DH simply doesn’t respond when I talk

[Anonymous]

I think he is sick and tired of family life but trying not to let on, so he zoned out.

[Anonymous]

My husband is like this, but amps it up a notch by then getting angry when I press that he hears me. OR then denies that I ever said/told him something. So i periodically unload on him that if he actually acknowledged I'm speaking to him it would avoid all of this. Doesn't make a difference obviously, because he continues to do it, but it makes me feel like I'm actually in the room and exists as a human being every now and then.

[Anonymous]

My DS is like this diagnosis is ADD Inattentive and Expressive Language Disorder.

Partial solutions - touch his arm or say his name and make sure you have hos attention before you speak. Sometimes I have to physically go over and stand in front of him to get his attention.

Don’t bury the message in a lot of info or pleasantries, make you question short and simple. Don’t repeat a ton of times. Ask once when you have his attention, then carry on even if
he doesn’t respond.

Stop being angry and allowing it to affect your self-esteem. This is a him problem. When he doesn’t answer he misses out. If he gets angry about it, just state that you asked him and he didn’t respond so you moved on. It’s not your job to repeat yourself 40x a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is like this diagnosis is ADD Inattentive and Expressive Language Disorder.

Partial solutions - touch his arm or say his name and make sure you have hos attention before you speak. Sometimes I have to physically go over and stand in front of him to get his attention.

Don’t bury the message in a lot of info or pleasantries, make you question short and simple. Don’t repeat a ton of times. Ask once when you have his attention, then carry on even if
he doesn’t respond.

Stop being angry and allowing it to affect your self-esteem. This is a him problem. When he doesn’t answer he misses out. If he gets angry about it, just state that you asked him and he didn’t respond so you moved on. It’s not your job to repeat yourself 40x a day.

Thank you for this explanation! My DD does this and I hate it but I suspect something similar to your DS is going on.

[Anonymous]

A couple of thoughts. Don't walk up to him and start talking. Some people need time to disengage from their thoughts.

Also, why do you need affirmation of every plan? Just go to the park. Be more independent and you may get more attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple of thoughts. Don't walk up to him and start talking. Some people need time to disengage from their thoughts.

Also, why do you need affirmation of every plan? Just go to the park. Be more independent and you may get more attention.

Agreed. I would probably zone out too if DH had to involve me in every single decision he made. It would be exhausting and annoying.

[Anonymous]

I find that conversation extremely exhausting and if it happens over and over with every part of life, I would zone out too.

Me: I;m heading to the park with Z before supper, want to come?
DH:silence -looking at phone
Me: goes to the park.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A couple of thoughts. Don't walk up to him and start talking. Some people need time to disengage from their thoughts.

Also, why do you need affirmation of every plan? Just go to the park. Be more independent and you may get more attention.

Agreed. I would probably zone out too if DH had to involve me in every single decision he made. It would be exhausting and annoying.

Op here. We have a baby and a toddler. I’m not going to just go and leave for the park. That’s rude. Similarly, I would expect if DH is going to leave the house with one of our children that he would talk to me about it. This is not a lack of independence, it’s basic respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is like this, but amps it up a notch by then getting angry when I press that he hears me. OR then denies that I ever said/told him something. So i periodically unload on him that if he actually acknowledged I'm speaking to him it would avoid all of this. Doesn't make a difference obviously, because he continues to do it, but it makes me feel like I'm actually in the room and exists as a human being every now and then.

Op here. Omg this is exactly the feeling. Like I’m not even a person.

What’s weird is when I’m sweet and pleasant or neutral, he’s more likely to do this. But if I’m angry/heated then magically I’ll have his attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS is like this diagnosis is ADD Inattentive and Expressive Language Disorder.

Partial solutions - touch his arm or say his name and make sure you have hos attention before you speak. Sometimes I have to physically go over and stand in front of him to get his attention.

Don’t bury the message in a lot of info or pleasantries, make you question short and simple. Don’t repeat a ton of times. Ask once when you have his attention, then carry on even if
he doesn’t respond.

Stop being angry and allowing it to affect your self-esteem. This is a him problem. When he doesn’t answer he misses out. If he gets angry about it, just state that you asked him and he didn’t respond so you moved on. It’s not your job to repeat yourself 40x a day.

Thank you for this explanation! My DD does this and I hate it but I suspect something similar to your DS is going on.

Op here. Thanks for this. I’ve never tried the arm touching thing but I could see that working.

[Anonymous]

Have his hearing checked

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our conversations look like this:

Me: Im thinking maybe we should go to the playground before dinner so DS can play.
DH: silence
Me: what do you think?
DH: silence
Me: Honey-did you hear me? Should we go to the park? Do you think we have time?
DH: silence
Me: (grouchy now) DH? Are you listening? What do you think? I’m going to take DS to the park. Are you coming?
DH: OK
Me: what does that mean? Yes or no? Should I just go with DS by myself? Or do you want to join us?

It’s maddening. This happens many times per week. Is there a diagnosis here or something? I find it extraordinarily rude but I don’t think he intends it that way. It’s not the silent treatment-he doesn’t seem obviously angry at me. I’ve tried asking him about it and told him how it makes me feel and it doesn’t feel like I’m gettinf through.

Does this happen with important conversations as well? If not, perhaps in mundane conversations he is absentminded and doesn’t care either way? Besides, you aren’t really asking what he thinks; you already made up your mind to take your DS to the park, no need to give his opinion.

Also, when someone says “ok” to “are you coming?” It usually means yes they will come. Ok means agreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is your sex life?

I wish you would be banned from this site

[Anonymous]

This is weird. Was he always that way? If he was, this is on you for marrying him, honestly.

[Anonymous]

He might not hear/process what you are saying. When you are talking to him try talking face to face. My DH can't do 2 things at once, he's super focused on his task. I have to be sure he sees me and makes eye contact (he also has ADHD).