The reason I can't go with DE

[Anonymous]

I understand that using DE isn't for everyone. It is a little weird to think that half of your child's genetics are potentially a stranger's. But I think for most women using DEs, there really isn't another option other than doing a ton of IVF cycles and hoping they can get that one good egg. You could say "just adopt", but so many women want the pregnancy experience. So why not have your baby be half your spouse rather than doing embryo adoption? After all, wouldn't be nice if you could potentially see a little bit of the one you love in your children?

[Anonymous]

The difference, practically speaking, between DE and surrogacy is that a surrogate does not raise the child. They gestate and then the child is raised by someone else. That is not what happens with DE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand that using DE isn't for everyone. It is a little weird to think that half of your child's genetics are potentially a stranger's. But I think for most women using DEs, there really isn't another option other than doing a ton of IVF cycles and hoping they can get that one good egg. You could say "just adopt", but so many women want the pregnancy experience. So why not have your baby be half your spouse rather than doing embryo adoption? After all, wouldn't be nice if you could potentially see a little bit of the one you love in your children?

But they claim that parenting is so much more than genetics. So, if genetics don't matter why even have husband's genetic in the mix? Or, could it be hypocrisy? It matters when it's 1/2 husband's but it doesn't matter than it's half someone's else. Let's just erase or minimize that person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The difference, practically speaking, between DE and surrogacy is that a surrogate does not raise the child. They gestate and then the child is raised by someone else. That is not what happens with DE.

But DE is ALL about epigenetoc marketing. When you go on any DE website the first thing that pops up is: do you know you can influence your baby's genes? (through epigentics). As if that statement does not equally apply to a surrogate, a biological mother, or anyone else who carries a baby. I find denying epigenetic role of a surrogate deeply hypocritical and self-serving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post does feel a little like someone’s trying to convince others. Donor eggs are pretty much my last stop on this train and none of your arguments make a dent in how I feel at all. If you truly feel this way then, donor eggs aren’t for you and that’s ok.

I had that same thought! There is a regular poster who weighs in against DE every time it comes up. I think they just came up with a new way to harass and discourage women who are thinking about DE.

This. If you want to do DE, that's your choice. If you don't want to do DE, that's your choice as well. Rather adopt than do IVF? Fine, take that route. Don't want to raise a child that isn't genetically your own and would rather live childfree? Go right ahead. See, what may be wrong for you may be exactly right for someone else. You do you, OP, but the start of this thread, along with several of your other replies, reads like a thinly veiled attack on people who choose DE.

For what it is worth, I have no stake in this...my DD was conceived via IVF without any donor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post does feel a little like someone’s trying to convince others. Donor eggs are pretty much my last stop on this train and none of your arguments make a dent in how I feel at all. If you truly feel this way then, donor eggs aren’t for you and that’s ok.

I had that same thought! There is a regular poster who weighs in against DE every time it comes up. I think they just came up with a new way to harass and discourage women who are thinking about DE.

This. If you want to do DE, that's your choice. If you don't want to do DE, that's your choice as well. Rather adopt than do IVF? Fine, take that route. Don't want to raise a child that isn't genetically your own and would rather live childfree? Go right ahead. See, what may be wrong for you may be exactly right for someone else. You do you, OP, but the start of this thread, along with several of your other replies, reads like a thinly veiled attack on people who choose DE.

For what it is worth, I have no stake in this...my DD was conceived via IVF without any donor.

These days in America, any opinion that is not yours is viewed as an attack. God forbid to discuss something with people who feel differently than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post does feel a little like someone’s trying to convince others. Donor eggs are pretty much my last stop on this train and none of your arguments make a dent in how I feel at all. If you truly feel this way then, donor eggs aren’t for you and that’s ok.

I had that same thought! There is a regular poster who weighs in against DE every time it comes up. I think they just came up with a new way to harass and discourage women who are thinking about DE.

This. If you want to do DE, that's your choice. If you don't want to do DE, that's your choice as well. Rather adopt than do IVF? Fine, take that route. Don't want to raise a child that isn't genetically your own and would rather live childfree? Go right ahead. See, what may be wrong for you may be exactly right for someone else. You do you, OP, but the start of this thread, along with several of your other replies, reads like a thinly veiled attack on people who choose DE.

For what it is worth, I have no stake in this...my DD was conceived via IVF without any donor.

These days in America, any opinion that is not yours is viewed as an attack. God forbid to discuss something with people who feel differently than you.

