My husband is very stupid

[Anonymous]

My ex was very much like this and without kids. About a year after we broke up he was diagnosed with MS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you carried him for a decade, you saw signs of this before the child. Don't come on here with your sanctimonious BS and think we cannot see through your farce.

OP here. Wow, if I had known you were here, I wouldn’t have tried fooling everyone with my sanctimonious BS. My apologies! Bye now.

[Anonymous]

He needs a simple simple life and you deserve a better life.


Read those adhd marriage books and have him read them. Then decide to tackle this together or go separate ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do the man a favor and let him go. He will blossom once he has his freedom back and does not have to endure your taunting ridicule. Set him free!!!

OP here. Yes, I have no doubt my “taunting ridicule” (no redundancy there) is why he can’t grocery shop. There’s a high-functioning executive just waiting to burst out of him, but he has hidden it so carefully that everyone is fooled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs a simple simple life and you deserve a better life.


Read those adhd marriage books and have him read them. Then decide to tackle this together or go separate ways.

OP here. I am still convinced this is more laziness and stupidity than ADHD. Regardless, I can’t die on the cross for him and I will not do more than I am already doing. I am going to stay until DD is old enough for me not to know I am being irresponsible to leave her alone with him.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

The suggestions in this thread are killing what little hope I have. They all boil down to re-raising this man-child and sending him to therapy/treatment while I continue to slave, in the hopes he may be remotely useful one day. And that is even assuming I can convince him he needs help. All of this is a huge ask and not feasible in our current lives.

I know the “right” thing to say here is that I am going to spend what little free time I have helping him get better, but I can’t do this. I cannot parent this helpless adult. I have carried him for almost a decade now and am out of patience and love. I am angry and tired and wish I had never met him. It is simply not fair to ask women (who would ask this of a man?) to take on so much.

I have about 5 years to go until DD is old enough to take care of herself in a shared custody scenario. In the meantime, I am ready to give up on him and cheat to get by.

[/quote]

OP, THE ONLY THING YOU NEED CAN DO AT THE MOMENT IS, don't have another baby with HIM!
Wait and see if things get better when your child is older, but repeat, DO NOT HAVE another baby...get help for yourself and make your life easier for yourself, you are over tried, you need rest!
[/quote]
OP here. Thank you. There is not a chance in hell I am having another child with him and restarting the clock on all this misery. I find myself wishing we didn’t even have the one child. She was an oopsie and I love her, but if not for her, I would be long gone.[/quote]
An oopsie? Let me guess, you relied on him for the birth control.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]
An oopsie? Let me guess, you relied on him for the birth control. [/quote]
OP here. No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He needs a simple simple life and you deserve a better life.


Read those adhd marriage books and have him read them. Then decide to tackle this together or go separate ways.

OP here. I am still convinced this is more laziness and stupidity than ADHD. Regardless, I can’t die on the cross for him and I will not do more than I am already doing. I am going to stay until DD is old enough for me not to know I am being irresponsible to leave her alone with him.

Well, since he is so apparently incompetent, I'm sure you will get sole custody! Keep track of all his failures and tell it all to the judge. I'm sure you will come across as sane and reasonable. (not)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, it felt good to get that off my chest. I am ashamed to confide in people what an idiot I married. Having said that, I guess my question is whether it is wrong to break up my daughter’s family over this.

I am like a single parent of one child and one half-wit adult. The stress of it all is killing me.

He's dead weight, OP. This isn't sustainable. He's going to fu** up horribly at some point and you'll regret not leaving him. Your child will be better off. You do not want her growing up thinking this is what a "man" is.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure if he has to pay for a nanny instead you forking over the money, he might just improve.

[Anonymous]

Troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll

Yup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He needs a simple simple life and you deserve a better life.


Read those adhd marriage books and have him read them. Then decide to tackle this together or go separate ways.

OP here. I am still convinced this is more laziness and stupidity than ADHD. Regardless, I can’t die on the cross for him and I will not do more than I am already doing. I am going to stay until DD is old enough for me not to know I am being irresponsible to leave her alone with him.

I actually think you’re really enjoying “dying on the cross” over this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll

Yup

OP here. Good God, I wish I was. I am so mad this is my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is also lazy.

I think the nice way to put this would be something like “exhibits deficits in executive functioning” and is “inattentive,” but the truth is that he is a stupid and lazy man. In decisions big and small, he doesn’t have any ideas, asks me questions like “what should we do?” as if I have a manual, and shuts down easily. When crises hit, I am both the idea person and the doer. I can’t entrust tasks to him because the simplest job is an opportunity to shirk, forget, or make some idiotic mistake I couldn’t even imagine was possible.

Before we had a child and all sorts of difficulties hit, his deficits were well hidden. He was slow to do basic things, but there was not nearly as much to do. And I am a very energetic, take-charge person who naturally assumes responsibility. Now, however, there is simply too much for me to take on, no matter how much energy I have. I work 60-80 hour weeks, while he works no more than 40. Yet, I have to do most things.

He can’t be trusted with our child’s appointments because when he goes, he checks out and forgets to tell the doctor important information and then forgets what the doctor told him. He can’t be trusted with our child’s medication because it is a controlled substance with a precise dose and he likes to pour “roughly” enough. He forgets to feed her when I’m not home. He can’t even grocery shop.

It has gotten to the point at which I struggle to talk to him with respect, which makes him even more nervous and helpless. I have never heard of sheer stupidity as a ground for divorce, but that is where I am.

OP, I have seen husbands from top colleges act the same way. What you are talking about is lack of common sense and lack of initiative. It could be said about lots of men. Don't think that your husband lacks brains because he acts this way, that is not the problem. Just so you are aware.