How do moms with "big careers" successfully find a balance between kid stuff and self care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a lady who works for me is juggling too much. It is politically incorrect and not allowed but she is an annoyance to everyone. Three kids under 4 and a non supporative husband is making my whole dept missable. Three workers already told me she needs to go. But I can't.

Your office sounds so horrible.

NP Nope. This employee sounds horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, my work has to be done regardless, and everything else is somewhat negotiable. Back to school time has thrown a million events my way that are making things so hard. I have kids at two different schools and have no less than seven events during work hours over a 2.5 week period. This stuff is so hard for me, but I have to go, and so I will make it work.

Where that leaves me is the more negotiable other stuff. The first rec soccer practice that normally I'd try to attend and I know a ton of parents will be there, and my kid will be upset that he is one of the only ones (maybe the only one) with a nanny there instead of mom. Or Friday's camp performance, same deal. I could technically make this stuff work, but I get such little sleep as it is and I just don't know where to draw the line. I am feeling mom guilt in the biggest way right now. I don't know how everyone does it. If I go to the performance and soccer practice and whatever else comes up, that time will truly come out of my sleep, which already hovers around 5-6 hrs/night (because I will have to work late(r) at night to make up for it).

"Everyone" DOESN'T do it. Stop kidding yourselves, people. No one is supermom. Or superdad. But lots of people try to pretend they have it all. They don't. Believe me. When I was a nanny, the mother would take the pictures that I shared of her child, and post them on Facebook pretending that she was doing fun things with her child that weekend. It's really quite sad. Most of everything gets outsourced, especially the children.

Out of all of these posts, is the one I belief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, where is the father in the picture? Why can't he help you "Lean In"?

Yeah! Your kids will need therapy when they grow up due to mommy dearest issues, but you knew that. They do come second to your job. You have a nanny in the place of a mother. It would work if the father was in the picture, but hey, they are your kids, and you are free to fucck them up.

I'm the breadwinner in my family and I am very upfront that my job comes first. Yes it does. I don't ask myself what to do if a work obligation or travel commitment conflicts with a performance or a recital. Would this fucck my kids up? It may, or may not. But losing the house, going hungry and getting deported would fucck them up even more so I pick the lesser of evils and feel completely comfortable about it.

The other option - Don't put yourself in the position where you have to put a job over your children.

Umm, what? How exactly does that work - does money just fall from a tree in your yard? I know of no families where neither parent work.

You can work and still make your children the priority. Millions of us do it.

No, it’s not. That’s just wishful thinking. Your kid is a hobby you spend time with on nights and weekend. Your kid is a hobby.

[Anonymous]

No balance. I was near mental breakdown at many times. Career always had to come first. I paid "on call" sitters for years, whether they worked or not. I needed them " just in case."

[Anonymous]

OP, don’t let the mom guilt get you down. These activities won’t shape who your child is, the values you teach and show them shape who they are. I’m one of five children of a single, working mom (high powered professional), and her lack of appearance at school events made me very very self motivated. If nobody is hovering over you, you learn faster. I love my Mom deeply and am very close to her. Good luck and see if you can turn back the dial a smidge at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, where is the father in the picture? Why can't he help you "Lean In"?

Yeah! Your kids will need therapy when they grow up due to mommy dearest issues, but you knew that. They do come second to your job. You have a nanny in the place of a mother. It would work if the father was in the picture, but hey, they are your kids, and you are free to fucck them up.

I'm the breadwinner in my family and I am very upfront that my job comes first. Yes it does. I don't ask myself what to do if a work obligation or travel commitment conflicts with a performance or a recital. Would this fucck my kids up? It may, or may not. But losing the house, going hungry and getting deported would fucck them up even more so I pick the lesser of evils and feel completely comfortable about it.

The other option - Don't put yourself in the position where you have to put a job over your children.

Umm, what? How exactly does that work - does money just fall from a tree in your yard? I know of no families where neither parent work.

You can work and still make your children the priority. Millions of us do it.

No, it’s not. That’s just wishful thinking. Your kid is a hobby you spend time with on nights and weekend. Your kid is a hobby.

I'm seeing you all over the place tonight. Nothing good on TV?

[Anonymous]

They don’t OP. Something always has to give.

[Anonymous]

OP, I bet people see YOU as someone who is doing a great job of balancing/doing it all. They just don’t realize you are unhappy and not sleeping. I’m sure a lot of people you admire as good balancers are actually in a similar situation as you.