Issue with blended family

[Anonymous]

I think there are some people who can’t see past the affair. That’s the end and nothing short of a lifetime of name calling, exclusion and abuse will make up for it.

I don’t condone affairs but that’s done at this point. Both first marriages are over. This is the new normal. Nobody benefits by dwelling in this forever. OP, if you’re living in a neighborhood where your DHs ex had a network, you need to move and start fresh. There’s no way around this. You see how some posters respond on the thread the moment an affair is brought up. It will trigger a lot of people - especially those who new the ex.

Also, I do agree you both need some solo parenting time. Maybe have one week with all the kids at the house, one week with just your kids, one week with just his kids. The older kids especially need time alone with their dad. I think this is the best way for all of you to get your needs met. One week to focus on your marriage should be enough, and the arrangement above has a nice balance.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's easy to demonize me, I get it. statistically, half of you are cheaters. Half. I'm not proud of how my relationship with my husband started, but I didn't set out to destroy his wife and children. Yes, I'm ashamed I slept with a married man. We worked together for 15 years before we became more than just coworkers. He was in a sexless marriage for years, living like roommates. His wife was on medication for depression since having kids. My own marriage was nonexistent, my ex worked 60 hour weeks and when he was home was disengaged. Both marriages were dead long before we started leaning on each other for support. The affair was a mistake. If I could do it over, we would have ended our marriages first.

I don't live in the home my husband lived in with his ex. She kept the house.

I genuinely like my step kids. They are good kids. I don't have experience with tweens, I know I'm in over my head. I get that his son is angry, but I don't think that is an excuse to blackmail his stepmother with threats to tell my kids that I'm a homewrecking whore. Come on, none of you would want your young kids hearing that phrase or your tween spewing that phrase.

Yes, I'm going to push for an adjustment in the custody schedule. DH's ex only communicates with him through a coparenting app and wont acknowledge the topic of custody. I'm confident I can get my ex to switch weekends at least, so then there is less overlap and each set of kids gets time with their biological parents without the other kids around.

for the few of you who have been decent in your responses, thank you.

Ahhhh.... so your side of the story is that your DH was justified to have his affair because his wife was sick, and you were justified to have your affair because your then-DH was working his tail off to support his family. The family you wrecked.

Yeah, you were right to leave all of that out initially. It just makes you sound worse (although I didn't think that would even be possible).

New poster. I agree 100 percent. OP, you wrecked a family, taking advantage of someone who was depressed and mentally ill. You don't feel an ounce of regret, which is really sad.

If his kids know the truth, your kids should know too. I think you should sit them down and tell them the truth before someone else does.

OP literally wrote “the affair was a mistake. We should have ended our marriages first.” You’re projecting.

She isn't because OP does NOT feel regret. She thinks they should have ended their marriages first not because of the hurt they caused but because she now realizes that not doing so means the in laws will never welcome her, her stepkids will never accept her, and she's living in a state of constant paranoia of what a 12 year old will tell her kids about her. She's unhappy about all that but still has zero concern at all for how much damage they've done to a LOT of people.

There's zero evidence of any of that. You're still projecting and you should seek help.

[Anonymous]

Details don’t add up. OP’s seven year old would be in school now. Her ex lives 45 minutes away, and she has her kids 50% of the time? How does that work? And their kids are very different ages, but had play dates and birthday parties together over the years?

I dunno, I’m not buying it. I’m ALSO not buying that someone in OP’s situation would actually be posting here for advice.

Either she’s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone remember the famous Vow column that featured the 2 APs and their kids?

https://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/19/fashion/weddings/19vows.html

Oh, I remember them! The cheated-upon spouses weren't consulted for the self-serving story. Here are some comments from one of them

https://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffbercovici/2010/12/21/jilted-ex-blasts-ny-times-over-vows-story-revisionist-history/#4564f9404955

[Anonymous]

APs will always find excuse to justify their behavior. Note that OP posted in relationship forum rather than in family forum? She can dress it anyway she wants, it all reeks of selfishness.

[Anonymous]

Blending families can be one of life’s greatest challenges.

Or stressor.

The Brady Bunch dynamic is merely a 70’s dream.....

Since there is a huge age gap between your kids and his, it is very tough to do much as a family together.
Add in two pre-teens + a conniving ex-wife and the strikes against this ever succeeding can be nil.

I strongly encourage your husband to repair his issue w/his ex as well as his kids.
His kids are not to disrespect you or your kids or there will be consequences.
For example no screen time, cell phone, or extra house chores.

They need to accept this family dynamic and understand you are all a unit now.

If this is too difficult for them to do, then I would encourage your husband to get everyone on board for family counseling.
I am quite sure there are many therapists out there who have plenty of experience working w/the struggles of blended families.

I sincerely wish the very best for everyone involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Blending families can be one of life’s greatest challenges.

Or stressor.

The Brady Bunch dynamic is merely a 70’s dream.....

Since there is a huge age gap between your kids and his, it is very tough to do much as a family together.
Add in two pre-teens + a conniving ex-wife and the strikes against this ever succeeding can be nil.

I strongly encourage your husband to repair his issue w/his ex as well as his kids.
His kids are not to disrespect you or your kids or there will be consequences.
For example no screen time, cell phone, or extra house chores.

They need to accept this family dynamic and understand you are all a unit now.

If this is too difficult for them to do, then I would encourage your husband to get everyone on board for family counseling.
I am quite sure there are many therapists out there who have plenty of experience working w/the struggles of blended families.

I sincerely wish the very best for everyone involved.

If he pushes too hard, he may permanently alienate his children amd they will refuse to spend their weeks at his house. It is very, very difficult to force a teenager onto a custody schedule they oppose.

Really think about what you have done, OP.. You are putting these children through tremendous pain amd conflict with your selfish choices. Slow down and be patient.