I'm afraid that my daughter is not very smart and I'm worried about her future job prospects

[Anonymous]

I didn't do all that well in school...hated it, hated studying, etc. Ironically on all of those standardized tests, I school extremely high on the study skills section. I didn't do well at school until my mid twenties when my brain finally fully developed. On the other hand I was always a stellar worker at jobs and had no issues (ever) with employment. I don't think my processing speed was slow, I just didn't "get it." Once I hit about 25-26 I finally "got it" and school became easy and I sailed through on the honor roll. All things in good time OP. Maybe 18-23 isn't her college window.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she pretty? She can marry well and be a SAHM.

A lot of people won’t like this answer but it’s realistic. Women do this and it’s totally accepted and even applauded, depending on how wealthy you are.

OP here. Yes, she is and sad to say, this does seem to be her best hope. But obviously I can't hedge my bets on this.

NO. Now I think you're a troll.

OP here. Believe me I am not a troll, I'm just sad and at my witt's end and hoping someone can give me some advice.

[Anonymous]

I mean ... have you ever worked in an office, OP? It's not like everyone in every office is a genius! You're acting like your child is intellectually disabled, when she's getting Bs. Therapy?

[Anonymous]

OP, be patient. The world needs average people too. Everybody isn't cut out to be a rocket scientist. Rocket scientists need bank tellers and admin assistants etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Twelve is a good time to start to look for her strengths and look for ways to optimize her career path. Figure out what she is good at and see if you can find a way to guide her towards a career that makes the most of those strengths. It may not necessarily be college or a professional type job. In fact, odds are it won't be. One of the problems millennials faced is that so many of them had parents that pushed them into college that we ended up with many more college grads than there were professional level jobs for them.

But there are many jobs that require vocational or technical skills that do not require a fast thinker or an above average intelligence where she could be very successful. Cooking, HVAC, electrical work, carpentry, plumbing, clerical skills, mechanics, nursing, and dental hygienist are just a few of the careers that don't require a college degree (at least not for all jobs in these careers) and that people can be very successful at. Additionally, someone can go into retail and become a manager or supervisor and still make a decent living.

The important thing is to steer her towards the things that she does well and then for her to go towards a career that takes advantage of the skills that she does have.

You're on crack if you think nurses and dental hygienists don't have college degrees. They absolutely do. Even a 2 year associates degree takes 4 years with all the prerequisite classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I hate the DC area so so much. She'll be fine.

OP here. Believe me, I find the striving DC mentality nauseating as well. This goes beyond that. I'm not concerned because my daughter is not a superstar. I'm concerned that she doesn't have what it takes to be a functioning adult. This is a concern that a parent in WV coal country would have as well.

SHE HAS A NORMAL IQ AND IS GETTING Bs!! Please, head over to the Special Needs boards to talk to parents who have kids that actually may not be able to live independently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she pretty? She can marry well and be a SAHM.

A lot of people won’t like this answer but it’s realistic. Women do this and it’s totally accepted and even applauded, depending on how wealthy you are.

Hell I’ll be honest here. I was always top of my class but grew up in poverty and didn’t want a career. I got everything I ever wanted (upper middle class, nice husband, stay at home with my handful of kids) just by being attractive and getting married. I’m not saying this is for everyone but I am very happy with my life. You have to work with what you’ve got to get what you want.

How attractive? megan fox attractive? Lauren Sanchez attractive? I think you being clever and street smart got you married to an umc guy. BUt you know the women I know who married to get out of poverty weren't even THAT attractive. Mostly plain janes but extremely clever. Hell some even still slept around and dated other men after marrying because they had little or no feelings for the husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she pretty? She can marry well and be a SAHM.

A lot of people won’t like this answer but it’s realistic. Women do this and it’s totally accepted and even applauded, depending on how wealthy you are.

OP here. Yes, she is and sad to say, this does seem to be her best hope. But obviously I can't hedge my bets on this.

NO. Now I think you're a troll.

OP here. Believe me I am not a troll, I'm just sad and at my witt's end and hoping someone can give me some advice.

My honest advice to you is to get therapy.

That, and consider whether she has a learning disorder. You seem so dramatically concerned for her in a way that doesn't make sense, unless perhaps her struggles are more than you've been able to describe here.

