DH had an affair

[Anonymous]

Actually, a one night stand. He told me a lot of details and has been extremely remorseful, etc. for the past couple weeks since he told me. We have an active sex life—both quantity and quality—and have been together a long time, so I am totally shocked. Before you ask, I wear the same size as I did when we first met and we don’t argue about anything. My head is absolutely spinning. Separation, divorce, therapy...I don’t know what to do. But right now, my feelings are so hurt! I feel betrayed and embarrassed and scared. I am devastated for our kids. I feel like “what is wrong with me?” The whole situation is terrible. But right now, more than anything else, I want to hurt his feelings as much as he has hurt mine. I want to go pick up some dude
at a bar and have sex. I want to walk out of this damn house and never come back. This sucks!

[Anonymous]

So sorry. Try not to do anything right now. Just sit on it and wait for a bit.

[Anonymous]

What situation left to the one night stand? Work conference or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry. Try not to do anything right now. Just sit on it and wait for a bit.

+1 Process it. Your mind is in a fog right now to do anything rationally and in your best interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What situation left to the one night stand? Work conference or something?

I was out of town with the kids for a kids’ sports thing and he went for a drink, met a woman who said she was in a committed yet open relationship, got her number...made a plan and the following week, came home late from what I thought was a work thing. He told me a week after that. He took her out to dinner and drinks at a place not very far from our house!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What situation left to the one night stand? Work conference or something?

I was out of town with the kids for a kids’ sports thing and he went for a drink, met a woman who said she was in a committed yet open relationship, got her number...made a plan and the following week, came home late from what I thought was a work thing. He told me a week after that. He took her out to dinner and drinks at a place not very far from our house!

This is worse than a one night stand. He had a premeditated thing where he had a week to come to his senses.

[Anonymous]

Once they cheat it’s very difficult to forgive. Every late night dinner will nag on you. In the end I left. Cheating and lying is the worst. I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry. Try not to do anything right now. Just sit on it and wait for a bit.

+1 Process it. Your mind is in a fog right now to do anything rationally and in your best interest.

I am absolutely paralyzed. I have no idea what would be in my best interest. I feel so sad and pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What situation left to the one night stand? Work conference or something?

I was out of town with the kids for a kids’ sports thing and he went for a drink, met a woman who said she was in a committed yet open relationship, got her number...made a plan and the following week, came home late from what I thought was a work thing. He told me a week after that. He took her out to dinner and drinks at a place not very far from our house!

Is that why he told you? Somebody who knows you saw them and threatened to tell you if he didn’t? That’s so sloppy. It’s like he wasn’t even worried about getting caught. Have there been any other radical changes in his behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What situation left to the one night stand? Work conference or something?

I was out of town with the kids for a kids’ sports thing and he went for a drink, met a woman who said she was in a committed yet open relationship, got her number...made a plan and the following week, came home late from what I thought was a work thing. He told me a week after that. He took her out to dinner and drinks at a place not very far from our house!

This is worse than a one night stand. He had a premeditated thing where he had a week to come to his senses.

+1 it's one thing for it to be spontaneous, but this.. no, I couldn't forgive this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What situation left to the one night stand? Work conference or something?

I was out of town with the kids for a kids’ sports thing and he went for a drink, met a woman who said she was in a committed yet open relationship, got her number...made a plan and the following week, came home late from what I thought was a work thing. He told me a week after that. He took her out to dinner and drinks at a place not very far from our house!

This is worse than a one night stand. He had a premeditated thing where he had a week to come to his senses.

Correct. Week ahead of time, taking her to dinner, I’d be done. I’m so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What situation left to the one night stand? Work conference or something?

I was out of town with the kids for a kids’ sports thing and he went for a drink, met a woman who said she was in a committed yet open relationship, got her number...made a plan and the following week, came home late from what I thought was a work thing. He told me a week after that. He took her out to dinner and drinks at a place not very far from our house!

This is worse than a one night stand. He had a premeditated thing where he had a week to come to his senses.

Agreed. It would be one thing (still awful, of course) if he had been drinking on a work trip and one thing led to another. But this is clearly a situation where he wanted the thrill of going on a date with someone new ... not a good sign.

Definitely do not feel rushed into making a decision regardless of which way ... the power is in your court. If you want him to leave for a few days, have at it. You need to do whatever you feel is right so you can think properly.

[Anonymous]

Why does he say he did it, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What situation left to the one night stand? Work conference or something?

I was out of town with the kids for a kids’ sports thing and he went for a drink, met a woman who said she was in a committed yet open relationship, got her number...made a plan and the following week, came home late from what I thought was a work thing. He told me a week after that. He took her out to dinner and drinks at a place not very far from our house!

Is that why he told you? Somebody who knows you saw them and threatened to tell you if he didn’t? That’s so sloppy. It’s like he wasn’t even worried about getting caught. Have there been any other radical changes in his behavior?

Yes, why did he tell you? That’s so weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once they cheat it’s very difficult to forgive. Every late night dinner will nag on you. In the end I left. Cheating and lying is the worst. I’m sorry.

I agree. I would never be able to forgive or trust again. I would be done.