The reason I can't go with DE

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very young to me - like she is in her twenties or something like that.
How old are you OP?

37, with DOR and autoimmune issues. Apparently, too difficult of a case for local REs (did not fit neatly into one of categories that they get results with). They nevertheless took my money for several IVF rounds and then gave me DE pep talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very young to me - like she is in her twenties or something like that.
How old are you OP?

37, with DOR and autoimmune issues. Apparently, too difficult of a case for local REs (did not fit neatly into one of categories that they get results with). They nevertheless took my money for several IVF rounds and then gave me DE pep talk.

Maybe you were made infertile for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post does feel a little like someone’s trying to convince others. Donor eggs are pretty much my last stop on this train and none of your arguments make a dent in how I feel at all. If you truly feel this way then, donor eggs aren’t for you and that’s ok.

I had that same thought! There is a regular poster who weighs in against DE every time it comes up. I think they just came up with a new way to harass and discourage women who are thinking about DE.

This. If you want to do DE, that's your choice. If you don't want to do DE, that's your choice as well. Rather adopt than do IVF? Fine, take that route. Don't want to raise a child that isn't genetically your own and would rather live childfree? Go right ahead. See, what may be wrong for you may be exactly right for someone else. You do you, OP, but the start of this thread, along with several of your other replies, reads like a thinly veiled attack on people who choose DE.

For what it is worth, I have no stake in this...my DD was conceived via IVF without any donor.

These days in America, any opinion that is not yours is viewed as an attack. God forbid to discuss something with people who feel differently than you.

You're not exactly discussing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very young to me - like she is in her twenties or something like that.
How old are you OP?

37, with DOR and autoimmune issues. Apparently, too difficult of a case for local REs (did not fit neatly into one of categories that they get results with). They nevertheless took my money for several IVF rounds and then gave me DE pep talk.

Maybe you were made infertile for a reason.

NP. I don't agree with OP but this is uncalled for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very young to me - like she is in her twenties or something like that.
How old are you OP?

37, with DOR and autoimmune issues. Apparently, too difficult of a case for local REs (did not fit neatly into one of categories that they get results with). They nevertheless took my money for several IVF rounds and then gave me DE pep talk.

Yes infertility is a money suck. With DOR they usually recommend DE pretty soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very young to me - like she is in her twenties or something like that.
How old are you OP?

37, with DOR and autoimmune issues. Apparently, too difficult of a case for local REs (did not fit neatly into one of categories that they get results with). They nevertheless took my money for several IVF rounds and then gave me DE pep talk.

You have a couple of conditions that make it very difficult for you to get pregnant. I'm sorry about that. It isn't fair.

If you wish to become a parent, you can keep doing IVF, or you can go up to Cornell in NYC. These options are expensive though, and the odds may still not be good.

Many women in your position still want to be parents. Their best shot is donor eggs or adoption. Many women prefer DE to adoption, because they can have a baby without worrying about prenatal drug/alcohol exposure, or someone taking the baby back.

Yes, your doctors are going to recommend the procedures with the best odds. Most of their patients just want to be parents, but are not rich, so they are going with the procedures that give most of their patients what they want. You want something different. Thats fine, but you will have to accept lower odds of becoming a parent, and that the market is set up to meet the needs of people with the most common set of preferences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very young to me - like she is in her twenties or something like that.
How old are you OP?

37, with DOR and autoimmune issues. Apparently, too difficult of a case for local REs (did not fit neatly into one of categories that they get results with). They nevertheless took my money for several IVF rounds and then gave me DE pep talk.

Your lengthy reply in 17:41 stated that you were "relatively new to the IVF game". I wouldn't equate that with someone who has gone through several rounds of IVF. Or was that not your reply, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very young to me - like she is in her twenties or something like that.
How old are you OP?

37, with DOR and autoimmune issues. Apparently, too difficult of a case for local REs (did not fit neatly into one of categories that they get results with). They nevertheless took my money for several IVF rounds and then gave me DE pep talk.

