Annoyed that I end up looking like the a-hole who missed Christmas

[Anonymous]

Next time you go on vacation, Instacart your groceries to be ready for you when you drive back up. It’s amazing how much stress this alleviates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You prioritized laundry and groceries over his family. It is simple.

Op here:

Using your logic, I could argue that DH prioritized his own family over the needs of his pregnant, working wife.

And you would correct

[Anonymous]

I think what OP and some others are not quite getting is the ADHD angle. OP, your husband was probably not trying to be an asshole. He's not capable of doing better without some better systems and support in place. Yes, this sucks for you. Most grown adults don't need this kind of support. Yours does.

You've gotten some useful suggestions. It will be 100x harder when there are kids. So use the suggestions.

Assigning blame (she should have planned better, she's pregnant and working hard and he's a lazy loser, etc.) is kind of pointless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, the burden of running a household falls entirely on the DW and her failure to plan. Thanks DCUM for your wonderful advice. Now excuse me as I step into my time machine and take all your advice. -OP

You're being a drama queen. A lot of people said your husband was also to blame. It's not either or here. You're both at fault. Grow up and get over it. And good luck with life once the kid arrives.

[Anonymous]

I am OP's side. Groceries and clean clothes were OP's priority once she arrived home. So she misses the party. DH has a lot of nerve being upset over that. If in laws were upset, let DH explain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have planned better. Your husband should not have given you a hard time for not showing up.

The only mistake op made was going to the grocery store. She says they had just returned from vacation. It's Christmas Eve. So, op looked at the situation and made a plan. Her plan was to have her husband, who had the day off, take care of these few very simple tasks.

That said, since dh failed, I would have 1. Put clothes in dryer. 2. Taken a shower. 3. Zipped on over to the inlaw's house. I would have had dh stop for groceries on the way home from the inlaw's house, or had him go first thing in the morning.

Op, by going to the store instead of to their house, you were trying to punish him, right? That's a very passive aggressive way to deal with him.

DING DING DING

OP is annoyed that her plan backfired. She thought her husband would realize the error of his ways but instead she ended up looking like an a-hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This could have all been avoided by better planning. Why plan a vacation that has you coming back so close to Christmas? Couldn't you have taken time off work? Or stock your pantry so you have food? Do laundry on vacation? Any number of things could have been done to prevent this.

How ridiculous. Why do "any number of things" when dh could have easily, EASILY accomplished these few things on his own?

(Op is a social worker. Are you under the impression that people in need of such services can put things on hold on the holidays? No. CPS and elder concern calls INCREASE during the holidays.)

Because obviously this DH cannot easily accomplish these few things. I can't believe this is the first time this has happened. So she knew better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You prioritized laundry and groceries over his family. It is simple.

Op here:

Using your logic, I could argue that DH prioritized his own family over the needs of his pregnant, working wife.

Well that's inarguably true. He did do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have planned better. Your husband should not have given you a hard time for not showing up.

OMG. She DID plan. Her DH blew the plans off.

I sincerely doubt this is the first time her husband has failed to do anything. If it was, she'd probably let it go. So planning by asking a husband who doesn't follow through or look beyond his own nose isn't planning. It's delusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You prioritized laundry and groceries over his family. It is simple.

Op here:

Using your logic, I could argue that DH prioritized his own family over the needs of his pregnant, working wife.

He surely did. 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH’s family all gets together on Christmas evening. I had to work until 6PM and the plan was that I would come home afterwards, get ready, and then stop by DH’s parents house after work. I’m a social worker and had multiple home visits on Christmas Eve and was in serious need of a shower after work.

DH left at 3PM, he had the entire day off. I had asked DH while I was at work to move my laundry, clean the fridge out, and pick up something for Christmas breakfast. We didn’t have anything in the fridge except for food that needed to be thrown out. I didn’t have clean clothes that fit (6 months pregnant and my wardrobe is limited right now). When I got home, my clothes were soaking wet and there was no food in the fridge. We had returned home late from a vacation the evening prior and hadn’t had time to do laundry or grocery shop. I rushed to the grocery store to get some groceries and was home by 7PM because the store was nightmarishly busy and moved the laundry. DH was blowing up my phone the entire time, I hopped in the shower at 7:30 but by the time I got out at 7:45 DH said he was in his way home.

DH complained that I didn’t show up. I didn’t have the time because he a) left me a chores that he was supposed to do and b) he left early! He said everyone was asking where I was. I’m so annoyed. This was not my fault but I end up looking like the one who snubbed Christmas.

DH has ADHD and is easily distracted, I’ve found if I ask him direct tasks he will do them but not all in order or in a timely manner. I’ve forgiven him but seriously frustrated that he couldn’t pull his weight to make my life a little easier.

My spouse does NOT have ADHD, but I wouldn't be shocked if he did this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You prioritized laundry and groceries over his family. It is simple.

Op here:

Using your logic, I could argue that DH prioritized his own family over the needs of his pregnant, working wife.

Well that's inarguably true. He did do that.

To be accurate, he prioritized himself over his wife. His family really didn't have anything to do with it. He had ample time to complete the tasks and it's not like he chose his family over her. He just didn't do any of the things his wife asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am OP's side. Groceries and clean clothes were OP's priority once she arrived home. So she misses the party. DH has a lot of nerve being upset over that. If in laws were upset, let DH explain.

m
Op never indicates anyone is even mad. SHE feels like she looks like she bailed but no firm proof anyone even said that about her. It's reasonable to ask where she is if they thought she was coming but doesn't sound like anyone is mad.

I agree Op should have moved the laundry, gone over, and made the DH stop at the store on the way home. They did need groceries but they didn't need them right at that second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You prioritized laundry and groceries over his family. It is simple.

Op here:

Using your logic, I could argue that DH prioritized his own family over the needs of his pregnant, working wife.

Well that's inarguably true. He did do that.

To be accurate, he prioritized himself over his wife. His family really didn't have anything to do with it. He had ample time to complete the tasks and it's not like he chose his family over her. He just didn't do any of the things his wife asked.

Yes, true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You prioritized laundry and groceries over his family. It is simple.

Op here:

Using your logic, I could argue that DH prioritized his own family over the needs of his pregnant, working wife.

For one big holiday of the year? Fine by me. You’re not a cripple, for God’s sake. Pregnancy is not that special.