Huge age differences in marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For big age differences, which I consider to be 10 years or greater, I always think it's that the man is rich, or the woman is foreign and wants citizenship, or the woman is just not that attractive and can't find a man her own age (it IS much easier to find an older man than a man your own age). I would never articulate this out loud, I mind my own business about it, but this is what I am thinking when I see a big age difference...

I usually think money or daddy issues.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who married a man 40 years older. She is now 28 and he is 68. They have 2 small boys. They are now separated but living in same house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not necessarily "suspicious"...but often problematic and unhappy in the long run. When you're both still in the 30-55 range, it can be fine and you don't feel the difference so much. But when the older one gets older, a lot of issues begin to arise and the younger one is generally unhappy

This. It's hard to understand the impact of the age difference when you are younger. I was quite attracted to older men when I was in my 20s - men in their late 30's. But I can't fathom being married to a man in his 60's now that I'm almost 50.

Yes, +2. I know of 3 separate women this has happened with. It's just fine (and maybe even great - I know they enjoyed the financial and lifestyle benefits of being married to someone who was 20+ years into his career from a young age) until the guy hits his 50s/60s. But then he's ready to slow down, and be more of a homebody...and the woman is feeling energetic and in her prime. Especially when there are kids involved, resentment multiplies. The woman suddenly feels like she is married to an old man; the man is tired and resents all that is being expected of him. All three women are deeply unhappy and unfulfilled, and the resentment is palpable.

[Anonymous]

My marriage has a huge age gap; 67 and 25. I am a retired fed with a very large pension.

Before I retired I traveled to a Southeast Asian county and met a very attractive 21yo woman. After she learned of my financial situation we agreed to get married.

She takes care of my physical and sexual needs daily and when I die she can collect half of my Federal pension for the rest of her life.

I couldn’t be happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My marriage has a huge age gap; 67 and 25. I am a retired fed with a very large pension.

Before I retired I traveled to a Southeast Asian county and met a very attractive 21yo woman. After she learned of my financial situation we agreed to get married.

She takes care of my physical and sexual needs daily and when I die she can collect half of my Federal pension for the rest of her life.

I couldn’t be happier.

Cool story, bro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My marriage has a huge age gap; 67 and 25. I am a retired fed with a very large pension.

Before I retired I traveled to a Southeast Asian county and met a very attractive 21yo woman. After she learned of my financial situation we agreed to get married.

She takes care of my physical and sexual needs daily and when I die she can collect half of my Federal pension for the rest of her life.

I couldn’t be happier.

So gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I post here whenever this comes up. DH is 29 years older than me. It works for us. He has a history of longevity in his family (mid-late 90s). He plays his sport several times a week and we have a very active sex life. This is 2nd marriage for us both. He’s 64

I’m guessing he’s rich. Otherwise it’s highly improbable this would’ve happened.

So what if he is? I'm betting that PP is a catch in her own way. He wouldn't have wanted her if she was a baby mama to three kids with stretchmarks and a high school diploma.

PP here. He’s comfortable not rich. I’m pretty but not a supermodel. We just fell in love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is a 30 year age gap and a new baby weird? If the man owns a big house and the woman never really got on her feet, but has kids from other relationships? Asking for a friend.

I knew a guy in this situation. He had grown children, and when his parents were killed in an accident, he had some sort of existential crisis. Left his wife, married a woman almost 30 years younger, and had kids with her. He was a really nice guy- our kids were friends, he was great with my kids and very friendly- but most of the people we knew thought it was a bit weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not necessarily "suspicious"...but often problematic and unhappy in the long run. When you're both still in the 30-55 range, it can be fine and you don't feel the difference so much. But when the older one gets older, a lot of issues begin to arise and the younger one is generally unhappy

This. It's hard to understand the impact of the age difference when you are younger. I was quite attracted to older men when I was in my 20s - men in their late 30's. But I can't fathom being married to a man in his 60's now that I'm almost 50.

Yes, +2. I know of 3 separate women this has happened with. It's just fine (and maybe even great - I know they enjoyed the financial and lifestyle benefits of being married to someone who was 20+ years into his career from a young age) until the guy hits his 50s/60s. But then he's ready to slow down, and be more of a homebody...and the woman is feeling energetic and in her prime. Especially when there are kids involved, resentment multiplies. The woman suddenly feels like she is married to an old man; the man is tired and resents all that is being expected of him. All three women are deeply unhappy and unfulfilled, and the resentment is palpable.

These women are crazy to have children with guys in their 50s/60s. I'm 29yo and I can't stand being around small kids so I understand the resentment. Anyway, what you're describing is simple incompatibility. And it's not always age-related. I'm the younger spouse who is a hermit and hates the sun whereas my DH has to say "Hey, we are doing this event!". So it goes both ways. Another perspective I'll offer: The older spouse is usually retired and has more time at home to contribute as a partner in cooking, cleaning and bonding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My marriage has a huge age gap; 67 and 25. I am a retired fed with a very large pension.

