Issue with blended family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'm selfish at all. I've taken the high road this entire time. DH's family is barely civil to me, yet I grit my teeth and deal. His parents barely acknowledge my children, but lavish his kids with presents over the holidays. I've not said a single word about this unfairness, and have never said a negative word about their mother.

I have taken on board the suggestions about letting go of expecting his kids do too much with my younger ones. I can see how that might not be appealing to them.

I honestly don’t think you are mature enough to make this marriage work. I will stop posting now because it will be useless.

[Anonymous]

Op, you must know that anonymity on DCUM is rare. Again, I am a stepmom. I’m not anti-stepmom. But you are extraordinarily selfish. Of course DH’s family is hostile to you! You are hurting his kids and your kids are strangers! And it seems like you may well have had a big part in breaking up his marriage.

Why in earth should your stepkids have had to switch schools just because YOU wanted to get married?!!! And now you think that they need therapy it’s all of you? Seriously, every word you write reveals an astonishing level of self-centered ness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'm selfish at all. I've taken the high road this entire time. DH's family is barely civil to me, yet I grit my teeth and deal. His parents barely acknowledge my children, but lavish his kids with presents over the holidays. I've not said a single word about this unfairness, and have never said a negative word about their mother.

I have taken on board the suggestions about letting go of expecting his kids do too much with my younger ones. I can see how that might not be appealing to them.

Why should they be more than barely civil? They are good to their grandkids because they know they had nothing to do with you and your husband’s horrible decisions. All they know is what you’ve shown of your character- you were the AP turned wife. You’re lucky that they even acknowledge you so soon after such selfish actions from the two of you. Good god woman - have you not done this enough in upending these kids lives? You got the man - now you want the kids and in-laws to fall in line? Wow. Really - take a good look at yourself. Do what you can to make things better...what you’re doing now is not it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you must know that anonymity on DCUM is rare. Again, I am a stepmom. I’m not anti-stepmom. But you are extraordinarily selfish. Of course DH’s family is hostile to you! You are hurting his kids and your kids are strangers! And it seems like you may well have had a big part in breaking up his marriage.

Why in earth should your stepkids have had to switch schools just because YOU wanted to get married?!!! And now you think that they need therapy it’s all of you? Seriously, every word you write reveals an astonishing level of self-centered ness.

Sorry, I meant *unanimity, not anonymity. We are literally all saying you are way, way out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why can’t you change your custody schedule, then?

It doesn't make sense for me to be the one to change. My ex lives almost 45 minutes away, so the logistics of working out new schedules for my kids is much more difficult. I already had to move to my DH's neighborhood because his ex refused to allow his kids to switch schools, which I was willing to do since my oldest hadn't yet started school.

Who cares what makes sense or that is much more difficult for you. If it matters for you, you go through the "hardship" to make it work.

Do you hear yourself? His ex "refused" to let the older kids switch schools but you were the cool one who could move. This is was simply a consequence of the fact that her kids are older and yours younger, not that you're a better person who was willing to move. If you can't realize that not having the older kids switch schools when their lives were otherwise upended was a GOOD move, you don't have those kids' best interests at heart in the least.

You need a major attitude shift if you want this blended family to have a remote chance of working out.

Want to agree with this. You said his ex refused to change schedules ... It actually sounds as if you are doing the same.

When i was 12 i did virtually nothing with my 6 year old brother. This is not unusual. What would be unusual would be a 12 year old having anything to do with a small child unless they are being paid too watch them.

[Anonymous]

need to twittwiddle this thread to " issues with a crazy second wife, mother, step-mother"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a nuclear family of 5, the little kids wouldn't have as many activities. They would tag along and play on the sidelines as the older kids did things, or be enrolled in the same activities and not given a choice of what they do. Try taking your children to the soccer and basketball games and maybe it would work better.

Agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So, you and your husband have decided to "prioritize your marriage" over your kids, and you have five kids between you, all of whom have recently watched their parents divorce?

Holy crap.

I realize this sounds unusual, but both of us u deratamd that one of the reasons our previous marriages failed is that we grew apart from our spouses because of all the time and energy focused on the kids and not invested in the relationship. We aren't ignoring the kids. When the kids are here, we are all in focusing on them and on being a family.

BS. I feel sorry for all your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a nuclear family of 5, the little kids wouldn't have as many activities. They would tag along and play on the sidelines as the older kids did things, or be enrolled in the same activities and not given a choice of what they do. Try taking your children to the soccer and basketball games and maybe it would work better.

Agree

I don't think this is a good idea. I was the older sister in the situation and hated my whiny younger siblings being dragged to my games and my younger siblings report hating being dragged to their games and not allowed to have their own activities. This is without the blended family drama. In this case I think nits best everyone keeps their activities and schedules. The best thing to do is as pp suggested aim for family dinner. In the distant future they can do other activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'm selfish at all. I've taken the high road this entire time. DH's family is barely civil to me, yet I grit my teeth and deal. His parents barely acknowledge my children, but lavish his kids with presents over the holidays. I've not said a single word about this unfairness, and have never said a negative word about their mother.

I have taken on board the suggestions about letting go of expecting his kids do too much with my younger ones. I can see how that might not be appealing to them.

Don’t your kids have their own grandparents. Why the heck would you expect his parents to get your kids anything. It’s not unfai....

[Anonymous]

OP, actions have consequences. Your action of remarrying with small children resulted in dysfunction. Suck it up and quit analyzing the situation with his side - victim hood is prevalent in our society!

[Anonymous]

Since you have not responded to the questions..you had had an affair and rushed into marriage. It’s a shock that the step kids are not outraged and hostile toward the omen who broke up their family. And you wonder why their mother isn’t agreeable. Oh...same with the grandparents. You and your DH are extremely selfish and do not ever expect his kids to have any respect for you. You are the whore that ruined their life.

[Anonymous]

The first thing that came to my mind is that you are unreasonable to expect all of the kids to be doing the same activities all of the time. I have two kids ages 11 and 7 and we often divide and conquer, with one of us taking older DC to sports practice while the other stays home it takes you get dc to their activity. Expecting 10 and 12 year olds to go to a splash park versus a real water park is unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'm selfish at all. I've taken the high road this entire time. DH's family is barely civil to me, yet I grit my teeth and deal. His parents barely acknowledge my children, but lavish his kids with presents over the holidays. I've not said a single word about this unfairness, and have never said a negative word about their mother.

I have taken on board the suggestions about letting go of expecting his kids do too much with my younger ones. I can see how that might not be appealing to them.

Why is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you have not responded to the questions..you had had an affair and rushed into marriage. It’s a shock that the step kids are not outraged and hostile toward the omen who broke up their family. And you wonder why their mother isn’t agreeable. Oh...same with the grandparents. You and your DH are extremely selfish and do not ever expect his kids to have any respect for you. You are the whore that ruined their life.

This. OP can immaturely respond to everything except the one where she’s been called out for having an affair - with someone whose home she’s been in and birthday parties of their children she attended. Gross.

I would never respect you if I were one of the older kids. Lucky her own are so young not to understand how she blew up two families.