Multi-generation Princeton double-legacy. DC doesn't want to go there...help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why don't they understand that it's BECAUSE of your family legacy there that he doesn't want to go? There will be siblings or cousins who will go, so no worries, his generation of the family will be represented there.

I would encourage him to branch out.

But then I suspect that the reason you're all pressuring him is that you're afraid he won't get into an Ivy without his legacy status

OP here. This is not why at all. He intends to apply to places like HYS, other ivies etc anyway. He is a very competitive and accomplished kid in his own right, near the very top of his class. However, he hasn't won an international award or something super extraordinary to guarantee him admission at HYS. At Princeton our legacy status differentiates him from other similarly qualified kids. The other reason the family is pressuring him is that they want him to carry on the tradition, which I understand sounds outlandish to most. You need to understand that a family with such a long tradition in a specific school eventually develops a kind of warped perception of reality. For most of my family members it is as if there was no other college in the world other than Princeton.

Well, then, time to break the chain, unless you plan to visit this delusion upon his children, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why don't they understand that it's BECAUSE of your family legacy there that he doesn't want to go? There will be siblings or cousins who will go, so no worries, his generation of the family will be represented there.

I would encourage him to branch out.

But then I suspect that the reason you're all pressuring him is that you're afraid he won't get into an Ivy without his legacy status

OP here. This is not why at all. He intends to apply to places like HYS, other ivies etc anyway. He is a very competitive and accomplished kid in his own right, near the very top of his class. However, he hasn't won an international award or something super extraordinary to guarantee him admission at HYS. At Princeton our legacy status differentiates him from other similarly qualified kids. The other reason the family is pressuring him is that they want him to carry on the tradition, which I understand sounds outlandish to most. You need to understand that a family with such a long tradition in a specific school eventually develops a kind of warped perception of reality. For most of my family members it is as if there was no other college in the world other than Princeton.

Oh no, I have a similar dynamic in my family and I understand only too well. That is why I would encourage him to branch out. These things are not healthy, as I have experienced.

Tell the elder menfolk to shut up, and do your job to support him. He will be grateful.

[Anonymous]

It will serve him right not to apply OP and end up somewhere sub-par. You are really exaggerating to think he is a "shoe in" for Princeton. It is #1 on USNWR. I think you'd be surprised how many legacies don't get in.

He might end up at UMBC ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It will serve him right not to apply OP and end up somewhere sub-par. You are really exaggerating to think he is a "shoe in" for Princeton. It is #1 on USNWR. I think you'd be surprised how many legacies don't get in.

He might end up at UMBC ...

Can you even imagine what they'll be saying about that at the club?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why don't they understand that it's BECAUSE of your family legacy there that he doesn't want to go? There will be siblings or cousins who will go, so no worries, his generation of the family will be represented there.

I would encourage him to branch out.

But then I suspect that the reason you're all pressuring him is that you're afraid he won't get into an Ivy without his legacy status

OP here. This is not why at all. He intends to apply to places like HYS, other ivies etc anyway. He is a very competitive and accomplished kid in his own right, near the very top of his class. However, he hasn't won an international award or something super extraordinary to guarantee him admission at HYS. At Princeton our legacy status differentiates him from other similarly qualified kids. The other reason the family is pressuring him is that they want him to carry on the tradition, which I understand sounds outlandish to most. You need to understand that a family with such a long tradition in a specific school eventually develops a kind of warped perception of reality. For most of my family members it is as if there was no other college in the world other than Princeton.

You are sounding more and more bizarre, kind of like those Eastern Europeans who insist that ice water is deadly. I mean, deep down, don't some of you recognize that there are other colleges out there where he can be happy and thrive?

FWIW, I went to Princeton (no family connection) and hated it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The winning advice has already been given.

1. Back off for now. Look at other colleges. Let him formulate his own opinions and maybe realize the grass isn't always greener.

2. Late summer, early fall, talk to him about reality. He can apply non-binding Early Action to Princeton, and then apply anywhere else he wants Regular Decision.

3. Spring 2018, visit all the schools he's gotten into. Let him pick his own college.

The ultimate decision is almost 18 months away, and you are getting nowhere by ramping up insane pressure now.

Not the right advice. His RD odds will be significantly lower at his first choice school if he SCEAs Princeton. So if he gets into Princeton and not the other(s), the question in his mind will be “could I have gone where I wanted to if my parents hadn’t made me use my EA chip for Princeton?” So you get that PLUS the “or maybe I’m just not good enough to succeed on my own merits” funk.

On the bright side, one way each HYP typically defends its legacy admissions is by pointing out that it takes the other twos’ legacy candidates with similar credentials at roughly the same rate as it accepts its own legacies. So maybe legacy at P will give him a bump for HYS, LOL.

[Anonymous]

Just hope he doesn’t apply early to UPenn. That will really piss off your family.
In all seriousness, where does he want to go at this point? Take a step back and let him figure it out on his own. He has 11 months till he has to apply early anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Sorry the Princeton onesie you dressed him in didn’t take.

[Anonymous]

OP he is not a sure bet to get in. You should get that through his head. Where would he want to go? Does he go to public or private HS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he's only a junior, let it sit for now. Tell DH he has to cool it or jr will keep digging in his heels. Do NOT bring up college at all for the next several weeks. Let him do some exploring and let him feel like he has some control over his own life. After the new year, ask him which schools he would like to visit. In an ideal world he will choose Princeton but he might not. There's also always graduate school.

Legacy status doesn’t matter for grad school.

[Anonymous]

Let him do what he wants. It's his life. He is the one who will have to live it, not you.

[Anonymous]

Where does he want to go instead? Start there. Can he get in? Do you think he will be happy there? Can he be successful there?

[Anonymous]

Let's say you are a Firestone or Pyne or Rockefeller or Whatever. On that case ds already has a million advantages. It will make zero difference if he goes to Princeton or to Lake Forest College or spends four years shepherding in Ireland. He will have a privileged life regardless. This decision has virtually no bearing on the trajectory of ds' life. It's just that you guys want this, that's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why don't they understand that it's BECAUSE of your family legacy there that he doesn't want to go? There will be siblings or cousins who will go, so no worries, his generation of the family will be represented there.

I would encourage him to branch out.

But then I suspect that the reason you're all pressuring him is that you're afraid he won't get into an Ivy without his legacy status

OP here. This is not why at all. He intends to apply to places like HYS, other ivies etc anyway. He is a very competitive and accomplished kid in his own right, near the very top of his class. However, he hasn't won an international award or something super extraordinary to guarantee him admission at HYS. At Princeton our legacy status differentiates him from other similarly qualified kids. The other reason the family is pressuring him is that they want him to carry on the tradition, which I understand sounds outlandish to most. You need to understand that a family with such a long tradition in a specific school eventually develops a kind of warped perception of reality. For most of my family members it is as if there was no other college in the world other than Princeton.

Are you hearing yourself? Really listen to what you just wrote. You basically just said "I understand it is outlandish and warped but I don't care."

Is that what you want for your son? Or do you want him to be happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a prominent heiress, multi-gen Ivy pedigree. Moderately smart, certainly not Ivy caliber. Ended up at the family Ivy, majored in something easy. She doesn't work, she married some layabout jock she knew from high school.

I guess my takeaway is what exactly is OP's kid going to get out of P? It's not fun being the bottom decile of the class surrounded by hyper-aggressive tiger cubs. That scene is not for everyone -- it's torture to most kids.

What if he flunks out or transfers? Doesn't bode well for the next family member who actually wants to get in.

nah. The rich legacies all find each other and mate for life. they don't even mix with the kids who got in on their own merit.