Divorced BF spends weekends doing “projects” at Ex wife’s house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You found a good guy and your going to blow it up but I suspect this is not your first time messing up a good relationship.

I haven’t “blown” anything up nor have a I messed up a good relationship. I just want to spend time with him on weekends, and yet he is often away doing chores at his former wife’s house, which he hides from me. He lived there too for many years, so he wants to do the work. He tells me “no one else cares enough to do a good job.” One 18 year old kid still lives in the home.

A high schooler?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few years after my divorce my ex wife called me and told me a shower nob in the bathroom was leaking and wanted to know If I would fix it like I did when we were married.

I was out of state getting trained for a new job at the time and so I could not help her. I told her that we were not married any longer and the house is not mine so she should either fix it herself or hire someone. She got very upset with me. She told the kids I don't care about them any more because I wouldn't help.


Ex wives are notoriously mean and cruel and often use children to hurt their ex husband.

He may be doing things to keep her from going off the deep end.

So your kids still lived there and because it was no longer your house you wouldn't help? It sounds like it wasn't because you were out of town, but because you no longer lived there. I'm more handy than my XDH and will help at his place if I can because my kids spend time there too. I have zero interest in him. I just don't see the point of not helping if it's something easy. When my kids are off to college, maybe I'll feel differently. Your ex was wrong to say anything to the kid, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few years after my divorce my ex wife called me and told me a shower nob in the bathroom was leaking and wanted to know If I would fix it like I did when we were married.

I was out of state getting trained for a new job at the time and so I could not help her. I told her that we were not married any longer and the house is not mine so she should either fix it herself or hire someone. She got very upset with me. She told the kids I don't care about them any more because I wouldn't help.


Ex wives are notoriously mean and cruel and often use children to hurt their ex husband.

He may be doing things to keep her from going off the deep end.

So your kids still lived there and because it was no longer your house you wouldn't help? It sounds like it wasn't because you were out of town, but because you no longer lived there. I'm more handy than my XDH and will help at his place if I can because my kids spend time there too. I have zero interest in him. I just don't see the point of not helping if it's something easy. When my kids are off to college, maybe I'll feel differently. Your ex was wrong to say anything to the kid, though.

lol Using the kids card. It's her responsibility to do that plus where would it end if he said yes. It's selfish to still bother your ex about this kind of stuff. Like they don't have enough to do in their own lives. It's part of moving on, and if your ex finds someone it's totally wrong and inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this happening pretty much every Saturday? Are you sitting alone most weekends while he is at his ex’s? I wouldn’t be ok with that.

It every weekend but I’d say maybe every other plus a few trips during the week. He’s over there a lot. He was there most of day today and is now “too tired” to make our dinner plans. Whoever said I am sad about him not choosing to spend time with me is right I guess- that’s my primary issue. I don’t think it’s bad for him to keep in touch with her. But secondarily, I do think it’s kind of weird that he spends so much time at his former home with his former wife. Idk... like why? I feel sort of foolish, sitting here waiting for him.

Foolish? it's insane OP.

I would probably move on, but before that have a talk with him. Tell him for your relationship to develop this is a big problem. Picking up his kids and dropping them off is the norm. This isn't!! Does he take you over there?? He may be sleeping with her fyi. My nephew-in-law had a fiancee. They were set to get married and abruptly broke it off. Come to find out his ex was pregnant with his child. Couldn't very well hide that except they really did his fiancee a great favor. He's a total loser today, and his ex wife is re-married and seems miserable.