DH simply doesn’t respond when I talk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is like this diagnosis is ADD Inattentive and Expressive Language Disorder.

Partial solutions - touch his arm or say his name and make sure you have hos attention before you speak. Sometimes I have to physically go over and stand in front of him to get his attention.

Don’t bury the message in a lot of info or pleasantries, make you question short and simple. Don’t repeat a ton of times. Ask once when you have his attention, then carry on even if
he doesn’t respond.

Stop being angry and allowing it to affect your self-esteem. This is a him problem. When he doesn’t answer he misses out. If he gets angry about it, just state that you asked him and he didn’t respond so you moved on. It’s not your job to repeat yourself 40x a day.

NP here; I was thinking Aspergers (now called HFA)
OP, one common trait of Aspergers is....this weird communication mismatch. google it; it might resonate with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you asking if you should go to the park? Did you want him to come with you? Just make a decision and leave.

This is what I was thinking. Why can't you just make a decision? You're an adult with a marriage and child but you can't decide if there's time to go to the park or not? COME ON! You sound indecisive and naggy. I wouldn't want to answer you either. JUST DECIDE.

[Anonymous]

I am hearing impaired - totally deaf in one ear - and for many years I don't know it was happening. People would talk to me on that side, I didn't hear them to I didn't react or answer, and they thought I was just being a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you asking if you should go to the park? Did you want him to come with you? Just make a decision and leave.

This is what I was thinking. Why can't you just make a decision? You're an adult with a marriage and child but you can't decide if there's time to go to the park or not? COME ON! You sound indecisive and naggy. I wouldn't want to answer you either. JUST DECIDE.

NP, same issues. What you posters don't understand is that OP is not seeking permission to do an activity. She's trying to make plans for the family. If she takes the older kid to the park, will DH watch the baby? If not, she needs to prep both kids for the park. My husband does this ALL.THE.TIME. because he'd rather me handle all the parenting work.

So OP could decide for herself that she'll go to the park with the two kids (bc DH isn't communicating his own plans) and then she has to do all of the work and DH gets a few hours to himself.

This adds up too - so if the DW ends up making all the decisions (bc DH won't communicate), then DW is cast as a controlling harpy that won't let her DH have a say in anything.

Ugh this thread is hitting too close to home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you asking if you should go to the park? Did you want him to come with you? Just make a decision and leave.

This is what I was thinking. Why can't you just make a decision? You're an adult with a marriage and child but you can't decide if there's time to go to the park or not? COME ON! You sound indecisive and naggy. I wouldn't want to answer you either. JUST DECIDE.

Op here. We have a baby (10 weeks old) and a toddler. My decisions affect him. If I left with toddler he’d have to watch the baby and figure out dinner. If he came with us then we would have grabbed dinner out together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you asking if you should go to the park? Did you want him to come with you? Just make a decision and leave.

This is what I was thinking. Why can't you just make a decision? You're an adult with a marriage and child but you can't decide if there's time to go to the park or not? COME ON! You sound indecisive and naggy. I wouldn't want to answer you either. JUST DECIDE.

Op here. We have a baby (10 weeks old) and a toddler. My decisions affect him. If I left with toddler he’d have to watch the baby and figure out dinner. If he came with us then we would have grabbed dinner out together.

Are you a SAHM? I'm guessing your DH is burnt out, and is not interested in making mundane decisions like whether to go to the park or not. Tell him you are going to the park, and then tell him what you need him to do (watch the baby, make dinner, twiddle his thumbs).

It never got this bad for us, but I eventually had to just tell my DH that there were certain things that we just didn't have TIME to discuss, and that we'd just need to trust the person who had the most invested to handle it. As an example, he wanted to discuss TVs ad nauseum - no thanks. I don't even have to have a TV, so no, I'm not interested in discussing makes and models.

In your case, I suspect you talk your husband to death and want his input on bullshit that is unnecessary, and he is just tuning you out. Make a decision on unimportant stuff and inform him of it. In case you still don't get it, going to the park (or not) and deciding who is cooking what for dinner is not important.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to say this even though it won't be popular. I realize it's stereotyping and it's not true in every case but, women talk a lot more than men.

When we are in the dating phase, there are nerves and passion in play and people are sometimes afraid to say the wrong thing, so the gap isn't as noticeable. When you get comfortable and are married, guys tend to be "a little talked out" and women tend to fill silence with words. Much like sex becomes more of a chore and less of a pleasure for the woman as some marriages age, conversation becomes more of a chore and less of a pleasure for men.

I think it may be a woman's willingness to discuss even the most inane topic and dis issue to death. My wife struggles with an economy of words when she speaks. She's great when she writes. Even the simplest statements that could be understood by anyone are accompanied by a 5 minute explanation of why. Over time, it wears on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you asking if you should go to the park? Did you want him to come with you? Just make a decision and leave.

This is what I was thinking. Why can't you just make a decision? You're an adult with a marriage and child but you can't decide if there's time to go to the park or not? COME ON! You sound indecisive and naggy. I wouldn't want to answer you either. JUST DECIDE.

NP, same issues. What you posters don't understand is that OP is not seeking permission to do an activity. She's trying to make plans for the family. If she takes the older kid to the park, will DH watch the baby? If not, she needs to prep both kids for the park. My husband does this ALL.THE.TIME. because he'd rather me handle all the parenting work.

So OP could decide for herself that she'll go to the park with the two kids (bc DH isn't communicating his own plans) and then she has to do all of the work and DH gets a few hours to himself.

This adds up too - so if the DW ends up making all the decisions (bc DH won't communicate), then DW is cast as a controlling harpy that won't let her DH have a say in anything.

Ugh this thread is hitting too close to home.

