Is it OK to tell DD that it is OK not to be pretty?

[Anonymous]

I know this is trite, but I would say something like..

You know how your favorite color is green and someone else's favorite color is blue, well, everyone has a different opinion about what is their favorite, or what is "pretty", or what their favorite ice cream flavor is. Some people like blue eyes, other green eyes; some people like blonde hair, others black hair. So, you are beautiful, maybe not to everyone, but you are to me, and there will be others who will think you are beautiful, too.

As you get older, your beauty fades. The only beauty that will last is the beauty on the inside. And for many, a beautiful person on the inside makes the person look beautiful on the outside too. It's like a light shining from the inside out. This is the only real beauty that will last a lifetime.

I know.. trite, but this is how I explained it to my 8 yr old DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had a son, it would be easy to say that accumulating wealth and job success will be all that is needed. That’s hardly the case for most women, though.

Fathers have th "motion in the ocean" talk with their sons.

? What is that?

[Anonymous]

We as a society have to expand our definition of beauty. I think there’s something attractive about almost everyone. Maybe an otherwise “plain” girl’s eyes light up when she’s excited about the next basketball game or the book club choice. Or whatever. And she’s beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had a son, it would be easy to say that accumulating wealth and job success will be all that is needed. That’s hardly the case for most women, though.

Fathers have th "motion in the ocean" talk with their sons.

? What is that?

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=it%20ain%27t%20all%20about%20the%20size%20of%20the%20boat%2C%20it%27s%20about%20the%20motion%20in%20the%20ocean

[Anonymous]

Beauty comes from the inside. If you are ugly inside, it will show up on your face. How do you know that you're average, OP? Maybe you are truly beautiful to many people, and you do not realize it. I wouldn't say anything to your daughter? if I were you. Teach her to be beautiful on the inside. She will be stunning.

[Anonymous]

I think we all understand that there’s more to life than looks, but I think many of you are missing the point. Sure, you can tell your daughter that, and all the platitudes in the world “beauty is only skin deep, it’s better to be kind/smart/etc.). But the real question is: should we tell our daughters they’re beautiful (or our sons/handsome). The answer is, unequivocally, YES!

Any child who is told, “Oh honey, looks don’t matter, it’s so much more important to be smart and well-rounded,” blah blah blah, is absolutely going to realize that his or her parents don’t think they’re attractive. That’s what this comes down to. And if you love your children, you will make them feel secure in ALL ways. Tell them they’re beautiful. Otherwise they will internalize the message your sending them for the rest of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is trite, but I would say something like..

You know how your favorite color is green and someone else's favorite color is blue, well, everyone has a different opinion about what is their favorite, or what is "pretty", or what their favorite ice cream flavor is. Some people like blue eyes, other green eyes; some people like blonde hair, others black hair. So, you are beautiful, maybe not to everyone, but you are to me, and there will be others who will think you are beautiful, too.

As you get older, your beauty fades. The only beauty that will last is the beauty on the inside. And for many, a beautiful person on the inside makes the person look beautiful on the outside too. It's like a light shining from the inside out. This is the only real beauty that will last a lifetime.

I know.. trite, but this is how I explained it to my 8 yr old DD.

Oh dear God. Just tell her of course she is! This is not hard, people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had a son, it would be easy to say that accumulating wealth and job success will be all that is needed. That’s hardly the case for most women, though.

Fathers have th "motion in the ocean" talk with their sons.

? What is that?

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=it%20ain%27t%20all%20about%20the%20size%20of%20the%20boat%2C%20it%27s%20about%20the%20motion%20in%20the%20ocean

I don't think my DH or my son would want this kind of conversation. LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is trite, but I would say something like..

You know how your favorite color is green and someone else's favorite color is blue, well, everyone has a different opinion about what is their favorite, or what is "pretty", or what their favorite ice cream flavor is. Some people like blue eyes, other green eyes; some people like blonde hair, others black hair. So, you are beautiful, maybe not to everyone, but you are to me, and there will be others who will think you are beautiful, too.

As you get older, your beauty fades. The only beauty that will last is the beauty on the inside. And for many, a beautiful person on the inside makes the person look beautiful on the outside too. It's like a light shining from the inside out. This is the only real beauty that will last a lifetime.