[Anonymous]

Put her in great schools and patrician sports/clubs and she'll be around ambitious peers. Peer group is more important than IQ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Folks: OP is a troll. With that being said, whoever said a person with average intelligence can't be in big aw obviously isn't in big law or has NPD and doesn't really that he/she is surrounded by mediocre people with average IQs. My MIL is completely clueless and had a 30 year career in big law. In fact, I think you have to be stupid to follow that career path.

OP here. I swear I am not a troll. This is incredibly hard, I'm extremely worried about my daughter's future. Referring to her as not very smart is me just being extremely blunt. It may not (hopefully) even be true. But despite whether her issues are due to low processing speed, adhd, or any other type of learning disability. It's not something that would matter to a future employer. To a future employer, she just wouldn't come across as very smart and that is what I'm worried about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean ... have you ever worked in an office, OP? It's not like everyone in every office is a genius! You're acting like your child is intellectually disabled, when she's getting Bs. Therapy?

We have to work with her a lot for her to get those B's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she pretty? She can marry well and be a SAHM.

A lot of people won’t like this answer but it’s realistic. Women do this and it’s totally accepted and even applauded, depending on how wealthy you are.

OP here. Yes, she is and sad to say, this does seem to be her best hope. But obviously I can't hedge my bets on this.

NO. Now I think you're a troll.

OP here. Believe me I am not a troll, I'm just sad and at my witt's end and hoping someone can give me some advice.

My honest advice to you is to get therapy.

That, and consider whether she has a learning disorder. You seem so dramatically concerned for her in a way that doesn't make sense, unless perhaps her struggles are more than you've been able to describe here.

OP here. I think this might be the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will flat out admit it. I don't think my daughter is particularly bright. She is 12 years old and has taken the WISC IV that showed her IQ as being a 110, but with an extremely low processing speed. I realize that her iq definitely puts her well in the average range, but she is so impacted by her low processing speed that for all practical purposes she doesn't come across as smart in many areas. Her teachers always have concerns about her. She has to study very hard to retain anything, and she's very easily distracted and only manages to get B's because we sit down with her to study every night. But this can't go on forever and I have a hard time seeing how she can get through college. However, what worries me even more than college is if she will be able to remain employed. To be completely honest, I just can't imagine her being very good at any job. This is extremely painful for me to admit to myself, much less post. But I am absolutely worried to death about her future, and am just trying to envision what kind of job a person like her could possibly do.

Maybe get her involved in an interest or hobby she really likes. Maybe schoolwork isn't her thing and she likes music or art, etc. My friend was adhd and went to cooking school. At least she's got your support. My parents hardly graduated high school with one not even graduating middle and didn't help me with my homework. I hated math because of it. Kinda wish I had been of one of those cultures where math is emphasized by parents and because of their language barrier wish they had more involved in my school life. Growing up second gen hispanic is the WORST.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, be patient. The world needs average people too. Everybody isn't cut out to be a rocket scientist. Rocket scientists need bank tellers and admin assistants etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - How smart are you and your spouse? I am guessing smarter than average and perhaps you had an easy time in school. In this area there are a lot of smart, high achieving people and it sometimes seems as if all the kids are super smart.

I have worked in IT consulting and dealt with clients who are the “back office” of many companies - HR, Accounting, Facilities, etc. I have seen many industries and been at companies outside of DC in several regions. I can tell you first hand that there are plenty of average people with average or less than average processing speed working productively in mediocre office jobs making $50-90k.

Is your daughter going to be a Big Law partner or a lobbyist or sales person making $$$$$, probably not. Will she be able to find a job where people like her and she has a career and contributes to her family and society - definitely. Most kids don’t go to Tier 1 or Ivy schools. Most adults don’t make over $100k / yr. Also most adults are doing ok and have meaningful lives.

Sales? It’s all about being personable, charming, outgoing, and charismatic. Helps a lot if you’re attractive.

I know lots of sales people who make big bucks (including some who make high six figures) who are not intellectual types and probably weren’t the top of their class.

Many 12 year old girls are shy. I was very shy and now I’m a lobbyist (and far from brilliant). My daughter was shy and she’s thriving in college and quite extroverted.

OP: Is the advice you are getting helping you feel better?


Sales would be great, but she is rather shy.