Huge age differences in marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I post here whenever this comes up. DH is 29 years older than me. It works for us. He has a history of longevity in his family (mid-late 90s). He plays his sport several times a week and we have a very active sex life. This is 2nd marriage for us both. He’s 64

I’m guessing he’s rich. Otherwise it’s highly improbable this would’ve happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only time it's a problem is when age-related heath issues affect the older one and the younger one is still raring to go. I know a few women in their early 60's married to 80+ year olds and their lives are very different than mine and I'm the same age with a 65 year old husband. They're not enjoying retirement the way I am.

Interesting. I know of men who complain that they can't find women their age to go hiking with and they're in their 70s. I also think women suffer more health problems in old age than men do, even though women overall live longer but our quality of life in old age is s^*t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I post here whenever this comes up. DH is 29 years older than me. It works for us. He has a history of longevity in his family (mid-late 90s). He plays his sport several times a week and we have a very active sex life. This is 2nd marriage for us both. He’s 64

I’m guessing he’s rich. Otherwise it’s highly improbable this would’ve happened.

So what if he is? I'm betting that PP is a catch in her own way. He wouldn't have wanted her if she was a baby mama to three kids with stretchmarks and a high school diploma.

[Anonymous]

34 age gap between DH and me. He has two sons from a first marriage and both are nice to me. And I think it's because they're men and not women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:34 age gap between DH and me. He has two sons from a first marriage and both are nice to me. And I think it's because they're men and not women.

Maybe they can relate to you well because you are from the same generation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:34 age gap between DH and me. He has two sons from a first marriage and both are nice to me. And I think it's because they're men and not women.

Maybe they can relate to you well because you are from the same generation?

They may be older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:34 age gap between DH and me. He has two sons from a first marriage and both are nice to me. And I think it's because they're men and not women.

Maybe they can relate to you well because you are from the same generation?

They may be older.

Yes, they are older than me by some years. But they don't take it personally. One of them has a much younger gf after his divorce. And I think that's part of why sons react better than daughters (and other women in the family) about remarriages. They don't take things personally and understand that their parents can move on. Women, like my SIL, totally different story. I think it has to do with how women place so much value on social relationships unlike men. You never hear threads on DCUM s%*^*ing on sons-in-law, brothers-in-law, or fathers-in-law by women. It's always women criticizing other women, and if they're criticizing a man, it's very much likely DH. So if you're a woman marrying a man who already has kids, hope that he has sons.

[Anonymous]

I also think women suffer more health problems in old age than men do, even though women overall live longer but our quality of life in old age is s^*t.

This is factually incorrect.

[Anonymous]

Many years ago I worked for an insurance company. I remember one couple where they married when the wife was 16 and the husband was 50, they'd been married 30 years when I met them and seemed happy as clams. Another couple where they married when the husband was 20 and the wife 55. They'd been married 20 years when I met them and also seemed happy.

Then there was the guy who worked in a hardware store, in his 50s and still living with his mom and calling her Mommy. . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are 19 years apart, married at 51 & 32, now are 94 and 75. My dad comes with a family history of longevity (his dad died at 102) but has been dealt some health blows in his life, starting with a heart attack at 67 (I was 9).

It was my dad’s second marriage and my mom’s first. He had children from his first marriage who weren’t much younger than my mom. There was no infidelity involved.

The hardest thing is that up until my grandmother died 5 years ago at 96, my mom was caring for her for @2 years. And then a year or so after my grandmother died my dad started feeling uncomfortable with being home alone for long periods, meaning my mom can’t easily travel. I’m their only child and live across the country. It’s hard for my mom to feel that she can’t visit her grandchildren as much as she’d like.

My dad is in excellent health considering his heart history, and is mentally 100% fine, and just renewed his driver license. He just doesn’t want to stay home alone for a week or so while my mom travels. Fortunately a couple of his kids from his first marriage come to stay with him while she visits once a year or so, but I know she’d like to be able to travel more.

I knew someone in college who was her parents' only child. Her mom was in her mid-70s and her dad in his mid-90s when she was in college.

[Anonymous]

My DH is 11 years older than me. We've been married nearly 20 years. First marriage for both. I think we are happier than a lot of people we know but I do not know if it's age-related. Kids are teens now except with one left in elementary. DH is in better health than I am, unfortunately (I worry about this). He exercises daily.

I do think that in many ways our good marriage was something of a matter of luck. I was pretty young when I met him (just 21) and frankly in hindsight it could have turned out pretty badly because I was too young to really know any better. For his part, he had figured he would never marry.

In any event, we've had many years of a solid marriage and healthwise I am a bigger worry than he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many years ago I worked for an insurance company. I remember one couple where they married when the wife was 16 and the husband was 50, they'd been married 30 years when I met them and seemed happy as clams. Another couple where they married when the husband was 20 and the wife 55. They'd been married 20 years when I met them and also seemed happy.

Then there was the guy who worked in a hardware store, in his 50s and still living with his mom and calling her Mommy. . . .

Yes of course it’s called statutory rape, unless you marry the child. Then it’s just a cute little love story because they were “happy as clams.”

[Anonymous]

For big age differences, which I consider to be 10 years or greater, I always think it's that the man is rich, or the woman is foreign and wants citizenship, or the woman is just not that attractive and can't find a man her own age (it IS much easier to find an older man than a man your own age). I would never articulate this out loud, I mind my own business about it, but this is what I am thinking when I see a big age difference...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For big age differences, which I consider to be 10 years or greater, I always think it's that the man is rich, or the woman is foreign and wants citizenship, or the woman is just not that attractive and can't find a man her own age (it IS much easier to find an older man than a man your own age). I would never articulate this out loud, I mind my own business about it, but this is what I am thinking when I see a big age difference...

Really? I was 22 when I met my then-36 year old husband. We met at work, and while he was "rich" compared to my just-out-of-college lifestyle, he wasn't like old rich oil tycoon rich. I was (and still am) attractive and no trouble dating guys my own age, but really enjoyed it when I started dating my husband. We went interesting places instead of playing beer pong in someone's group home basement. I think there's a difference in marrying someone who has adult children that are your age than a big gap when you are relatively young. It's been 15 years, 2 kids and life is pretty damn great for us.

[Anonymous]

We know one couple where she is the same age as his adult son. From the outside, it seems strange. He's not rich, they are citizens of the same country, there's not "easy" way to explain it. But if you know them, you know it's because they love each other and are very happy together. They have two little kids, she gets along well with his son and his family, and it just works for them. I recognize that this is not the norm.

I know another couple with a 15-20 year age difference, and again, it seems to work for them. It's clearly not because of money, or wanting a green card, or whatever. Again, I recognize that this is not the norm.

My husband is ten years older than I am, which is a meaningful age difference but not crazy. The big effect it's had is that he wanted fewer kids than he did when he was younger, so we have one kid instead of two. But otherwise, it's not been an issue yet. As we age, it's possible that his health will deteriorate before mine, but I know many couples where the younger spouse developed serious health issues first, so there's no guarantee of anything.