I know.. trite, but this is how I explained it to my 8 yr old DD.

Oh dear God. Just tell her of course she is! This is not hard, people!

I will not lie to my child about her looks or her abilities, but I did tell her that to me she is beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure how this translates into parenting advice, but as a woman now in my early 50s, I am very glad that I got the message early on not to rely on my looks.

Yep, if you have talents and skills, you'll have a whole lot leftover to be proud of once your beauty starts to fade.

I’m sure your daughter will appreciate hearing, “Don’t worry honey! At least you have skills to fall back on!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we all understand that there’s more to life than looks, but I think many of you are missing the point. Sure, you can tell your daughter that, and all the platitudes in the world “beauty is only skin deep, it’s better to be kind/smart/etc.). But the real question is: should we tell our daughters they’re beautiful (or our sons/handsome). The answer is, unequivocally, YES!

Any child who is told, “Oh honey, looks don’t matter, it’s so much more important to be smart and well-rounded,” blah blah blah, is absolutely going to realize that his or her parents don’t think they’re attractive. That’s what this comes down to. And if you love your children, you will make them feel secure in ALL ways. Tell them they’re beautiful. Otherwise they will internalize the message your sending them for the rest of their lives.

I tell my kids they are beautiful, but they respond, "You have to say that because you are my mom". Kids aren't that dumb. You need to be honest in a tactful way. And yes, I tell them about how beauty is fleeting and it's only skin deep, though in a much more nicer, thoughtful way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure how this translates into parenting advice, but as a woman now in my early 50s, I am very glad that I got the message early on not to rely on my looks.

Yep, if you have talents and skills, you'll have a whole lot leftover to be proud of once your beauty starts to fade.

I’m sure your daughter will appreciate hearing, “Don’t worry honey! At least you have skills to fall back on!”

DP.. but it's true and something every child needs to learn eventually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is trite, but I would say something like..

You know how your favorite color is green and someone else's favorite color is blue, well, everyone has a different opinion about what is their favorite, or what is "pretty", or what their favorite ice cream flavor is. Some people like blue eyes, other green eyes; some people like blonde hair, others black hair. So, you are beautiful, maybe not to everyone, but you are to me, and there will be others who will think you are beautiful, too.

As you get older, your beauty fades. The only beauty that will last is the beauty on the inside. And for many, a beautiful person on the inside makes the person look beautiful on the outside too. It's like a light shining from the inside out. This is the only real beauty that will last a lifetime.

I know.. trite, but this is how I explained it to my 8 yr old DD.

Oh dear God. Just tell her of course she is! This is not hard, people!

I will not lie to my child about her looks or her abilities, but I did tell her that to me she is beautiful.

That obviously means she is not beautiful. Your child is not dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we all understand that there’s more to life than looks, but I think many of you are missing the point. Sure, you can tell your daughter that, and all the platitudes in the world “beauty is only skin deep, it’s better to be kind/smart/etc.). But the real question is: should we tell our daughters they’re beautiful (or our sons/handsome). The answer is, unequivocally, YES!

Any child who is told, “Oh honey, looks don’t matter, it’s so much more important to be smart and well-rounded,” blah blah blah, is absolutely going to realize that his or her parents don’t think they’re attractive. That’s what this comes down to. And if you love your children, you will make them feel secure in ALL ways. Tell them they’re beautiful. Otherwise they will internalize the message your sending them for the rest of their lives.

I tell my kids they are beautiful, but they respond, "You have to say that because you are my mom". Kids aren't that dumb. You need to be honest in a tactful way. And yes, I tell them about how beauty is fleeting and it's only skin deep, though in a much more nicer, thoughtful way.

Of course they’re not dumb! They also don’t really want to know that they’re unattractive! Telling them the truth about their looks is not a kindness. At all.

[Anonymous]

I just don't understand how any of you guys can think your kids are not beautiful. I look at my kids and I know they are absolutely gorgeous. They bring a smile to my face every day; how could I find that not beautiful? I'm sure it's not objective (it's not supposed to be), but I thought everyone felt this way about their kids.