S/O - Questions for female cheaters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So are you cheating wives still married? And are you just there in person but gone emotionally? Is it true that once the woman cheats the marriage is over?

I posted earlier. I cheated. I disclosed in the context of saying I wanted to get divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only married woman cheating on my DH even while sleeping with him?

Nope. I have regular sex with my hubby. It’s bland, boring and really quick. I have as much sex as I can with my lover because it’s the complete opposite. I’ve always been a cheater. I didn’t cheat while I was engaged because I wanted to prove to myself that the marriage was the right thing. I did cheat within a month of being married to prove I still had it plus I couldn’t resist my ex who was pissed I got married. I life complicated? Hell yes.

What makes the lover so much better? Is there something the dh can change?

Unfortunately it can’t change - he is just small and not satisfying. I will use my toy with hubby so I can orgasm but he just can’t hit my hot spots when we are together.

Presumably you knew this when you married him...

Asking real questions here. I don't get this. Marry a small guy and then later complain he's small and cheat on him? SMH

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never thought I would cheat, but in the past 7 years, my DH has had sex with me one time. I've asked for us to go to therapy, I've asked if there is something I could change. He always says, next week, or this coming weekend, or has some excuse. It never happens. I finally started having an affair with a man about 6 months ago. It's very infrequent that we get together, but it is something. I don't want to cheat, and I'd much rather be with my husband. I don't want to divorce because of my kids, and to be honest, I'm afraid of being alone.

This completely sounds like me. After a few years of no sex I gave in with a business friend. A few times a year we attend the same conferences and always end up in one of our rooms. I'd love to rekindle our marriage and I keep trying but it's not happening. I have no idea if my husband is cheating and I have no interest in asking him. Other than the no sex things aren't bad at all.

Just out of curiosity, if you guys never have sex, how are you guys "not bad at all"? If I go a month without making love to my DW, I'm feeling pretty darn frustrated and not being able to connect with her intimately.

Because I get my sex elsewhere but certainly not with the desired frequency. DH and I now do have sex a few times a year which is better then it use to be but far from being enough. He's a good provider and a very good father which are both important at this point in my life.

[Anonymous]

1. he has anger issues - mostly around stupid stuff, short fuse
2. he won't go out and do things. Wants to sit on the couch and watch tv 24/7
3. 1 and 2 caused distance
4. distance led to no sex
5. he snores really loud and starting sleeping in the guest bedroom

I have young kids (under 12) so am not going to wreck their lives by getting divorced.
I just do more with the kids and just me and try not to interact with him much at all anymore.

it's called being roommates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So are you cheating wives still married? And are you just there in person but gone emotionally? Is it true that once the woman cheats the marriage is over?

Yes, still married and still doing the wifely duty of 1-2 times sex per week. I am there as a good friend to DH. No, marriage is not over, it is not realistic in my case to divorce and marry my AP. AP is done with marriages. I found the long gone passion with AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So are you cheating wives still married? And are you just there in person but gone emotionally? Is it true that once the woman cheats the marriage is over?

Our marriage isn't over, our love life is. My husband is very successful and he is a very good father who does a good share of the household stuff. I think we are more than roommates because we are really connected and devoted to our children. I play the good corporate spouse at his company events and we have a pretty active social life. After about 12 years we just lost physical interest in each other. It's not something we really argued about since it seems to be mutual. Two years ago I met a very nice guy and we get together about once a month. I sometimes wish I had the same physical desire for my husband as I have for him but it just hasn't happened. My husband travels a lot on business and it wouldn't surprise me if he has cheated. We will be empty nesters in four years and we'll see what happens when we cross that bridge.

[Anonymous]

I'm still married but my marriage is over. Sex ended before the affair. My affair partner and I fell in love. I feel very detached from my husband. He broke my heart 1000 times with his rejection and emotional abandonment. I don't feel I owe him anything, he did so much damage to my life.

But I do owe my kids their home and school and intact life.

So I have my home life and my love life. They're separate and it works for me.