Your lengthy reply in 17:41 stated that you were "relatively new to the IVF game". I wouldn't equate that with someone who has gone through several rounds of IVF. Or was that not your reply, OP?

OP here - Yes, several rounds is 2 rounds. From what I understand that is far less than what some women go through with multiple cycles over multiple years. So, I consider myself relatively new. But I don't know what is generally considered new vs veteran.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very young to me - like she is in her twenties or something like that.
How old are you OP?

37, with DOR and autoimmune issues. Apparently, too difficult of a case for local REs (did not fit neatly into one of categories that they get results with). They nevertheless took my money for several IVF rounds and then gave me DE pep talk.

Or maybe the doctors are just presenting you with what they view as your best option to carry a pregnancy at this point?

This isn't personal, OP. I'm so sorry that you're struggling to conceive and that your options appear to be limited at this point. That is a really hard situation. But don't blame the system for offering women their options. To some women, carrying a pregnancy is more important than where the egg's genes come from. Others would rather continue doing OE IVF. Still others will turn to adoption. There are a wide range of choices out there and you, as the consumer, have to choose the one that is best for you and your family.

You've started this thread with the apparent attempt to educate a forum that is generally made up of highly-educated women who are in their 30s and 40s. All of these women have access to the same resources you do. You apparently find it shocking that some of these women made a different choice from you. Real talk, though -- you are not doing anyone any favors by coming here and suggesting that they are just brood mares for their husband's offspring. And it's incredibly insulting to tell those women that the children they carried are not really their own.

BTW, I have no real dog in this fight. I conceived with OE. But during my pregnancy, I remember thinking that it would not have mattered one bit if I was carrying a DE baby -- that baby was MY baby. It's not up to you, internet stranger, to convince women otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very young to me - like she is in her twenties or something like that.
How old are you OP?

37, with DOR and autoimmune issues. Apparently, too difficult of a case for local REs (did not fit neatly into one of categories that they get results with). They nevertheless took my money for several IVF rounds and then gave me DE pep talk.

Or maybe the doctors are just presenting you with what they view as your best option to carry a pregnancy at this point?

This isn't personal, OP. I'm so sorry that you're struggling to conceive and that your options appear to be limited at this point. That is a really hard situation. But don't blame the system for offering women their options. To some women, carrying a pregnancy is more important than where the egg's genes come from. Others would rather continue doing OE IVF. Still others will turn to adoption. There are a wide range of choices out there and you, as the consumer, have to choose the one that is best for you and your family.

You've started this thread with the apparent attempt to educate a forum that is generally made up of highly-educated women who are in their 30s and 40s. All of these women have access to the same resources you do. You apparently find it shocking that some of these women made a different choice from you. Real talk, though -- you are not doing anyone any favors by coming here and suggesting that they are just brood mares for their husband's offspring. And it's incredibly insulting to tell those women that the children they carried are not really their own.

BTW, I have no real dog in this fight. I conceived with OE. But during my pregnancy, I remember thinking that it would not have mattered one bit if I was carrying a DE baby -- that baby was MY baby. It's not up to you, internet stranger, to convince women otherwise.

You must be very unnerved thats someone dares to bring up issues that are on minds of many women. Get off your high (educated) horse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very young to me - like she is in her twenties or something like that.
How old are you OP?

37, with DOR and autoimmune issues. Apparently, too difficult of a case for local REs (did not fit neatly into one of categories that they get results with). They nevertheless took my money for several IVF rounds and then gave me DE pep talk.

Or maybe the doctors are just presenting you with what they view as your best option to carry a pregnancy at this point?

This isn't personal, OP. I'm so sorry that you're struggling to conceive and that your options appear to be limited at this point. That is a really hard situation. But don't blame the system for offering women their options. To some women, carrying a pregnancy is more important than where the egg's genes come from. Others would rather continue doing OE IVF. Still others will turn to adoption. There are a wide range of choices out there and you, as the consumer, have to choose the one that is best for you and your family.

