Huge age differences in marriage

[Anonymous]

Based on the marriages I’ve seen with 10+ year age gaps (men older than women and both are educated), they seem to work out well. The men have figured out who they are cons shat they like/want and seem to treat their younger wives very well. I married someone my age and often find myself hoping my husband will become more romantic, considerate and empathetic with age. I’ve found older men who’ve been there, done that have those traits, especially if you— their wife or girlfriend—treat them well.

[Anonymous]

**they know what they want/like

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was 30 when I married a 50 year old. Today I'm 62 and he is 82 but he has been in very fragile health since he turned 70. I love him dearly but I know I've missed out on so much that other women my age have enjoyed. He encourages me to go out socially and travel but I feel guilty about doing so. We didn't have children so I often feel very alone.

Even if you did have children, you'd find something to complain about.

DP and that's absurd. Assuming she's in good health and kept in relatively decent shape, a 55/65 year old woman can still lead a very active, vibrant, social and independent life. A 75-85 year old is an old man. Full stop.

Obviously she knew what she was getting into, but this is the price women pay for marrying someone that much older...and it is a steep one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was 30 when I married a 50 year old. Today I'm 62 and he is 82 but he has been in very fragile health since he turned 70. I love him dearly but I know I've missed out on so much that other women my age have enjoyed. He encourages me to go out socially and travel but I feel guilty about doing so. We didn't have children so I often feel very alone.

Even if you did have children, you'd find something to complain about.

DP and that's absurd. Assuming she's in good health and kept in relatively decent shape, a 55/65 year old woman can still lead a very active, vibrant, social and independent life. A 75-85 year old is an old man. Full stop.

Obviously she knew what she was getting into, but this is the price women pay for marrying someone that much older...and it is a steep one.

Like I have mentioned, the divorce rate in this country is 50%. Everyone's casting aspersions about age gap marriages but even if these people didn't have an older/younger partner, they will find something else to complain about. A 62yo man can develop early-onset "Insert-disease-here" and then what would the PP blame it on? Oh my, I married a guy my age and I still ended up playing nursemaid! The reality is that all of us shouldn't be thinking we're superior because we're X years old because we will eventually get older. People do fall sick, get into accidents, so much of life is unpredictable. So to be projecting about people's marital problems based on their ages is just rich.

[Anonymous]

Of course someone who is 20 years old is more likely to get sick and die first. But the reality is that all marriages have unhappy endings. They all end in divorce or death. If you were happily married for 20-30, and it ended when because someone got sick and died, that's about as successful as it gets. Sure people are happily married for longer, but that's increasingly rare these days.

And let's say that your older husband dies when you are in your 50s. Is that so much worse than getting divorced in your 50s, which is what literally half of you will be doing anyway? At least the dead guy will leave you all of his assets without a court battle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course someone who is 20 years old is more likely to get sick and die first. But the reality is that all marriages have unhappy endings. They all end in divorce or death. If you were happily married for 20-30, and it ended when because someone got sick and died, that's about as successful as it gets. Sure people are happily married for longer, but that's increasingly rare these days.

And let's say that your older husband dies when you are in your 50s. Is that so much worse than getting divorced in your 50s, which is what literally half of you will be doing anyway? At least the dead guy will leave you all of his assets without a court battle.

PP here: older, not old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My marriage has a huge age gap; 67 and 25. I am a retired fed with a very large pension.

Before I retired I traveled to a Southeast Asian county and met a very attractive 21yo woman. After she learned of my financial situation we agreed to get married.

She takes care of my physical and sexual needs daily and when I die she can collect half of my Federal pension for the rest of her life.

I couldn’t be happier.

OK. I hope you don't hang around too long: it can't be very pleasant for her having your gross wrinkled sweaty body barreling away on top of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was 30 when I married a 50 year old. Today I'm 62 and he is 82 but he has been in very fragile health since he turned 70. I love him dearly but I know I've missed out on so much that other women my age have enjoyed. He encourages me to go out socially and travel but I feel guilty about doing so. We didn't have children so I often feel very alone.

