DH had an affair

[Anonymous]

OP I am sorry you are going through this. I echo the recommendation that you see a therapist. Everything you are feeling is ok. It is like a bomb went off and you are just beginning to look around and survey the damage. I've been there. It is difficult but you will come out of it and you will be ok.
Go see someone to begin to sort it out. Over time you will make decisions as you are ready. Be gentle with yourself. Sending you my best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, so sorry you are going through with this, OP.

He is am ass for doing it and a bigger ass for telling you. It's not going to make you feel better but most accomplished men have done what your DH did at least once in their marriage but they are smart enough not to get caught or to confess. So you get the emotional turmoil of being married to a cheater while your friends whose husband's have done the same or worse get to be married and blissfully unaware.

No, most “accomplished” men have not done this. WTF.

+1
Quality men do not behave like this.

They just don’t get caught! Or god forbid tell anyone.

[Anonymous]

That’s really messed up. Maybe give marriage counseling a go if you want to try to save the marriage. I’d want access to his phone and email. Honestly, the story is odd and I’d question if you’ve gotten the whole truth here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, so sorry you are going through with this, OP.

He is am ass for doing it and a bigger ass for telling you. It's not going to make you feel better but most accomplished men have done what your DH did at least once in their marriage but they are smart enough not to get caught or to confess. So you get the emotional turmoil of being married to a cheater while your friends whose husband's have done the same or worse get to be married and blissfully unaware.

No, most “accomplished” men have not done this. WTF.

+1
Quality men do not behave like this.

+1

Part of the definition of quality men is that they aren't an asshole.

But whatever makes you feel better about yourself, accomplished PP.

[Anonymous]

Just goes to show that dress size and sex life frequency and intencity don’t really matter.
I am sorry this happened to you. Desire for new things is human nature and maybe you should use this situation as a push for new things for you, too.
A committed yet open relationship sounds fun!

[Anonymous]

Most people on this forum, without even knowing it, are or have been cheated on. Stats back up the fact that it’s easier to cheat now, then ever. Don’t think it can’t happen to you. It probably already has

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP can beat herself up forever trying to figure out why this happened but the root answer is usually as simple as 1) he has a sex drive 2) he is tempted by other women as are all men (yes all, not most, all) 3) he gave into the temptation.

If this is his one and only mistake, I would argue he is good at monogamy. He clearly wants to stay married as he confessed. Whether he is an otherwise good guy, who knows, I am not married to him.

And if OP had a night with some guy would you say the same?

Yes, samee. If my wife had a one night stand and all else was good in the marriage I would take her back, but would want my own hall pass to be fair. I am realistic about the difficulty of lifetime monogamy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, so sorry you are going through with this, OP.

He is am ass for doing it and a bigger ass for telling you. It's not going to make you feel better but most accomplished men have done what your DH did at least once in their marriage but they are smart enough not to get caught or to confess. So you get the emotional turmoil of being married to a cheater while your friends whose husband's have done the same or worse get to be married and blissfully unaware.

No, most “accomplished” men have not done this. WTF.

+1
Quality men do not behave like this.

By accomplished I mean attractive, financially successful and with a good personality. There man have a lot of opportunities to cheat, more than you think. That they buckle once over the course of a long marriage is totally unsurprising. Agree with other poster it's statistically likely and many of those here have been cheated on and have no idea. The only difference between OPs marriage and theirs is her idiot husband confessed which is just as cruel and the sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, so sorry you are going through with this, OP.

He is am ass for doing it and a bigger ass for telling you. It's not going to make you feel better but most accomplished men have done what your DH did at least once in their marriage but they are smart enough not to get caught or to confess. So you get the emotional turmoil of being married to a cheater while your friends whose husband's have done the same or worse get to be married and blissfully unaware.

I hope you are not married.

Agree... All DH cheat. Don’t think for one second they don’t. Some are better at it than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, so sorry you are going through with this, OP.

He is am ass for doing it and a bigger ass for telling you. It's not going to make you feel better but most accomplished men have done what your DH did at least once in their marriage but they are smart enough not to get caught or to confess. So you get the emotional turmoil of being married to a cheater while your friends whose husband's have done the same or worse get to be married and blissfully unaware.

No, most “accomplished” men have not done this. WTF.

+1
Quality men do not behave like this.

By accomplished I mean attractive, financially successful and with a good personality. There man have a lot of opportunities to cheat, more than you think. That they buckle once over the course of a long marriage is totally unsurprising. Agree with other poster it's statistically likely and many of those here have been cheated on and have no idea. The only difference between OPs marriage and theirs is her idiot husband confessed which is just as cruel and the sex

No, it is not “statistically likely” that people have cheated. While obviously hard to measure, most anonymous surveys indicate that somewhere between 20-30% of married men indicate they have engaged in extramarital affairs. While too high, that is a minority of men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, so sorry you are going through with this, OP.

He is am ass for doing it and a bigger ass for telling you. It's not going to make you feel better but most accomplished men have done what your DH did at least once in their marriage but they are smart enough not to get caught or to confess. So you get the emotional turmoil of being married to a cheater while your friends whose husband's have done the same or worse get to be married and blissfully unaware.

I hope you are not married.

Agree... All DH cheat. Don’t think for one second they don’t. Some are better at it than others.

You all live crazy screwed up lives. Certainly all men do not cheat. Some do. And you should think long and hard about whether this is who you want long term and whether he is capable of being a reliable partner.

[Anonymous]

That’s really crappy that he told you. He wanted to get it off his chest. I’m so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, so sorry you are going through with this, OP.

He is am ass for doing it and a bigger ass for telling you. It's not going to make you feel better but most accomplished men have done what your DH did at least once in their marriage but they are smart enough not to get caught or to confess. So you get the emotional turmoil of being married to a cheater while your friends whose husband's have done the same or worse get to be married and blissfully unaware.

No, most “accomplished” men have not done this. WTF.

+1
Quality men do not behave like this.

By accomplished I mean attractive, financially successful and with a good personality. There man have a lot of opportunities to cheat, more than you think. That they buckle once over the course of a long marriage is totally unsurprising. Agree with other poster it's statistically likely and many of those here have been cheated on and have no idea. The only difference between OPs marriage and theirs is her idiot husband confessed which is just as cruel and the sex

No, it is not “statistically likely” that people have cheated. While obviously hard to measure, most anonymous surveys indicate that somewhere between 20-30% of married men indicate they have engaged in extramarital affairs. While too high, that is a minority of men.

20-30% is the low estimate. 75% is the high estimate. Even if you trended down to 40 % of men cheat, that factors in all of them, from the overweight unemployed bum to the attractive, successful man in a suit who travels for work. Which do you think skews the averages.

That doesn't mean these men are chronic cheaters, most aren't but to expect perfection is a set up for disappointment

[Anonymous]

But even though men suck at monogamy, and it's likely most of them will cheat at some point, it doesn't mean OP has to accept it. It's more a matter of being realistic, she can dump the devil she knows for a chance at the devil she doesn't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What situation left to the one night stand? Work conference or something?

I was out of town with the kids for a kids’ sports thing and he went for a drink, met a woman who said she was in a committed yet open relationship, got her number...made a plan and the following week, came home late from what I thought was a work thing. He told me a week after that. He took her out to dinner and drinks at a place not very far from our house!

Omg so this changes my thinking entirely. He is full of it! He got her number, took her out to dinner? Near your house? No way it’s one time. It’s been going on a while and he got busted divorce.