standing meeting change that conflicts with drop-off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you move kid drop off and do the phone call at home?

Drop-off is a 15 minute window during the call. If I had cell phone reception all the way home, I could do it, but the reception drops 10 minutes out, so there's a gap in connectivity. With all companies, unfortunately.

How old are your kids? Is there a school bus option?

She's only 5. DH isn't cool with the bus yet (and I agree).

Ok, my sympathy is fully at an ebb now.

You have shot down every suggestion made and are now self-inflicting this pain. Your kid can ride the bus ONE day a week if absolutely won't speak up and say that 0700 is a conflict. She will be fine, I promise.

It's a ridiculous ask, unless this is some project sprint or something. And there are 20 people? There's no way this is crucial.

Frankly, your manager is probably going to feel like a huge jerk when she realizes that she told you to "make it work" with a deployed spouse and 5 year old.

As a manager, I would be APPALLED if this were the situation and I didn't know about it and someone quit because of one meeting! I work in a super demanding job where we will often be on 7am calls with London and 10pm calls with Tokyo. There is always a workaround. There have been many great suggestions, but this ultimately comes down to OP voicing her concerns. Any reasonable person would try to find something that worked better for the team and took into account people's personal lives to the extent that was possible. OP is overcomplicating this; this is the OCD talking, OP.
I've let people out of meetings for like, alumni events they had previously scheduled. I've also had to deal with employees who have had to toss me the ball and leave for weeks at a time because of important things like suicide attempts in the family. It's a manager's job to manage. Period, end of story. They're crap to begin with if team success is dictated by an hr long meeting and the attendance of one person, time of meeting inflexible. Tell them the situation and let them work it out and come up with the plan. By not voicing your concerns it's not even on their radar.

Of course it's not a critical meeting. Manager still told me I'm expected to be there.

PP, I doubt you've let someone our of a meeting for 8 months straight. An alumni event is not regular.

And my job is make my manger's life easier. I can no longer do that.

DH and I had a long talk last night. Financially, we're fine (he's not exactly junior enlisted and I make 60% of what he does). There will be no change in lifestyle due to finances if I quit. He doesn't want me to because he thinks I'll hate not working, but I'm starting to understand it'll make logistics so much easier. I mean, what happens when DD starts sports and activities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you came here to find some magical incantation so you can both drop off and attend the meeting at the same time. You need to get into therapy to figure out why you don’t want to reach out to people for help.
?

I don't need therapy to answer that. I ask for help, people say no. Even on DCUM, SAHM RAIL against working moms for daring to ask for a ride to school every so often. Why on earth would I subject myself to that face to face? Honest question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know you are struggling. I wish you the best.

Also, I'm going to say this bluntly, but hopefully gently as possible: handling things this way makes you a poorly functioning employee and a bad fit for this company at this time. To be clear, it's not the situation you are in (deployment, etc.) that makes you a poor employee, and it's not the idea of making that situation clear, as a regular adult would. It's the way you are choosing to handle it.

And yes, I know you have had a hard time and feel you have been treated poorly. Honestly, that doesn't matter to being good in your position -- it's your choices that are relevant to the fit, not the reasons for them.

But this is something you can change, if you find a way to tackle this in a way that hos the possibility of working out for everyone. Your therapist hopefully can help.

Good luck.

Yes. I know I'm a bad fit. So why would I continue working on at a company where I can't meet the requirements? They can replace me with someone who has no home life and no schedule conflicts.

OP, I wish you were able to see all that you do well, and get some help on your self-esteem. You are clearly a valued employee, if you have been there for 14 years and allowed to telework. EVERYONE has schedule conflicts. EVERYONE. And honestly, as a manager, I would be more than willing to work with you if I knew your husband was deployed and serving our country. BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP, I wish you were able to see all that you do well, and get some help on your self-esteem. You are clearly a valued employee, if you have been there for 14 years and allowed to telework. EVERYONE has schedule conflicts. EVERYONE. And honestly, as a manager, I would be more than willing to work with you if I knew your husband was deployed and serving our country. BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT.

That's not every manager. Lots these days are understandably anti-military.

[Anonymous]

And OP, there are parents at my kids' school who have deployed spouses. And we all pitch in to help out with activities and carpools for them, as well as for everyone else who has conflicts - multiple kids/multiple activities. It all comes down to basic human decency. DCUM does NOT represent real life people. Trust me, we are out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, I wish you were able to see all that you do well, and get some help on your self-esteem. You are clearly a valued employee, if you have been there for 14 years and allowed to telework. EVERYONE has schedule conflicts. EVERYONE. And honestly, as a manager, I would be more than willing to work with you if I knew your husband was deployed and serving our country. BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT.

