I lost my daughter to her controlling BF and now I am losing my house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter has borderline personality disorder. She has no sense of self and is waffling between being completely dependent on you and completely dependent on her boyfriend for her identity. I agree with getting yourself to therapy to figure out how to drop the codependent relationship from your end.

How did you come to that diagnosis?

Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment
Multiple unstable relationships
Self harm
Impulsive behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter has borderline personality disorder. She has no sense of self and is waffling between being completely dependent on you and completely dependent on her boyfriend for her identity. I agree with getting yourself to therapy to figure out how to drop the codependent relationship from your end.

How did you come to that diagnosis?

Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment
Multiple unstable relationships
Self harm
Impulsive behavior

The last two could be anything. ADHD with depression etc.
Where is she trying to avoid abandonment? Seems SHE is abandoning her parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter has borderline personality disorder. She has no sense of self and is waffling between being completely dependent on you and completely dependent on her boyfriend for her identity. I agree with getting yourself to therapy to figure out how to drop the codependent relationship from your end.

How did you come to that diagnosis?

Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment
Multiple unstable relationships
Self harm
Impulsive behavior

Also, she has an enmeshed relationship with her mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter has borderline personality disorder. She has no sense of self and is waffling between being completely dependent on you and completely dependent on her boyfriend for her identity. I agree with getting yourself to therapy to figure out how to drop the codependent relationship from your end.

How did you come to that diagnosis?

Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment
Multiple unstable relationships
Self harm
Impulsive behavior

The last two could be anything. ADHD with depression etc.
Where is she trying to avoid abandonment? Seems SHE is abandoning her parents.

She doesn't want to be abandoned by the boyfriend. She is willing to give up her whole identity not to lose him. And people don't self harm with depression and ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter has borderline personality disorder. She has no sense of self and is waffling between being completely dependent on you and completely dependent on her boyfriend for her identity. I agree with getting yourself to therapy to figure out how to drop the codependent relationship from your end.

How did you come to that diagnosis?

The daughter has traumatic brain injury, or did you miss that part?

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you buy the house from he trust, OP?

[Anonymous]

TBI at age 2 and you bought a house an car - that's what I can't get past.

If it was my 2 yr old, I would have used the money to find the best most promising therapeutic treatments available and treatment facilities. Hyperbaric oxygen treatment, whatever. I think the potential of a 2 yr old recovering more functionality than say a 20 yr old is true and I would have researched and pursued it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I never said I thought the money was mine, I put it in the trust for her for that reason , with a trust fund only the attorney decides how its spent not me or anyone else and as I said losing the house is the least of my worries , my husband makes good money and the house is not an issue.

The title of your post includes "and now I am losing my house" so yea, you did imply the money was yours since the home was purchased with that money. Sorry but the backpedaling to make it seem like you're only concerned for your daughter when the title of your post is all about the impact to you seems disingenuous at best.

I agree with the 01/13/2018 15:27 PP and I'd love you hear how your daughter would describe your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter has borderline personality disorder. She has no sense of self and is waffling between being completely dependent on you and completely dependent on her boyfriend for her identity. I agree with getting yourself to therapy to figure out how to drop the codependent relationship from your end.

How did you come to that diagnosis?

The daughter has traumatic brain injury, or did you miss that part?

Doesnt that make it more likely she will have emotional instability and a personality disorder?

[Anonymous]

She had a TBI at age 2. I have had 2 TBIs at 17 and 20 and it’s would be pretty rich to say they cause my family problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter has borderline personality disorder. She has no sense of self and is waffling between being completely dependent on you and completely dependent on her boyfriend for her identity. I agree with getting yourself to therapy to figure out how to drop the codependent relationship from your end.

How did you come to that diagnosis?

The daughter has traumatic brain injury, or did you miss that part?

Doesnt that make it more likely she will have emotional instability and a personality disorder?

Yes, in part. It does not mean she has borderline personality, it means she has TBI and the physical and emotional sequalae from that. People on here need to stop armchair diagnosing and start co side ring the pathology what has already been explained. She may have concurrent illness/disorder, but chances are her reactions are only the result of the normal behaviors and lability expected from TBI.

[Anonymous]

Have you spoke with the trustee? There is no reason to believe that a pregnant 18 yo with a brain injury is stable enough to purchase property. That's crazy. At the same time, there are good reasons to maintain the family home, even if she's not living there. For instance, maintaining the family home would allow her to be able to move home if her current relationship ends. That's what most 18 yos would do. Absent abuse it seems like the trust should maintain the status quo while paying rent for your dd for a while until things settle down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter has borderline personality disorder. She has no sense of self and is waffling between being completely dependent on you and completely dependent on her boyfriend for her identity. I agree with getting yourself to therapy to figure out how to drop the codependent relationship from your end.

How did you come to that diagnosis?

The daughter has traumatic brain injury, or did you miss that part?

Doesnt that make it more likely she will have emotional instability and a personality disorder?

Yes, in part. It does not mean she has borderline personality, it means she has TBI and the physical and emotional sequalae from that. People on here need to stop armchair diagnosing and start co side ring the pathology what has already been explained. She may have concurrent illness/disorder, but chances are her reactions are only the result of the normal behaviors and lability expected from TBI.

Really? This is a teenage girl who is cutting, in an emotionally abusive relationship, pregnant, and vascilating between cutting off her parents and going to live with them. Does this seem normal to you?
As I said, the OP needs to recognize that she and her daughter have a messed up relationship, and the OP needs to change her part in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter has borderline personality disorder. She has no sense of self and is waffling between being completely dependent on you and completely dependent on her boyfriend for her identity. I agree with getting yourself to therapy to figure out how to drop the codependent relationship from your end.

How did you come to that diagnosis?

The daughter has traumatic brain injury, or did you miss that part?

Doesnt that make it more likely she will have emotional instability and a personality disorder?

Yes, in part. It does not mean she has borderline personality, it means she has TBI and the physical and emotional sequalae from that. People on here need to stop armchair diagnosing and start co side ring the pathology what has already been explained. She may have concurrent illness/disorder, but chances are her reactions are only the result of the normal behaviors and lability expected from TBI.

Really? This is a teenage girl who is cutting, in an emotionally abusive relationship, pregnant, and vascilating between cutting off her parents and going to live with them. Does this seem normal to you?
As I said, the OP needs to recognize that she and her daughter have a messed up relationship, and the OP needs to change her part in it.

Who said anything about “normal”.

What part of TRAUMATIC brain injury is lost on you? Do you know what happens to a brain when it’s injured? It means life is never the same.

As you can’t seem to use common sense, medical science, or the Google, you can refer to some of these, or you can research yourself:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7874099

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3927143/

http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.3109/02699059509004574?journalCode=ibij20

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you spoke with the trustee? There is no reason to believe that a pregnant 18 yo with a brain injury is stable enough to purchase property. That's crazy. At the same time, there are good reasons to maintain the family home, even if she's not living there. For instance, maintaining the family home would allow her to be able to move home if her current relationship ends. That's what most 18 yos would do. Absent abuse it seems like the trust should maintain the status quo while paying rent for your dd for a while until things settle down.

Problem is OP should have set up guardianship before DDs 18th and didn’t.