Divorced BF spends weekends doing “projects” at Ex wife’s house

Anonymous
Granted he bought and redmodeled the house over nearly 30 years, raised kid there, and is recently divorced (last few years). However his continued investment in the home (no longer his as per his divorce agreement) makes me feel uncomfortable. I understand the emotions involved, intellectually, but it stills makes me feel unhappy. I spend Sat on my own, while he is over there, repairing fences, cleaning out gutters, fixing the pool, doing interior carpentry, etc.

What does the peanut gallery say?
Anonymous
Ugh, just no.
Anonymous
My ex helps with house repairs. I was the first wife and we're still friends. Sorry you're insecure.
Anonymous
It's what you've signed up for ... you can make a different choice but I wouldn't ask him to.
Anonymous
I think that sounds excessive. He and his former wife are divorced. They have their own separate lives and should be living them. He should be spending his time taking care of his own home and his own relationships.

It sounds as though he still is attached to his former wife. Is their child grown?
Anonymous
totally depends on the specifics of their divorce
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My ex helps with house repairs. I was the first wife and we're still friends. Sorry you're insecure.


I don’t think I’m insecure, actually, I just want to spend time with him. It seems like she should handle stuff at her house- hire contractors to get it done, and not pressure him. She is wealthy, cost is not an issue. He still seems very attached. As someone said “it’s what I signed up for”... but, really?
Anonymous
Are they prepping the home to sell? If so, I'd be more ok with it than if it were routine maintenance. Getting a good price will benefit their chidl.
Anonymous
I told my ex, who now lives in an apartment, that I was going to put up a nice patio in the back because it would be much easier to maintain and because I hate to garden. He loves to garden, so he comes over and putters in the backyard and grows his tomatoes. We don't hate each other, and it doesn't bother me at all. And no, we're not sleeping together.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My ex helps with house repairs. I was the first wife and we're still friends. Sorry you're insecure.


I don’t think I’m insecure, actually, I just want to spend time with him. It seems like she should handle stuff at her house- hire contractors to get it done, and not pressure him. She is wealthy, cost is not an issue. He still seems very attached. As someone said “it’s what I signed up for”... but, really?


Also he will try to cover it up- saying he has to go do “errands” when we are talking about the weekend. But then he seems to not want to lie and will tell me he was over there doing work, if I ask him how his day was. Since we didn’t spend the day together.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Are they prepping the home to sell? If so, I'd be more ok with it than if it were routine maintenance. Getting a good price will benefit their chidl.


No they aren’t selling the house, and it’s hers, not theirs. But an understandable possible explanation.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My ex helps with house repairs. I was the first wife and we're still friends. Sorry you're insecure.


I don’t think I’m insecure, actually, I just want to spend time with him. It seems like she should handle stuff at her house- hire contractors to get it done, and not pressure him. She is wealthy, cost is not an issue. He still seems very attached. As someone said “it’s what I signed up for”... but, really?


Also he will try to cover it up- saying he has to go do “errands” when we are talking about the weekend. But then he seems to not want to lie and will tell me he was over there doing work, if I ask him how his day was. Since we didn’t spend the day together.


You are with this guy...why?

No, you are not in the position of demanding that he stop going over to his ex wife's house but you can certainly choose to find a guy that wants to spend his free time with you. Don't sell yourself short like that, Op.
Anonymous
Is he working on her plumbing?
Anonymous
None of your business. Two grown-ups decide how they will interact.
Anonymous
You can always break up with him, op. I would.
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