Normally I would agree with you (I'm the opposite of thin-skinned myself), but have you seen some of the anti-DE comments that have been left on other threads?

[Anonymous]

"But they claim that parenting is so much more than genetics. So, if genetics don't matter why even have husband's genetic in the mix? Or, could it be hypocrisy? It matters when it's 1/2 husband's but it doesn't matter than it's half someone's else. Let's just erase or minimize that person. "

Parenting is so much more than genetics. But it doesn't mean it's not nice to have your children genetically be related to you. I don't think I would love my daughter any more or less if she wasn't related to me. But I do get enjoyment out looking at her and wondering if she's going to look like me or have a personality similar to mine. And having gone through infertility, it's nice to have just some part of this experience to be slightly "normal".

I think it's the same for people who are doing embryo adoption vs child adoption. Does giving birth to your child really make you love them more? Probably not, but it's nice to have the experience of pregnancy. Physically bearing your child won't make a difference in your parenting later on, but it doesn't mean there's no point in having the experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post does feel a little like someone’s trying to convince others. Donor eggs are pretty much my last stop on this train and none of your arguments make a dent in how I feel at all. If you truly feel this way then, donor eggs aren’t for you and that’s ok.

I had that same thought! There is a regular poster who weighs in against DE every time it comes up. I think they just came up with a new way to harass and discourage women who are thinking about DE.

This. If you want to do DE, that's your choice. If you don't want to do DE, that's your choice as well. Rather adopt than do IVF? Fine, take that route. Don't want to raise a child that isn't genetically your own and would rather live childfree? Go right ahead. See, what may be wrong for you may be exactly right for someone else. You do you, OP, but the start of this thread, along with several of your other replies, reads like a thinly veiled attack on people who choose DE.

For what it is worth, I have no stake in this...my DD was conceived via IVF without any donor.

These days in America, any opinion that is not yours is viewed as an attack. God forbid to discuss something with people who feel differently than you.

Normally I would agree with you (I'm the opposite of thin-skinned myself), but have you seen some of the anti-DE comments that have been left on other threads?

No, I haven't. I am relatively new to the IVF game but I am a fast learner. When I delved deep into all these issues I discovered tons of hypocrisy surrounding various ART options and marketing of pretty much the same things differently, all for purpose of making billions of dollars off of desperate people. I have had two REs trying to present things to me in a marketing way and I have decided not to pay them any more. I am now looking at ART options overseas. They deceive there just as much as here but at least they charge less. Here are some obvious lies:

-DE recipients epigenetically influence their babies (they never mention that surrogates and other carriers do the same, they inflate it as something special for DE recipients)
-it's all about becoming a parent, genetics regardless (while making tens of thousands on people trying to use their own genes)
-charging tens of thousands of dollars for creation of embryos, their testing, and storage (while openly endorsing abortion when referring to embryos as clumps of cells)
-treating donors and surrogates like royalty until they serve purpose (cold-heartedly discarding them after that)
-emphasizing how egg and sperm donation is usually done out of benevolent reasons (the truth is that if donations where not anonymous and paid there would be 90% less donations than there are now)
-totally disregarding legal rights of future children as those children are their "product" that makes them billions of dollars (those issues are never discussed).


I could probably come up with more but these are glaringly obvious to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people understand parenting to be more than raising your gentic offspring. Actually the vast majority of parents get that. Spend some time changing diapers and teaching your kid to read and saving for college and you’ll see what parenting is alll about.

Yes, this. It’s an option you can choose or not choose. Only you can decide how comfortable you are with it.

[Anonymous]

OP you seem very angry. Infertility is enraging at times. If you feel you are a surrogate for your DH then it’s definitely not for you. So don’t do it. But making the case that all donors regret, that parents of DE children are surrogate parents and so on. It just sounds bitter.

[Anonymous]

We rarely hear men's opinions about this topic. Here is an opinion a prospective donor's husband. It also sheds light on the issue of socioeconomic divide between donor families and recipient families.

"We’re broke: Should my wife sell her eggs to an infertile couple?"

https://slate.com/human-interest/2009/02/i-m-not-sure-my-wife-should-be-an-egg-donor.html

[Anonymous]

Do not feed the troll. Someone starts this virulent anti-de every few months.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds very young to me - like she is in her twenties or something like that.
How old are you OP?

[Anonymous]

OP, why in the world do you think I give a flying fluck what you think?