Even if you did have children, you'd find something to complain about.

DP and that's absurd. Assuming she's in good health and kept in relatively decent shape, a 55/65 year old woman can still lead a very active, vibrant, social and independent life. A 75-85 year old is an old man. Full stop.

Obviously she knew what she was getting into, but this is the price women pay for marrying someone that much older...and it is a steep one.

Like I have mentioned, the divorce rate in this country is 50%. Everyone's casting aspersions about age gap marriages but even if these people didn't have an older/younger partner, they will find something else to complain about. A 62yo man can develop early-onset "Insert-disease-here" and then what would the PP blame it on? Oh my, I married a guy my age and I still ended up playing nursemaid! The reality is that all of us shouldn't be thinking we're superior because we're X years old because we will eventually get older. People do fall sick, get into accidents, so much of life is unpredictable. So to be projecting about people's marital problems based on their ages is just rich.

That stat is from the 1980’s- divorce rate is more like 25% today, but highly variable depending upon education level, age you marry, etc.

[Anonymous]

I know someone with a 22 year gap. For me, that’s not going to be an ideal ending. I don’t want to be sitting home unable to ravel when I’m in my 60s and 70s and he’s 80s/90s. My DH is 8 years older and believe me the age difference comes out. We’ve been married 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No sane guy is going to date a menopausal woman.

Stereotype much? What’s wrong with menopausal women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know someone with a 22 year gap. For me, that’s not going to be an ideal ending. I don’t want to be sitting home unable to ravel when I’m in my 60s and 70s and he’s 80s/90s. My DH is 8 years older and believe me the age difference comes out. We’ve been married 20 years.

Most men don’t live that long anyway. And they tend to die relatively fast when they start to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know someone with a 22 year gap. For me, that’s not going to be an ideal ending. I don’t want to be sitting home unable to ravel when I’m in my 60s and 70s and he’s 80s/90s. My DH is 8 years older and believe me the age difference comes out. We’ve been married 20 years.

So funny. The Rick Steves forum pages are full of older women complaining about bad knees, shortness of breath and lack of stamina in travelling in Europe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course someone who is 20 years old is more likely to get sick and die first. But the reality is that all marriages have unhappy endings. They all end in divorce or death. If you were happily married for 20-30, and it ended when because someone got sick and died, that's about as successful as it gets. Sure people are happily married for longer, but that's increasingly rare these days.

And let's say that your older husband dies when you are in your 50s. Is that so much worse than getting divorced in your 50s, which is what literally half of you will be doing anyway? At least the dead guy will leave you all of his assets without a court battle.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course someone who is 20 years old is more likely to get sick and die first. But the reality is that all marriages have unhappy endings. They all end in divorce or death. If you were happily married for 20-30, and it ended when because someone got sick and died, that's about as successful as it gets. Sure people are happily married for longer, but that's increasingly rare these days.

And let's say that your older husband dies when you are in your 50s. Is that so much worse than getting divorced in your 50s, which is what literally half of you will be doing anyway? At least the dead guy will leave you all of his assets without a court battle.

This!

No...it's not just about them dying earlier / widowing you. It's about being married to an old man (and all the crap that comes with it) for the prime of your lifd

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course someone who is 20 years old is more likely to get sick and die first. But the reality is that all marriages have unhappy endings. They all end in divorce or death. If you were happily married for 20-30, and it ended when because someone got sick and died, that's about as successful as it gets. Sure people are happily married for longer, but that's increasingly rare these days.

And let's say that your older husband dies when you are in your 50s. Is that so much worse than getting divorced in your 50s, which is what literally half of you will be doing anyway? At least the dead guy will leave you all of his assets without a court battle.

This!

No...it's not just about them dying earlier / widowing you. It's about being married to an old man (and all the crap that comes with it) for the prime of your lifd

Life is over for us women past age 50, so what are you talking about???