Divorced BF spends weekends doing “projects” at Ex wife’s house

[Anonymous]

Is this happening pretty much every Saturday? Are you sitting alone most weekends while he is at his ex’s? I wouldn’t be ok with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex helps with house repairs. I was the first wife and we're still friends. Sorry you're insecure.

I don’t think I’m insecure, actually, I just want to spend time with him. It seems like she should handle stuff at her house- hire contractors to get it done, and not pressure him. She is wealthy, cost is not an issue. He still seems very attached. As someone said “it’s what I signed up for”... but, really?

Also he will try to cover it up- saying he has to go do “errands” when we are talking about the weekend. But then he seems to not want to lie and will tell me he was over there doing work, if I ask him how his day was. Since we didn’t spend the day together.

You are with this guy...why?

No, you are not in the position of demanding that he stop going over to his ex wife's house but you can certainly choose to find a guy that wants to spend his free time with you. Don't sell yourself short like that, Op.

Maybe there is more to this than yours saying. But I’d run. She’s an ex wife and seems to be his priority not you. Plus he is a liar

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this happening pretty much every Saturday? Are you sitting alone most weekends while he is at his ex’s? I wouldn’t be ok with that.

It every weekend but I’d say maybe every other plus a few trips during the week. He’s over there a lot. He was there most of day today and is now “too tired” to make our dinner plans. Whoever said I am sad about him not choosing to spend time with me is right I guess- that’s my primary issue. I don’t think it’s bad for him to keep in touch with her. But secondarily, I do think it’s kind of weird that he spends so much time at his former home with his former wife. Idk... like why? I feel sort of foolish, sitting here waiting for him.

[Anonymous]

That would be a dealbreaker for me. If I’m in a relationship I want to be the person’s primary. And bring there so much suggests to me he hadn’t really moved on completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Granted he bought and redmodeled the house over nearly 30 years, raised kid there, and is recently divorced (last few years). However his continued investment in the home (no longer his as per his divorce agreement) makes me feel uncomfortable. I understand the emotions involved, intellectually, but it stills makes me feel unhappy. I spend Sat on my own, while he is over there, repairing fences, cleaning out gutters, fixing the pool, doing interior carpentry, etc.

What does the peanut gallery say?

Maybe fills empty openings in ex wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this happening pretty much every Saturday? Are you sitting alone most weekends while he is at his ex’s? I wouldn’t be ok with that.

It every weekend but I’d say maybe every other plus a few trips during the week. He’s over there a lot. He was there most of day today and is now “too tired” to make our dinner plans. Whoever said I am sad about him not choosing to spend time with me is right I guess- that’s my primary issue. I don’t think it’s bad for him to keep in touch with her. But secondarily, I do think it’s kind of weird that he spends so much time at his former home with his former wife. Idk... like why? I feel sort of foolish, sitting here waiting for him.

Sounds like you’ve figured out that this isn’t working for you. Break it off and move on. You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you or can’t meet your needs.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been dating? Are you sure he is divorced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's gotta learn to stop being a sucker.

His XW has gotta learn that she lost the free handyman when the divorce was final.

This

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t a kid deserve a dad that helps fix up the home his child lives in?
I had that growing up and it meant a lot to me. It’s one of the major ways I think of my dad and how he expressed his love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this happening pretty much every Saturday? Are you sitting alone most weekends while he is at his ex’s? I wouldn’t be ok with that.

It every weekend but I’d say maybe every other plus a few trips during the week. He’s over there a lot. He was there most of day today and is now “too tired” to make our dinner plans. Whoever said I am sad about him not choosing to spend time with me is right I guess- that’s my primary issue. I don’t think it’s bad for him to keep in touch with her. But secondarily, I do think it’s kind of weird that he spends so much time at his former home with his former wife. Idk... like why? I feel sort of foolish, sitting here waiting for him.

Sounds like you’ve figured out that this isn’t working for you. Break it off and move on. You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you or can’t meet your needs.

For sure move on. He's just not that into you. When we were dating my now DH drove and hour and a half to see me every weekend that I was on call just so we could hangout between work calls. He wouldn't leave until Monday AM so he could sleep next to me Sunday night. He is still crazy about me after 12 years of marriage (not sure why but I'm happy he is!)

Don't settle for being someone's second priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he working on her plumbing?

Likely laying pipe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t a kid deserve a dad that helps fix up the home his child lives in?
I had that growing up and it meant a lot to me. It’s one of the major ways I think of my dad and how he expressed his love.

Best not to divorce then?

I’d set him free, OP. Sounds like his ex is what makes him truly happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this happening pretty much every Saturday? Are you sitting alone most weekends while he is at his ex’s? I wouldn’t be ok with that.

It every weekend but I’d say maybe every other plus a few trips during the week. He’s over there a lot. He was there most of day today and is now “too tired” to make our dinner plans. Whoever said I am sad about him not choosing to spend time with me is right I guess- that’s my primary issue. I don’t think it’s bad for him to keep in touch with her. But secondarily, I do think it’s kind of weird that he spends so much time at his former home with his former wife. Idk... like why? I feel sort of foolish, sitting here waiting for him.

I would be put off by this as well. It seems like he doesn't want to spend time with you. Most men are not that eagerly looking to do house upkeep chores on the weekends. I think you start making your own plans on the weekends and maybe consider if this is a really a relationship that you want to be in anymore.

[Anonymous]

A few years after my divorce my ex wife called me and told me a shower nob in the bathroom was leaking and wanted to know If I would fix it like I did when we were married.

I was out of state getting trained for a new job at the time and so I could not help her. I told her that we were not married any longer and the house is not mine so she should either fix it herself or hire someone. She got very upset with me. She told the kids I don't care about them any more because I wouldn't help.


Ex wives are notoriously mean and cruel and often use children to hurt their ex husband.

He may be doing things to keep her from going off the deep end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few years after my divorce my ex wife called me and told me a shower nob in the bathroom was leaking and wanted to know If I would fix it like I did when we were married.

I was out of state getting trained for a new job at the time and so I could not help her. I told her that we were not married any longer and the house is not mine so she should either fix it herself or hire someone. She got very upset with me. She told the kids I don't care about them any more because I wouldn't help.


Ex wives are notoriously mean and cruel and often use children to hurt their ex husband.

He may be doing things to keep her from going off the deep end.

Thanks for this comment. I believe he feels guilty for the demise of his marriage and goes over the top (in my modest opinion) buying his ex wife and daughter fancy vacations, a new pool for the house, a new car (“they need it”) etc etc. He does whatever they ask, but complains about it to me later, as if they forced him. I get it, but it bothers me as I have a much less cozy relationship with my former spouse.