always has to deal with everything on her own, with no help from others?

I've been begging for help (outside of work) since she was born. it's never materialized. Yes, you always need to be prepared to do everything yourself. People are unreliable.

OP, reread what you wrote here. Now ask yourself why you haven't been able to find any sense of community after all this time. The answer is in front of you.

That I don't trust people, because when I was practically suicidal from PPD, no one even bothered calling, except my mother who told me my child deserved better? Yeah, ok. It's my fault. It's my fault his commander's wife said a meal train wasn't going to happen during the summer because everyone was on vacation and she hoped I understood? Give me a break. That was two duty stations ago. I haven't bothered meeting anyone since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can take the call at home, just do it, then bring your child in late to school. No biggie, especially if she is 5. Let her watch tv and go into school a little late.

Kindergarten doesn't allow late starts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can take the call at home, just do it, then bring your child in late to school. No biggie, especially if she is 5. Let her watch tv and go into school a little late.

Kindergarten doesn't allow late starts.

Go to the principal and say “I have a problem. My husband is deployed, I have a 7am call I have to be on, and I have no community here to help me. I need your help. I can drop my daughter off late, take the call from your parking lot, or maybe you can connect me to a family I can pay to take my daughter to school on Tuesdays. What do you think?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can't talk it out with someone to explain that you simply are not available for a call at that hour, especially if you are willing to consider quitting. What do you have to lose?

But yeah, put the kid on the bus if you have bus service. She'll be fine.

I've been with them for almost 15 years. I've never asked for anything like this - that's why.

Then you should have extra leverage! You’ve been a great employee for that time, I bet. Take a deep breath and either send an email saying it is not going to work for you - or find a way to make it work. Quitting is going to cause so much more stress for your entire family than just tackling this. I almost can’t believe you see that as an option with a deployed husband.

Financially, it won't be a problem. I think it would be less stress, because I wouldn't be juggling all these things. I could focus on DD and home things. I didn't before because I'd make a terrible SAHM, but if she's in school most of the day now, maybe I could handle it.

That sounds horrible. But I wonder if it's for the best.

Honestly, OP, it sounds like you are stressed out and looking for an excuse to quit your job. That may be a fine thing to do - but be honest with yourself and with your boss that you're quitting because of the stress of juggling a full time job with a deployed spouse and young child (which is totally understandable!!), not because one meeting was changed time.

If you actually want to make this work, you can definitely take the call from your car. Drive in early and park near the start of the pickup line. Start the call - make sure you are using a hands free device. When the school opens, let DC out, watch her walk into school, then park on a nearby street to take the rest of the call.

[Anonymous]

If you explain the situation to the principal, I bet a teacher or aide will come early and let your child wait in their room until school starts. Especially if you pay them.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth are you afraid of getting arrested?