I do find that I'm angrier at my husband now that I have someone who treats me well. It's not hard and it's not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

I've been married for 22 years, no cheating. Before that I had 3 long-term relations and I was unfaithful near the end all of them, because I wanted to put enough emotional distance between myself and my partners in order to finally end the these emotionally-abusive relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I'm still married.
Yes we are having sex.
Yes we were having sex when I was also having an affair.
No I didn't seek out an affair. But I became friends with somebody, I guess when I was vulnerable, because DH and I had let our marriage slide. And then I realized I had a huge crush on this person, and when I told him that, he confessed he had feelings as well and had had them for some months. And so it began. I transferred my emotional life to AP and began a sexual relationship.
Marriage is not fully recovered, but it is better.

Does your DH know you cheated?

Yes.

How did your DH find out? Do u still cheat?

[Anonymous]

Where do you all go to hook up this much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So are you cheating wives still married? And are you just there in person but gone emotionally? Is it true that once the woman cheats the marriage is over?

Our marriage isn't over, our love life is. My husband is very successful and he is a very good father who does a good share of the household stuff. I think we are more than roommates because we are really connected and devoted to our children. I play the good corporate spouse at his company events and we have a pretty active social life. After about 12 years we just lost physical interest in each other. It's not something we really argued about since it seems to be mutual. Two years ago I met a very nice guy and we get together about once a month. I sometimes wish I had the same physical desire for my husband as I have for him but it just hasn't happened. My husband travels a lot on business and it wouldn't surprise me if he has cheated. We will be empty nesters in four years and we'll see what happens when we cross that bridge.

This. We have a great life other than our sex life. DH and I still love each other but the physical interest is gone. Not worth ending a marriage over and we are in our 50s/60s. I expect to grow old with him content and happy. At this point, I don't care if DH cheats and gets his physical needs met elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you/are you cheating in your marriage? Did it happen early in the marriage or later and did you know you’d likely cheat?

Do you look for big dicks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So are you cheating wives still married? And are you just there in person but gone emotionally? Is it true that once the woman cheats the marriage is over?

Our marriage isn't over, our love life is. My husband is very successful and he is a very good father who does a good share of the household stuff. I think we are more than roommates because we are really connected and devoted to our children. I play the good corporate spouse at his company events and we have a pretty active social life. After about 12 years we just lost physical interest in each other. It's not something we really argued about since it seems to be mutual. Two years ago I met a very nice guy and we get together about once a month. I sometimes wish I had the same physical desire for my husband as I have for him but it just hasn't happened. My husband travels a lot on business and it wouldn't surprise me if he has cheated. We will be empty nesters in four years and we'll see what happens when we cross that bridge.

This. We have a great life other than our sex life. DH and I still love each other but the physical interest is gone. Not worth ending a marriage over and we are in our 50s/60s. I expect to grow old with him content and happy. At this point, I don't care if DH cheats and gets his physical needs met elsewhere.

Actually, this all sounds pretty healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm still married but my marriage is over. Sex ended before the affair. My affair partner and I fell in love. I feel very detached from my husband. He broke my heart 1000 times with his rejection and emotional abandonment. I don't feel I owe him anything, he did so much damage to my life.

But I do owe my kids their home and school and intact life. o

So I have my home life and my love life. They're separate and it works for me.

I do find that I'm angrier at my husband now that I have someone who treats me well. It's not hard and it's not rocket science.

ba

Sounds to me like you might be re-writing history. The worse your husband treats you, the more justifiable your affair. Wanting the fun and excitement of sex with someone new while also not wanting to be a bad person who cheats creates some cognitive dissonance. Your mind eases that dissonance by "remembering" how bad your husband was to you. You remember it as being worse than it seemed when you experienced it at the time. That's why you're angrier now than you were when it was actually happening. Not to say this stuff didn't happen at all. You just have a subconscious incentive to juice up the bad and mute the good so that your actions now feel more justified.

[Anonymous]

For those who cheated, was the sex better? What made it better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who cheated, was the sex better? What made it better?

Novelty. Forbidden fruit. Probably very little that can be replicated by a faithful spouse.