Annoyed that I end up looking like the a-hole who missed Christmas

[Anonymous]

I don't agree to events if there is too much going on. I've learned my lesson not to overbook.

It sounds like even if your husband had done all of the stuff you asked, you both still would've been really late.

The best thing to do is RSVP in advance that you can't go because you have to work. Then, if you get out of work early, you text and say you got out early, you pick up a dessert at the store , and head over. That way, it's a bonus that you came.

The reality is that even if you have a valid excuse, people hold it against you if you are late or cancel (even if you say ahead of time that you'll be late). It's better to just RSVP no if you know it's going to be a tight squeeze. The entire thing sounds like poor planning on both your parts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have planned better. Your husband should not have given you a hard time for not showing up.

Why was it her job to plan better? Why can’t the husband, who had the entire day off, be expected to plan, especially given that the visit was to his family?

Because I think it's pretty clear that OP is aware of her husband's limitations. Ergo, she should know she has to plan better around him. My husband is not good at picking out our girls' clothes. He is colorblind and has zero concept of how weather affects clothing choices. If I leave him in charge of picking out their outfits for the Christmas card picture I can't very well be upset if he chooses summer outfits that don't match, now can I? OP should have planned better because it seems like she is aware that asking her husband to do these two things will not work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree to events if there is too much going on. I've learned my lesson not to overbook.

It sounds like even if your husband had done all of the stuff you asked, you both still would've been really late.

The best thing to do is RSVP in advance that you can't go because you have to work. Then, if you get out of work early, you text and say you got out early, you pick up a dessert at the store , and head over. That way, it's a bonus that you came.

The reality is that even if you have a valid excuse, people hold it against you if you are late or cancel (even if you say ahead of time that you'll be late). It's better to just RSVP no if you know it's going to be a tight squeeze. The entire thing sounds like poor planning on both your parts.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have planned better. Your husband should not have given you a hard time for not showing up.

Why was it her job to plan better? Why can’t the husband, who had the entire day off, be expected to plan, especially given that the visit was to his family?

As people said, she set herself up for failure here, even without the trifling husband. Home from vacation on the 23rd, full day or work on the 24th, Christmas Eve dinner after work, and hosting someone for breakfast on the 25th. That's REALLY ambitious.

OP - you are both wrong here. He was wrong for not doing what you asked him to do (or just telling you from the beginning that he wasn't going to), and you were wrong for not altering your plans to be able to do what you committed to. You could have thrown something on, and grabbed the food early Christmas morning. I don't buy the line about not knowing the store was open on Christmas morning. Grocery stores have been open on Christmas for YEARS. It also would have been easy enough to call the store (or look online) for the holiday hours. You thought you were going to prove a point by drying your clothes and going to the store, and then showing up super late. He messed up your plans by coming home earlier than you expected, and yes, you WERE the a$$hole who missed Christmas.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you couldn't have just worn your work clothes over there and stopped for groceries on the way home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you couldn't have just worn your work clothes over there and stopped for groceries on the way home?

She said a few pages back that after wearing them on home visits they are covered in blood, saliva, drugs, fecal matter, snot, etc and she has to basically strip in the garage when she come home. Take that how you will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

question -- I see on the Special Needs board how children with ADHD are successful with the right medication and other supports, so why does it seem adults with ADHD choose not to use medication if it will help one keep on task?

Many of them weren’t diagnosed as kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you couldn't have just worn your work clothes over there and stopped for groceries on the way home?

She said a few pages back that after wearing them on home visits they are covered in blood, saliva, drugs, fecal matter, snot, etc and she has to basically strip in the garage when she come home. Take that how you will.

Uh-huh. So she has NEVER gone out with co-workers after work? Or met her husband for dinner? Or run any errands? That sounds like an excuse to me.

[Anonymous]

Oh, look at that! Another male who was raised believing that ADHD can be used as an excuse to not be a reliable, responsible, functioning person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you couldn't have just worn your work clothes over there and stopped for groceries on the way home?

She said a few pages back that after wearing them on home visits they are covered in blood, saliva, drugs, fecal matter, snot, etc and she has to basically strip in the garage when she come home. Take that how you will.

She's covered in that and she's 6 months pregnant? Good grief that's insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you couldn't have just worn your work clothes over there and stopped for groceries on the way home?

She said a few pages back that after wearing them on home visits they are covered in blood, saliva, drugs, fecal matter, snot, etc and she has to basically strip in the garage when she come home. Take that how you will.

Uh-huh. So she has NEVER gone out with co-workers after work? Or met her husband for dinner? Or run any errands? That sounds like an excuse to me.

Agreed. She makes home visits, not serves search warrants or fights with suspects in custody. Don’t overinflate yourself, OP. I work in the system too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I rarely respond to these threads because I used to be like you and millions of other women are like you ...

Now, with some distance, I can see that much of what you complain about is due to you! Please, OP, take a step back and read your own thread objectively and see what you are doing to yourself - in your acts and, to top it off, your thoughts now.

P.S. There is a lot wrong with what your husband did, but you must start with yourself. Set boundaries now, you are about to become a mother and life will only get crazier.

P.P.S. Merry belated Christmas to you! be kind to yourself

I agree. OP set expectations that were not a priority for her DH and should not have been a priority for her. Making Christmas dinner was more important than showering and changing. Next time, wash your hands, go to dinner and pickup groceries on the way home.