Reply to Huge age differences in marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not necessarily "suspicious"...but often problematic and unhappy in the long run. When you're both still in the 30-55 range, it can be fine and you don't feel the difference so much. But when the older one gets older, a lot of issues begin to arise and the younger one is generally unhappy [/quote]
This.  It's hard to understand the impact of the age difference when you are younger.  I was quite attracted to older men when I was in my 20s - men in their late 30's.  But I can't fathom being married to a man in his 60's now that I'm almost 50.
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Yes, +2. I know of 3 separate women this has happened with. It's just fine (and maybe even great - I know they enjoyed the financial and lifestyle benefits of being married to someone who was 20+ years into his career from a young age) until the guy hits his 50s/60s. But then he's ready to slow down, and be more of a homebody...and the woman is feeling energetic and in her prime. Especially when there are kids involved, resentment multiplies. The woman suddenly feels like she is married to an old man; the man is tired and resents all that is being expected of him. All three women are deeply unhappy and unfulfilled, and the resentment is palpable. [/quote]

These women are crazy to have children with guys in their 50s/60s. I'm 29yo and I can't stand being around small kids so I understand the resentment. Anyway, what you're describing is simple incompatibility. And it's not always age-related. I'm the younger spouse who is a hermit and hates the sun whereas my DH has to say "Hey, we are doing this event!". So it goes both ways. Another perspective I'll offer: The older spouse is usually retired and has more time at home to contribute as a partner in cooking, cleaning and bonding. [/quote]

They did not have children with men in their 50s/60s...they (generally) had children with men in their 40s. But the children are still around (as is the accompanying go go go lifestyle) when the men hit their 50s and 60s. [/quote]

I don't think it's that big of a deal, or even that unusual, to be raising kids in your 50s. I was a teenager when my parents turned 50. Though, I would agree that having new babies after your mid-50s is probably pushing it a bit. You probably want your kids to at least be graduated from high school by your early 60s.

People forget that in the "old days," it was completely normal for parents to have children later in life. Back then, they started young, didn't have birth control, and kept having kids until menopause. Even without IVF, it's not that unusual for women in their early 40s to have kids. This was the NORM up until the 20th Century. [/quote]

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