Bisexual daughter and sleepovers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, she can’t get pregnant with another girl, so what’s the big deal?

The big deal to me is that it is morally wrong and thus I would not condone it in my home

But you are NOT OP. there is a different layer to your opinion on this that is not practical or helpful to op. Your posting here is driven solely by your wish to pet others know you think this is wrong. We get it. Buh bye

OP here. I share this poster's sentiment and said in a prior post, that I do not want my daughter engaged in sexual behavior in my house period. Whether there is a risk of pregnancy or not. Those of you who are basically saying "just go ahead and let her have sex, who cares?" are not providing helpful responses.

I read PP to mean she had moral objections to your daughter's very existence as a bit person. Not just the sex part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, she can’t get pregnant with another girl, so what’s the big deal?

The big deal to me is that it is morally wrong and thus I would not condone it in my home

But you are NOT OP. there is a different layer to your opinion on this that is not practical or helpful to op. Your posting here is driven solely by your wish to pet others know you think this is wrong. We get it. Buh bye

PP was answering the question that was posed about what's the big deal. Completely relevant to the discussion.

[Anonymous]

"Smith House Rules"

When I was in high school, my best friend and sometime boyfriend had "Smith House Rules" in his house (his mom went to Smith). Three out of four feet have to be on the floor, door open 12". Horny teens can still get into plenty of trouble following those rules, but it does make them aware of the possibility of getting caught by parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is the purpose of sleepovers, anyways?

Do kids without sleepovers suffer any developmental damage?

So .. my daughter does not to sleepovers and she has plenty of friends and is fine

[Anonymous]

No romantic partners are allowed in bedrooms or to spend the night, male or female. If your daughter is dishonest and breaks that rule then that's the end of sleepovers because she broke your trust, not because she came out to you as bi.

[Anonymous]

Gross gag vomit. You’re not a cool mom, you’re not parenting at all!

No. Just no. Oh my gosh NO. Quit being a friend.

So many of these bi people are growing up a little bit and returning to hetero. Just NO. Parent these people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, she can’t get pregnant with another girl, so what’s the big deal?

The big deal to me is that it is morally wrong and thus I would not condone it in my home

But you are NOT OP. there is a different layer to your opinion on this that is not practical or helpful to op. Your posting here is driven solely by your wish to pet others know you think this is wrong. We get it. Buh bye

OP here. I share this poster's sentiment and said in a prior post, that I do not want my daughter engaged in sexual behavior in my house period. Whether there is a risk of pregnancy or not. Those of you who are basically saying "just go ahead and let her have sex, who cares?" are not providing helpful responses.

I read PP to mean she had moral objections to your daughter's very existence as a bit person. Not just the sex part.

NP. No teen this age is truly a "bi person," except to attract attention or get a little crazy. So yes, moral objection stands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, she can’t get pregnant with another girl, so what’s the big deal?

The big deal to me is that it is morally wrong and thus I would not condone it in my home

But you are NOT OP. there is a different layer to your opinion on this that is not practical or helpful to op. Your posting here is driven solely by your wish to pet others know you think this is wrong. We get it. Buh bye

OP here. I share this poster's sentiment and said in a prior post, that I do not want my daughter engaged in sexual behavior in my house period. Whether there is a risk of pregnancy or not. Those of you who are basically saying "just go ahead and let her have sex, who cares?" are not providing helpful responses.

I read PP to mean she had moral objections to your daughter's very existence as a bit person. Not just the sex part.

NP. No teen this age is truly a "bi person," except to attract attention or get a little crazy. So yes, moral objection stands.

Of course not. No one is really gay until the indisputably mature age 30 when they have proven they are worthy of their gay superpowers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you have an upfront conversation with your daughter?

Just say what you said here: we love you and support you, and to be honest we are struggling with how to handle sleepovers. We trust you, but we don't feel comfortable having someone stay at the house if there will be sexual activity. Can you help us navigate this?

Involve her in figuring out boundaries. If you trust her, then let her know you trust her. If you don't, then that's another story.

Sure, this sounds great, and there's never anything wrong with engaging your teens in a mature conversation. But to set this up as a "I trust you/I don't trust you" is going about it the wrong way. I do trust my teenagers to be as honest with me as they can AT THE TIME. What I'm less sure about is their judgment in the heat of the moment. Sexual feelings at this age are incredibly powerful. My teens can be perfectly level-headed and tell me that they know what their boundaries are. They will be telling me the truth. But I also know that they have developing brains and can make impulsive decisions in the moment. They may not be able to anticipate all the factors that will impact their decision-making.

That's why it's my job as a parent to set boundaries and guardrails for them. Yes, we can and absolutely should talk together. But at the end of the day, if I do put up some boundaries because I think my kid may struggle in a situation, it's not because I don't trust them and think they will willfully lie. It's that I know they might not have the maturity to handle a situation.

This PP is the smartest one on this thread.

It isn't about trust at all. YOU have been a teen...they have not. You KNOW (or you *should* know) that teens brains are still developing...that the judgment center isn't fully developed until 25...and that impulsive decisions based on what feels good at the moment basically defines what it means to be an adolescent. They can very sincerely intend to stick to the boundaries you (and they) set. And definitely talking about it in advance helps them to pre-process what that might look like and may assist them in figuring out what to do and where to draw the line in the moment...but you need to help your child navigate the temptations that they don't even know exist. This is where your expertise as a btdt former teen lies. This is exactly why teens still need parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny, I remember some of the craziest pre-adult exploring encounters happening at sleepovers. My mom was in the middle of a divorce, so I slept over friends houses... A Lot.

Needless to say, sexual identity aside, we explored and watched soft porn and snuck shots of some weird peppermint schnapps from the bar and played truth or dare and did all sorts of selacious things I'd never repeat...

..and this was between the ages of 12-15.

No sleepovers after age 10 for my kids.

+1 lots of “exploring” between straight tweens... not sure bisexuality has anything to do with it

[Anonymous]

I hate sleepovers and discourage them, but to be perfectly clear, sexual orientation would have no bearing on my reasoning. It's just that kids never sleep as well during sleepovers and then they're cranky and make everyone else cranky too!

I would allow any type of sleepover if I know the guests very well indeed and trust them. Door wouldn't be closed anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because she's bisexual it doesn't mean she's attracted to every single girl.

OP here I certainly realize this, but the problem is that I have no way of knowing whether or not she would have an attraction to the girl sleeping over.

Ask her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 15 year old daughter recently told us she is bisexual which my husband and I are completely comfortable with. However, we disagree with how to handle sleepovers. Personally I am very uncomfortable with the notion of her having female friends spend the night where it’s quite possible something sexual will happen. The way I see it, there’s no way in hell I would let her have a male friend spend the night, so why should I allow it with girls? My husband disagrees and thinks it would be cruel to limit her from having sleepovers with her female friends. He does absolutely agree that boys are completely out of the question for sleepovers.

When I was a teenager (I'm 30), my sister was a super manipulative, psychotic person (still is, but that's not the point). She told our parents that she was lesbian and only interested in women. They were hippies and trying to be progressive and chill, so they switched it so she was only allowed to have guys spend the night but no girls. She was super not gay, but then managed to get away with having boys ever all night the rest of high school.

[Anonymous]

This thread has convinced me that some parents are insane

Enjoy the mental image of your 15 year old daughter getting plowed in your own house.....

[Anonymous]

She won’t get pregnant.