You've started this thread with the apparent attempt to educate a forum that is generally made up of highly-educated women who are in their 30s and 40s. All of these women have access to the same resources you do. You apparently find it shocking that some of these women made a different choice from you. Real talk, though -- you are not doing anyone any favors by coming here and suggesting that they are just brood mares for their husband's offspring. And it's incredibly insulting to tell those women that the children they carried are not really their own.

BTW, I have no real dog in this fight. I conceived with OE. But during my pregnancy, I remember thinking that it would not have mattered one bit if I was carrying a DE baby -- that baby was MY baby. It's not up to you, internet stranger, to convince women otherwise.

You must be very unnerved thats someone dares to bring up issues that are on minds of many women. Get off your high (educated) horse.

The only one who sounds unnerved here is you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very young to me - like she is in her twenties or something like that.
How old are you OP?

37, with DOR and autoimmune issues. Apparently, too difficult of a case for local REs (did not fit neatly into one of categories that they get results with). They nevertheless took my money for several IVF rounds and then gave me DE pep talk.

Or maybe the doctors are just presenting you with what they view as your best option to carry a pregnancy at this point?

This isn't personal, OP. I'm so sorry that you're struggling to conceive and that your options appear to be limited at this point. That is a really hard situation. But don't blame the system for offering women their options. To some women, carrying a pregnancy is more important than where the egg's genes come from. Others would rather continue doing OE IVF. Still others will turn to adoption. There are a wide range of choices out there and you, as the consumer, have to choose the one that is best for you and your family.

You've started this thread with the apparent attempt to educate a forum that is generally made up of highly-educated women who are in their 30s and 40s. All of these women have access to the same resources you do. You apparently find it shocking that some of these women made a different choice from you. Real talk, though -- you are not doing anyone any favors by coming here and suggesting that they are just brood mares for their husband's offspring. And it's incredibly insulting to tell those women that the children they carried are not really their own.

BTW, I have no real dog in this fight. I conceived with OE. But during my pregnancy, I remember thinking that it would not have mattered one bit if I was carrying a DE baby -- that baby was MY baby. It's not up to you, internet stranger, to convince women otherwise.

Not true. If that were true they would be adopting. But since husband's genes matter so much it is what fuels DE industry, in addition to epigenetics.

I never suggested that for anyone else except for myself. The rest of the thread I wrote about various ethical implications of DE the way I see it.

But you just want to attack. Newsflash: when trying to smear someone usually a person that tries to smear someone ends up being hated.

I think you have a dog in in a fight. I think you did DE. And now you are incredibly afraid that someone might bring up issues that you don't like to hear about.

[Anonymous]

OP, let it go.

Make the choices that are right for you and respect the rights of others to make the choices that are right for them.

No one who is on this forum because of their personal experiences in trying to build a family is uneducated or inexperienced. We all have our individual paths here, and our individual decisions to make.

I totally respect whatever is right for you and I ask that you extend that respect and consideration to others.

[Anonymous]

OP I well remember the day my RE said anonymous DE. We had tried with sister but she had health issues. So ... anonymous.
This was long ago as my kids are 24.
For us, adoption was not an option for a number of reasons. So it was this or nothing. The thought of DE shattered my world and I was so very disappointed. But LOR is hard if not impossible to overcome.
Back then DE was new. Once we agreed they treated the donor like a goddess and us like beggars with nothing to offer but money. It wasn’t the most pleasant experience. The donor must have been ok with it because she donated multiple times.
The children were born, we were delighted and spent the next years raising them. They look a lot like my DH and not much like me. I never felt like a surrogate mom. I kept the whole thing private: our family’s business not the worlds. We’re comfortable with that.
There are times when I wish they were ... this or that positive thing about my genetics (but none of the negative!)
They are great kids. The absolute best I could have asked for and exactly as I imagined. It’s not a decision I regret.
Best of luck with your further decisions.

[Anonymous]

^^Pp here: OP I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s very hard and the choices are stark and limited. I hope you find a way that works for you.