How do moms with "big careers" successfully find a balance between kid stuff and self care?

[Anonymous]

My 6 yo got up on stage and when asked "what do you want to be when you grow up?" said: "I want to be a Mom, it looks like so much fun."

Got a lot of awws. I must be doing SOMETHING right in between working 50 hours a week in asset mgmt and traveling 10% of the time.

Being PRESENT for your kids when you are around in the AM, PM, weekends is very important. Do not be on your phone, or computer, or doing housework. Get that outsourced - cleaning, cooking, filing, shopping - by a good nanny or housekeeper.

I sleep 11am to 6:30pm. go a lot of household admin from 8am-11pm. Husband does not, he has ADHD and comes home at 6 or 7pm totally spent from office work. He passes out at 8pm on the couch.
Personally, I do not like the pressure of running everything in the household and getting zero input, or thought, or effort from him. But he has his issues, and those create more issues if I pushed him to be more involved. I tried that the first 5 years of kids, there were a lot of setbacks and arguments.

[Anonymous]

sorry that was china time.

meant 11pm to 6:30am ET am sleeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone here has answered. I have three kids all with specific needs and extremely busy lives, big job, demands from grandparents, and I am very much primary breadwinner although with flexibility on where I am, great dh who equally tries to be everywhere with kids but his job is less stressful and less remunerative. The self care is the big problem. Exercise and sleep especially. I am now 51 and it is taking a toll. I do worry about my heart health etc. That is the hardest part.

Take care of this! Not to put more pressure on you but you need to be well in order to be present. Make sure you're getting in to the doctor and that you take a little time for you!!!

[Anonymous]

Sometimes self care is disguised as family fun. We run, walk, bike local trails. Go to the swimming pool. Have quiet reading time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes self care is disguised as family fun. We run, walk, bike local trails. Go to the swimming pool. Have quiet reading time.

+1. I don't have a "big job" more middle management and lots of flex but still think most people even SAHMs can struggle with family time and self care and making it to everything.

I take nightly walks with my oldest (even in the winter when it's dark) and that's when she really opens up, plus i'm getting some exercise. I do reading snuggle time with my 7 year old - we both lay in my bed before her bedtime, snuggled up close, and read our separate books. Really comforting and calming for us both.

I am biased as I'm hugely interested in nutrition and it's impact on health, but I don't think non-low-income people have an excuse about not eating right. If you get into a routine, it doesn't take more time than eating crappy. You have to meal plan a bit on the weekends. You make big batches so you cook half the time. We do lots of green smoothies, quick healthy yummy salads. Cut up veggies and healthy dips. Tons of healthy quick snacks I pack for days in the office.

OP can you do a WFH day? I have two a week and it's HUGE. Collaborating is great but no one needs to collaborate every day all day. Sometimes it's nice to have a day to actually get work done on your own.

[Anonymous]

I don't remember my parents having to come to week day school events at all-- I just don't remember those existing. My mom worked and I never really thought much of it. My daughter barely seems to notice either- she asked the other day if I work. That cracked me up since I'm always so stressed about work-life balance and she's barely even noticing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read Laura Vanderkam - her book, I Know How She Does It, and new podcast.

I was a SAHM mom for years and I rarely went to camp performances and I never would have gone to hang out at a practice. You really don't need to hit everything.

+1. The best if both worlds podcast really helps me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom with a “big career” here. Supportive husband who attends most of the school stuff.

He is amazing.

Just want to give credit to dads who rarely get it on DCUM. You guys are the best. My husband does it all, works, cooks, attends school events and basically keeps us going.

+1. Thank goodness for today’s dads. My DH is awesome and is the reason I can have a “medium” job

[Anonymous]

Don't take this out of your sleep. I try to calendar things out and do a balance. Can't make this soccer game? I have the 3rd one calendared for October and Dad will be there for the 2nd. A lot of the back-to-school events are very optional so don't sweat a lot of those. We switched to a shared family calendar and clearly designate which kid events need a parent and assign which will go based on work schedules (or if both need to be there - like teacher conferences, we both make it happen).

Also think about how you talk about your work with your kids. If your kid is upset you aren't at a soccer practice, then you may be indicating to him in your interactions that you aren't comfortable with your decisions and trade-offs and he is picking up on that. My kids know that I love my job and that it energizes me in many ways. (I think) they like seeing me in that role and they would never make me feel guilty for not making to a practice. They are very aware that I work very hard to make it to (most) games and I think I've made it to all performances. But I would never attend a practice (DH has gone to a few because the sports development is just interesting to him - but only occasionally).

Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

I have a lady who works for me is juggling too much. It is politically incorrect and not allowed but she is an annoyance to everyone. Three kids under 4 and a non supporative husband is making my whole dept missable. Three workers already told me she needs to go. But I can't.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you should stress yourself out about attending a soccer practice. Actual games or performances of some kind sure, but practice? No.

[Anonymous]

Lady, all of us have "big careers". You aren't special. Figure out your life, what your priorities are and then implement them in order of importance. We all have to deal with sports and camps and music lessons and school projects, etc. We all bring work home. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Op, the juggling is really hard. You can’t be in two places at the same time. I agree with recommendations above — bring your laptop when you can, Uber if you can work while you drive, and maybe one really long day a week would help you get it all done when you need to be out for school events. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

You have to prioritize what is going to get done & what's going to slide. Make your peace with your it.

Here's what we do and no, we don't do everything:
(1) Au pair who provides flexible child care hours. We couldn't both have high-travel, full-time jobs without it. There's always at least one parent home in a given week but neither of us could handle both drop off & pick up by ourselves given work schedules. She only works 25 hrs/wk during school weeks but works up to 45/wk in the summer + covers snow days as needed.
(2) We sign the kids up for part-day summer camps to buy us flexibility in the summer, as we would otherwise be up against our au pair hour cap.
(3) I batch cook on Sundays: make my breakfasts & lunches for the work week + a main course or two for family dinners. This keeps me eating healthier & reducing week night dinner stress.
(4) I find ways to take care of myself after the kids are in bed. I follow the 10 step Korean skincare routine at night & work out at 5:30am M-F to keep myself fit. With all of that, I feel pretty pampered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read Laura Vanderkam - her book, I Know How She Does It, and new podcast.

I was a SAHM mom for years and I rarely went to camp performances and I never would have gone to hang out at a practice. You really don't need to hit everything.

+1. The best if both worlds podcast really helps me.

I just started to listening to this podcast - it is great