That's not every manager. Lots these days are understandably anti-military.

Do you know that your company is anti-military? I do not believe that is the case. I believe that the company may be anti-military POLICIES, but not actively discriminate against the people in the military. There's a big difference.

[Anonymous]

Has no one else figured out OP is mentally ill?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, didn’t you post a few months ago before you all moved to this remote location with some similar work/life issue? I remember pages of suggestions and a million excuses why none of them would work.

Here we go: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/742016.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


But you are making it her problem by not being available for this meeting and not being able to provide a solution for your attendance. I understand wanting to keep your personal life private, but your choices are to try to appeal to her with the general details of your situation and ask to be excused, try to get the time of the meeting moved again, or simply accept that this might factor into your performance. It is unreasonable and we can all think it’s unreasonable, but most jobs are at-will so it is what it is.

Well, my plan is to quit if I can't figure out something else. I don't want to, but I can't allow personal issues to affect my coworkers.

Can you take the call THEN do dropoff on those days? Or ask the daycare if there's another parent who they know of who might be able to bring your kid in that day? Quitting your job seems extreme!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know you are struggling. I wish you the best.

Also, I'm going to say this bluntly, but hopefully gently as possible: handling things this way makes you a poorly functioning employee and a bad fit for this company at this time. To be clear, it's not the situation you are in (deployment, etc.) that makes you a poor employee, and it's not the idea of making that situation clear, as a regular adult would. It's the way you are choosing to handle it.

And yes, I know you have had a hard time and feel you have been treated poorly. Honestly, that doesn't matter to being good in your position -- it's your choices that are relevant to the fit, not the reasons for them.

But this is something you can change, if you find a way to tackle this in a way that hos the possibility of working out for everyone. Your therapist hopefully can help.

Good luck.

Yes. I know I'm a bad fit. So why would I continue working on at a company where I can't meet the requirements? They can replace me with someone who has no home life and no schedule conflicts.

If you don't need the job, and you are at your wit's end with your work and social situation, then quit! That sounds like it solves all the problems.

[Anonymous]

After skimming the linked thread from the same OP last August, I see two possibilities.

1) OP is dabbling in fiction writing or role playing for entertainment.

2) OP has not received adequate mental health care and therapy in the 8 months since the move. If it's this, I hope she can pursue new care options immediately. Even if she surmounts this latest challenge, the same issues and fears are probably going to resurface at the next one.

[Anonymous]

Oh, you really just want an excuse for quitting your job.

"Hey DCUM, I have this problem and my only solution is to quit my job. Can you help me?"

"Solution 1"
"Nope wont work because (stupid reason)"

"Solution 2"
"Nope wont work because (another stupid reason)"

"Solution 3"
"I can't believe you guys can't figure out how to solve this. I can't do this because of (really really stupid reason)"

"I guess the only thing I can do is quit my job"

If you had cell service from the school to home, according to you, this wouldn't be an issue. So because of a 10 minute gap of cell coverage, you are quitting.your.job.

Yeah, this "problem" is just an excuse to quit your job. Which is fine. You can quit any time you want. But you just wasted 9 pages to do what you really wanted to do in the first place.

[Anonymous]

OCD is an anxiety disorder. You have anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, you really just want an excuse for quitting your job.

"Hey DCUM, I have this problem and my only solution is to quit my job. Can you help me?"

"Solution 1"
"Nope wont work because (stupid reason)"

"Solution 2"
"Nope wont work because (another stupid reason)"

"Solution 3"
"I can't believe you guys can't figure out how to solve this. I can't do this because of (really really stupid reason)"

"I guess the only thing I can do is quit my job"

If you had cell service from the school to home, according to you, this wouldn't be an issue. So because of a 10 minute gap of cell coverage, you are quitting.your.job.

Yeah, this "problem" is just an excuse to quit your job. Which is fine. You can quit any time you want. But you just wasted 9 pages to do what you really wanted to do in the first place.

+1. OP also clearly has an anxiety disorder, and wants to quit instead of addressing the anxiety disorder head-on.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have permission from your DH to quit. If that is what you want, do it..

However, as a fellow agoraphobia sufferer, it only gets worse when you indulge it.