We understand. This is when OP waltzes out with the older kid and tells DH that she and Larlo will be back in an hour. Larla is upstairs napping and he needs to get the chicken in the oven while they are gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you asking if you should go to the park? Did you want him to come with you? Just make a decision and leave.

This is what I was thinking. Why can't you just make a decision? You're an adult with a marriage and child but you can't decide if there's time to go to the park or not? COME ON! You sound indecisive and naggy. I wouldn't want to answer you either. JUST DECIDE.

I would bet both of these responses came from men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you asking if you should go to the park? Did you want him to come with you? Just make a decision and leave.

This is what I was thinking. Why can't you just make a decision? You're an adult with a marriage and child but you can't decide if there's time to go to the park or not? COME ON! You sound indecisive and naggy. I wouldn't want to answer you either. JUST DECIDE.

NP, same issues. What you posters don't understand is that OP is not seeking permission to do an activity. She's trying to make plans for the family. If she takes the older kid to the park, will DH watch the baby? If not, she needs to prep both kids for the park. My husband does this ALL.THE.TIME. because he'd rather me handle all the parenting work.

So OP could decide for herself that she'll go to the park with the two kids (bc DH isn't communicating his own plans) and then she has to do all of the work and DH gets a few hours to himself.

This adds up too - so if the DW ends up making all the decisions (bc DH won't communicate), then DW is cast as a controlling harpy that won't let her DH have a say in anything.

Ugh this thread is hitting too close to home.

We understand. This is when OP waltzes out with the older kid and tells DH that she and Larlo will be back in an hour. Larla is upstairs napping and he needs to get the chicken in the oven while they are gone.

Op here. I’m not sure I’m following. I could have just made an announcement to DH and left, but I would still need him to respond and say something so I could be reassured that he understands he’s on baby duty and that I have the other kid.

This conversation wasn’t me just trying to chit chat with my DH. I want our marriage to be a democracy and for him to have a voice. This was Sunday afternoon and it’s his weekend too-I wanted his input. Even if his answer was that he didn’t care, or that he thought it would be better not to go, etc.

We both work during the week so weekends are precious to us both and there’s never enough time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you asking if you should go to the park? Did you want him to come with you? Just make a decision and leave.

This is what I was thinking. Why can't you just make a decision? You're an adult with a marriage and child but you can't decide if there's time to go to the park or not? COME ON! You sound indecisive and naggy. I wouldn't want to answer you either. JUST DECIDE.

She can't just decide, unless you think all the responsibility should be on the wife to decide how to manage childcare in the evenings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you asking if you should go to the park? Did you want him to come with you? Just make a decision and leave.

This is what I was thinking. Why can't you just make a decision? You're an adult with a marriage and child but you can't decide if there's time to go to the park or not? COME ON! You sound indecisive and naggy. I wouldn't want to answer you either. JUST DECIDE.

NP, same issues. What you posters don't understand is that OP is not seeking permission to do an activity. She's trying to make plans for the family. If she takes the older kid to the park, will DH watch the baby? If not, she needs to prep both kids for the park. My husband does this ALL.THE.TIME. because he'd rather me handle all the parenting work.

So OP could decide for herself that she'll go to the park with the two kids (bc DH isn't communicating his own plans) and then she has to do all of the work and DH gets a few hours to himself.

This adds up too - so if the DW ends up making all the decisions (bc DH won't communicate), then DW is cast as a controlling harpy that won't let her DH have a say in anything.

Ugh this thread is hitting too close to home.

Exactly. Refusing to engage on planning is textbook passive-aggression designed to result in getting out of doing anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you asking if you should go to the park? Did you want him to come with you? Just make a decision and leave.

This is what I was thinking. Why can't you just make a decision? You're an adult with a marriage and child but you can't decide if there's time to go to the park or not? COME ON! You sound indecisive and naggy. I wouldn't want to answer you either. JUST DECIDE.

NP, same issues. What you posters don't understand is that OP is not seeking permission to do an activity. She's trying to make plans for the family. If she takes the older kid to the park, will DH watch the baby? If not, she needs to prep both kids for the park. My husband does this ALL.THE.TIME. because he'd rather me handle all the parenting work.

So OP could decide for herself that she'll go to the park with the two kids (bc DH isn't communicating his own plans) and then she has to do all of the work and DH gets a few hours to himself.

This adds up too - so if the DW ends up making all the decisions (bc DH won't communicate), then DW is cast as a controlling harpy that won't let her DH have a say in anything.

Ugh this thread is hitting too close to home.

We understand. This is when OP waltzes out with the older kid and tells DH that she and Larlo will be back in an hour. Larla is upstairs napping and he needs to get the chicken in the oven while they are gone.

Then she's criticized for being "naggy" for telling her DH what and when to make dinner.

Plus, this is one insidious step in placing ALL the decisionmaking responsibility (including managing timelines) on the wife. Before you know it, she's the 100% default parent.

pretty neat trick on the DH's part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you asking if you should go to the park? Did you want him to come with you? Just make a decision and leave.

This is what I was thinking. Why can't you just make a decision? You're an adult with a marriage and child but you can't decide if there's time to go to the park or not? COME ON! You sound indecisive and naggy. I wouldn't want to answer you either. JUST DECIDE.

I would bet both of these responses came from men.

Right? And hey, it sure is nice to just have someone else decide about how the household can run on time, and just tell you! I would love that!

[Anonymous]

It’s obviously NOT meant to be disrespectful or passive aggressive and it saddens me how many posters jump to that as an explanation. He does sound mentally taxed with a baby and toddler and might just need that hand on shoulder and face to face address. It’s no biggie and nothing to be offended by.