Before I retired I traveled to a Southeast Asian county and met a very attractive 21yo woman. After she learned of my financial situation we agreed to get married.

She takes care of my physical and sexual needs daily and when I die she can collect half of my Federal pension for the rest of her life.

I couldn’t be happier.

What are you doing to make her happy? And does it bother you that she is only with you for the money plus room and board?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My marriage has a huge age gap; 67 and 25. I am a retired fed with a very large pension.

Before I retired I traveled to a Southeast Asian county and met a very attractive 21yo woman. After she learned of my financial situation we agreed to get married.

She takes care of my physical and sexual needs daily and when I die she can collect half of my Federal pension for the rest of her life.

I couldn’t be happier.

What are you doing to make her happy? And does it bother you that she is only with you for the money plus room and board?

I am exposing her to a new world. We have seen and done things to gather that she would never be exposed before.
I do believe that she loves and appreciates me and knowing that she will be financially secure and able to take care of her parents makes it ok with me too. Nothing about our marriage bothers me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not necessarily "suspicious"...but often problematic and unhappy in the long run. When you're both still in the 30-55 range, it can be fine and you don't feel the difference so much. But when the older one gets older, a lot of issues begin to arise and the younger one is generally unhappy

This. It's hard to understand the impact of the age difference when you are younger. I was quite attracted to older men when I was in my 20s - men in their late 30's. But I can't fathom being married to a man in his 60's now that I'm almost 50.

Yes, +2. I know of 3 separate women this has happened with. It's just fine (and maybe even great - I know they enjoyed the financial and lifestyle benefits of being married to someone who was 20+ years into his career from a young age) until the guy hits his 50s/60s. But then he's ready to slow down, and be more of a homebody...and the woman is feeling energetic and in her prime. Especially when there are kids involved, resentment multiplies. The woman suddenly feels like she is married to an old man; the man is tired and resents all that is being expected of him. All three women are deeply unhappy and unfulfilled, and the resentment is palpable.

These women are crazy to have children with guys in their 50s/60s. I'm 29yo and I can't stand being around small kids so I understand the resentment. Anyway, what you're describing is simple incompatibility. And it's not always age-related. I'm the younger spouse who is a hermit and hates the sun whereas my DH has to say "Hey, we are doing this event!". So it goes both ways. Another perspective I'll offer: The older spouse is usually retired and has more time at home to contribute as a partner in cooking, cleaning and bonding.

They did not have children with men in their 50s/60s...they (generally) had children with men in their 40s. But the children are still around (as is the accompanying go go go lifestyle) when the men hit their 50s and 60s.

[Anonymous]

I think you have to consider “if money/status was not a factor, is it plausible that these people would be together?”

Basically - if it was purely about looks and personality. I think this is where the “half your age plus seven comes in.” It’s plausible that a 35 year old might be genuinely attracted to a 50 year old, regardless of money. It’s not plausible (in my opinion) that a 20 year old would be attracted to a 70 year old if money wasn’t a factor.

[Anonymous]

Ok, so what about a theory on marriages like Macron?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not necessarily "suspicious"...but often problematic and unhappy in the long run. When you're both still in the 30-55 range, it can be fine and you don't feel the difference so much. But when the older one gets older, a lot of issues begin to arise and the younger one is generally unhappy

This. It's hard to understand the impact of the age difference when you are younger. I was quite attracted to older men when I was in my 20s - men in their late 30's. But I can't fathom being married to a man in his 60's now that I'm almost 50.

Yes, +2. I know of 3 separate women this has happened with. It's just fine (and maybe even great - I know they enjoyed the financial and lifestyle benefits of being married to someone who was 20+ years into his career from a young age) until the guy hits his 50s/60s. But then he's ready to slow down, and be more of a homebody...and the woman is feeling energetic and in her prime. Especially when there are kids involved, resentment multiplies. The woman suddenly feels like she is married to an old man; the man is tired and resents all that is being expected of him. All three women are deeply unhappy and unfulfilled, and the resentment is palpable.

These women are crazy to have children with guys in their 50s/60s. I'm 29yo and I can't stand being around small kids so I understand the resentment. Anyway, what you're describing is simple incompatibility. And it's not always age-related. I'm the younger spouse who is a hermit and hates the sun whereas my DH has to say "Hey, we are doing this event!". So it goes both ways. Another perspective I'll offer: The older spouse is usually retired and has more time at home to contribute as a partner in cooking, cleaning and bonding.

They did not have children with men in their 50s/60s...they (generally) had children with men in their 40s. But the children are still around (as is the accompanying go go go lifestyle) when the men hit their 50s and 60s.

I don't think it's that big of a deal, or even that unusual, to be raising kids in your 50s. I was a teenager when my parents turned 50. Though, I would agree that having new babies after your mid-50s is probably pushing it a bit. You probably want your kids to at least be graduated from high school by your early 60s.

People forget that in the "old days," it was completely normal for parents to have children later in life. Back then, they started young, didn't have birth control, and kept having kids until menopause. Even without IVF, it's not that unusual for women in their early 40s to have kids. This was the NORM up until the 20th Century.